Supermarket Sweep


So Tuesday comes around and I’ve put this off as long as I can before some stuff starts running a bit low and the fridge is looking somewhat bare. It’s time to see how things are going at the local supermarket…

Being an upmarket kind of bloke, we jump in the car and a little after 9:30 arrive in Waitrose car park which is about half full. We’ve given the old codgers their first hour of opening (even though we qualify as old codgers ourselves) and the NHS staff have had their go, so we think we’re being rather fair minded at this time of national crisis. There’s a small queue of about 6 people waiting to get in, so we join it having donned gloves and grabbed a trolley. I figure the most likely place to catch this bastard is from the trollies, which they don’t seem to be sterilising before they out them back in the trolley park. Bit if an oversight so let’s mark them down on that one.

About 10 minutes later we’re in the store and all seems reasonable good. They’re controlling how many people they let in at once and the stocks are pretty good. They actually have sone toilet rolls, so we buy a pack. Not three or four. Just one. 45 minutes later we’re out of the store and there is no queue waiting to get in. Seems reality is being somewhat restored.

Unfortunately, because of Mrs D’s allergies we can’t get everything we want in one shop. They don’t have goat milk, wheat free pasta, gluten free muesli or non dairy spread. So we unload all the stuff we’ve bought at home and trot off to Sainsbury’s. This is normal for us. You can’t get everything in one place. Waitrose have stuff that Sainsbury’s don’t and vice versa.

So at just before 11 we roll into Sainsbury’s car park and park pretty much right next to the door. There’s no queue but rather sensibly they have separated the doors as one in and one out to minimise contact. We get pretty much everything we need although there seems to be a run on corn flakes, digestive biscuits, low alcohol beer, gluten free pasta and Sauvignon Blanc so we’ll manage without. It won’t kill us. In and out in 30 minutes, but still without absolutely everything we need, so we swing past Tesco on the way home for some more bits.

At around 11:45 we coast into Tesco’s car park. The queue to get in is up the side of the store and up and down 6 rows of airport style crocodile queues so we carry on driving and go home. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Wednesday arrives and I coast down to my local Tesco to see if the queue is any better today. It is but it’ll still take about 45 minutes to get into the store and I figure by then the folks in front of me will have bought everything anyway so I jump onto the local bypass and swing back to Sainsbury’s. Maybe it’s different today…

Whoa! It is! I buy up goat milk and low alcohol beer. Strangely I can have 2 x 15 packs of my favourite ale but only 2 x four packs. So 30 in 15s is fine but not 12 in 4s. If there’s logic there, it’s lost on me. Anyhow, I buy the elusive dairy free spread, goats milk muesli and pasta that I couldn’t get the day before and leave happy that I won’t have to expose myself to infection any more for another couple of weeks. Job done. Hopefully, I’ll live to tell tale. Oh! I just did!

In the car park I have a brief appropriately distanced chat with the woman at the car next to me. I tell her to forget Tesco as the queues are ridiculous. She tells me it’s the same at Asda which is why she tried here.

The moral of this story seems to be that if you buy your groceries in the cheap jack pile-’em-high stores, be prepared to queue for an hour or so outside but if you’re a superior bastard like me, Waitrose and Sansbury’s are just fine. Class will out!

Here’s a little ditty from Chas to listen to while you’re queueing :

Cunt of the Week


In this time of national crisis it’s good to know that we’re all in it together – unless, of course, your name is Stephen Kinnock, a Member of Parliament, and arrogant fucker who thinks that the law is beneath him and only for other people.

Not only was this idiot breaking the rules on essential travel during a health emergency that is killing people all over the planet, but he was stupid enough to post it on social media and them bleat that he was being ‘targeted’ by the police for having audacity to reply thus to his rather inappropriate tweet :

Hello @SKinnock we know celebrating your Dad’s birthday is a lovely thing to do, however this is not essential travel. We all have our part to play in this, we urge you to comply with @GOVUK restrictions, they are in place to keep us all safe. Thank you.”

Pretty fucking mild targeting in my opinion. This arsehole drove 200 miles to visit his father on his birthday. This is not essential travel. It contravenes the government rules. I can’t even drive a mile up the road to visit my grandchildren, yet this fucker thinks none of this applies to him.

Predictably, that well know left wing arsewipe, The Guardian, had this to say : “Critics said the police were overzealous in publicly criticising the MP, as others warned they could could lose the respect of the public.

No, no, no!!!! If anything, people like this should be setting an example to the rest of us. He’s an MP for Chrisake! If criticism is due, it should be levied on the police for not slapping a £60 fine on him. I’m sure they would have slapped one on me if I’d behaved like this.

I would not wish this disease on anyone – but wouldn’t it be a poetic irony if the Kinnick family now succumbed to it?

Mr Kinnock, you are not above the law, but you are my candidate of choice for “Cunt of the Week”. Congratualtions…

Fucking idiots!


As I contemplate my impending visit to the local supermarkets – I have to visit more than one because, regardless of whether they have stock on the shelves or not, my wife’s allergies mean that I cannot get everything needed in just one – I was disgusted this morning to see pictures like the one above of perfectly good food being thrown away by idiot panic buying hoarders because “they are past their use by dates”.

As an aside, my wife falls into the vulnerable group and I just scrape in under the 70 years old line so, in theory, we shouldn’t be going to the supermarket at all. No, we should be relying on the non existent home delivery system. Give it a try if you think there’s any point in actually trying to get a delivery slot. A neighbour of mine actually got one from weeks ago. Half the order was unavailable – including substitutions – and the bit she did get was 50% substitutes.

