Don’t mention the war. The race war that is. You know, the one they don’t want you to think is actually happening…
It’s bad enough that statues are being pulled down and vandalised all over the country, but now we can’t even have a laugh. No more watching that the stupid, bigotted Alf Garnett being ripped to pieces for his ludicrous outbursts. No more Sambo putting down the idiotic Jack Smethurst in Love Thy Neighbour. No more watching any of this ‘racist’ stuff that is actually anti-racist because of the sensibilities of the 21st century. Christ help us! Am I even allowed to say that in case it offends non-Christians?
And today the news that an episode of Fawlty Towers has been banned because it’s racist. Well, I understand the English language. It’s not racist. Arguably it might be seen as xenophobic, but as the Germans are white caucasians the same as us, racist it certainly isn’t.
Than there’s this thing about statues. Baden Powell’s statue threatened because he was racist, homophobic and had sympathetic leanings towards Adolf Hitler. What a load of old cobblers! Nelson’s statue to be taken off the top of his column because he was homophobic. Cecil Rhodes statue to be taken down because he was an imperialist. Fuck it – why not just burn all the history books as well and pretend it never happened.
And the piece de resistance (am I allowed to say that? It’s French) was the tearing down of Jefferson Davis’ statue in the USA because he was the president of the nasty southern states that owned loads of black slaves, followed by the removal of a statue of Christopher Columbus because he was a colonialist.
This is all absolute nonsense. The United States would not even exist if it wasn’t for colonialism. It was a British colony ffs! And as for Davis, I assume that we will be removing George Washington’s face from Mount Rushmore and renaming the capital? Why? Well, I’ve been to Washington’s home at Mount Vernon. Washington’s fortune and his estate were all based on the fact that he owned slaves. Lots of them.
All of these facts are, naturally enough, ignored by the fermenters of the current unrest. They have their own political agendae for wanting to see law and order overthrown. And it’s nothing to do with racism.
So let me leave you with a story about statues…..
A black man came into a lot of money and wanted a big house, so he commissioned an architect to build it. Asked what he wanted in his new palace, the black man replied “I want a statue in every room”. Several months later when the house was built, the architect was showing the proud owner around and there was indeed a statue in every room.
The black man was appalled. “What de fuck is all this shit?” he demanded. The architect replied “But you said you wanted a statue in every room!” “No man” says he “one of dem t’ings where you dial someone up and say ‘Hi man. Is me, ‘s that you?”
I’ll get my coat….