But back to my point. Take a good look at the picture and ask yourself when you last saw a bunch of bananas with a use by date printed on it. They look perfectly edible to me. They’re not even discoloured and I’ve been known to use brown skinned soggy bananas to make banana loaves. Perfectly edible.

And how about those loaves of bread? I have a simple attitude to bread. If looks alright – not green mould around the edges and even then I’d cut it off – and it smells alright, then I’ll eat it. If it’s a bit stale, I’ll toast it first. It’s called ‘using your brain’ which is something people don’t seem to be proving very good at in these testing times.

I’ve published below a graphic showing some of the opinions and ins-and-outs of the situation. It came as no surprise to me to find that almost a third of panic buyers are under 25. What worries me is that these people are supposed to be the brightest and best of us. The educated university students, the upcoming entrepreneurs, the people with their futures in front of them.

But they don’t seem to be either secure or bright. Educated, yes. Intelligent, no.

And while the lefties are busy Boris bashing and Corbyn is insisting that the current spending vindicates his manifesto was right but we were just to stupid to understand it, we’re ignoring the crisis. This is a time for unity, not partisan political posturing. In any case, the background to each party’s spending is totally different.

But at least Corbyn got one thing right : we are all stupid.

I’ll let you know how my supermarket sweep works out because from what I see, there’s not actually a lot being said about it. My best hope is that my enforced trip to an infection hotbed doesn’t prove fatal…

Plague Wars


Back in 1985, I espied a book by Brian Stableford, a well known futurist and SF writer, and David Langford who was a physicist working at AWRE Aldermaston. It was entitled “The Third Millenium : A history of the World 2000-3000 AD”. It’s a fascinating book and one that I frequently revisit just to see how much he got right or wrong as the years pass.

OK, they missed some significant events like the collapse of the Soviet Union, the growth of the EU and the advent of majority rule in South Africa but they got a lot right as well. You can find a brief synopsis on Wikipedia here. But what peaked my interest in this time when the Chinese Flu is sweeping the world was his forecast of what he refers to as ‘The Plague Wars’, forecasting the first outbreak in 2007 as a “virus belonging to the influenza group but the symptoms were particularly severe”.

He forecast it as originating in South Africa as an attack on Zimbabwe and causing the downfall of white supremacy. Completely wrong – but the virology would seem consistent with Covid-19. His forecast was 8 million deaths worldwide with it lingering sporadically for ten years. Lets hope he got that wrong too.

PW2 was forecast to break out in California in 2015 was proven to be an engineered viral pneumonia. It kills a million US citizens, 6 million Mexicans and 4 million more across central America.

PW3 comes along in 2024, a viral venereal disease killing 5 million and causing sterilisation of around 20 million. “The long incubation period made the task made the task of stopping its spread inordinately difficult”. Sound familiar?

PW4 is the ‘Triplet Plague’ which hits the USA in 2050. Phase one was a viral leukemia, two was a nerve agent and the third induced cancers. It kills 10 million people in the first 4 weeks.

Here is their version of the end of the Plague Wars :

No further outbreaks were recorded after 2060. The reasons for this are almost certainly complex…” as “…the government mounting an attack of this kind had to worry about the rebound effect. To remain free from suspicion and hence reprisals. the instigators could not immunise their own people until appearing to do so on a worldwide basis.

Being American authors, they of course place a lot of suspicion on the Russians suggesting that this is why there was never an attack on Moscow and lots on the USA. It’s a cynical and biased view, but then we have Putin and we have that nerve agent attack in Salisbury.

At the end of the day, let’s hope that they got this all wrong and that Covid-19 really is just a mutation of something that’s been hanging around in China for a while and not the release of a biological weapon of some kind. I stress that I’m not suggesting that it is.

Nevertheless, it makes interesting reading…

Viral poetry


Stuck at home with the BBC
That’s the Big Bad Coruna not that thing on TV
Being on our own is nothing new
We’re old and used to having nothing to do
No-one wants to know you when you’re old and grey
Nobody cares what you have to say
You need to be woke to be noticed these days
‘Cos the young look through you as they go on their way

I self isolate
And it’s really great
Don’t have to be nice to the people I hate
Self isolate
It’s the way to go
Living alone is nothing new you know

I’m not feeling ill
Ain’t taking no pills
Don’t listen to radio
Telling me where I can go
Staying at home
Keeping all alone
Don’t even answer the telephone
Watching TV
Full of doom and gloom
Don’t bother me being on my pwn

Not gonna die yet
Busy running up debt
Online shopping on the PC

Crazy people down the local shop
Stuff they don’t need but they buy the lot
People going crazy, time to call the cops
Stop stupid people going over the top
No need to panic but they do it anyway
No need to work for your packet of pay
Taking all their sick leave
‘Cos they say they’re ill
Infecting other people as they queue for the till
Maybe this infection will kill them all off
If they’re really that stupid then they’ll be no loss

Listen to what I say
They don’t care if you’re old and grey
As long as they get their way
They’re happy

The big bad man has shut my pub
And I can’t even go to a night club
I can’t get a Starbuck’s coffee
Or a Mac and fries to go

Who the hell does he think he is
Telling me what I can’t do
Gonna start up a Twitter storm
And carry on like I always do