Love Labour’s Loss

One might have been forgiven for thinking that last weekend’s great festival of ‘Music, art poetry, dreaming, fun, happiness’ was indeed ‘a great day out.’ After all, the great messiah of the working classes, Jezza himself, said as much – so it must be true!

But it’s not true is it? The fact is that Labour Live was a monumental flop. Not that you will have heard that on the TV news, a situation which would not be unexpected on the Biased Broadcasting Corporation, but what about Sly News, or Idiot TeleVision? No. Not a dicky bird. Nothing. But what did you expect? Did you hear them report earlier in the week that six members of the Labour front bench resigned en masse? No, of course you didn’t…

The press were marginally less biased about Jezfest, but not a lot. Even the more recognisable Labour rags were a bit scathing. Even the Grauniad declared “If walking around JezFest is anything to go by, the Tories have little to fear!”

It started badly for Labour when some idiot snowflake at HQ suggested that they could build on Comrade Corbyn’s ego trip at last year’s Glastonbury by holding their own mini version in the north London Labour heartland. It was a bad idea. First, they couldn’t find any committed socialist bands to pay for free. Socialist principals have their price, after all.

Then they couldn’t sell the tickets. £35 to hear a speech from the great Catweazel. Surely a bargain? Well, no. 30,000 on sale, only 2,000 mugs, so just to piss off the 2,000 they slashed the price to £10. And for just ten quid you get to talk to the great McClusky himself in the Unite marquee. Who could refuse that? Well, loads of people actually.

Not that this deterred the organisers. Unite bought 10,000 tickets at the full £35 and provided free transport to bus them in. Of course several of them were there already because they were bullied into working as stewards for free – pretty hypocritical for a party which condemns interns working for free!

But even that didn’t work. Even in a Momentum stronghold, they couldn’t attract people who wanted to listen to the likes of Eddie Izzard and Owen Jones telling them what they should be thinking. To be fair, I suppose that’s understandable. What would your traditional Labour core voter make of a transvestite alternative comedian with fake tits? Hard to say, but we could probably guess. But as one reporter revealed, when he got to the door determined that he wasn’t going to pay more than the discounted £10 for a ticket, he was told that ‘locals get in for free’. What a shame they forgot to tell the locals!

And then there was the moment the great man appeared – only to be met with a group of protesters proclaiming ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ seeking to ‘democratically overturn Brexit’. Well, they were ejected by a bunch of momentum heavies (denied by the organisers despite video evidence) because they were ‘blocking the view with their banner’. Democracy in action, presumably? Where did we see this sort of tactics before? Nazi Germany during the rise of Hitler perhaps?

No, at the end of the day you can spin this any way you like – and be assured they will – this was an ill conceived vanity project and a comprehensive failure. Even some of the photographs on Facebook bore a remarkable similarity to Glastonbury 2016. Presumably that was just a mistake rather than a deliberate lie? Of course it was.

So how do we sum up Labour Live 2018? Let’s be honest – if a major political party can’t even make a profit on a fundraiser, how the hell can you expect them to handle the economy?

“Labour – for the few, not the many”


Oh Children! Please!

Well, it’s been an interesting week in Parliament – and it’s only Wednesday!..

First we have a cobbled together fudge to get the Withdrawal Bill through a series of votes, then we had a very silly man from Bracknell resigning his ministerial post over Brexit, and then this afternoon a mass walkout by the SNP.

The very silly man in question is Dr Phillip Lee. He resigned over Brexit because “If, in the future, I am to look my children in the eye and honestly say that I did my best for them I cannot, in all good conscience, support how our country’s exit from the EU looks set to be delivered.”

As a result his constituency party is considering deselecting him because Bracknell voted overwhelmingly to Leave in the 2016 referendum. It’s never a good idea to go against your electorate (Soubry take note) especially if you decide to resign over an issue and fail to follow protocol by informing your constituency party first.

So this afternoon, SNP leader in the House Ian Blackford refused to sit down when ordered to by John Bercow having asked for the Commons to sit in private. This was in protest at a lack of debate on what he said was a “power grab” in the EU Withdrawal Bill. Bercow threw him out of the house. It’s not often I agree with John Bercow, but he was quite correct on this occasion.

It seems the SNP is getting hot under the collar about powers currently devolved to Brussels being repatriated to Westminster. Now quite how Scotland being dictated to by Brussels, where they have no practical say in the matter, as opposed to being dictated to by Westminster where they have a substantial party presence makes things worse I really have no idea. Nor, I suspect, do the SNP.

Still, look on the bright side. As the entire SNP followed their leader out of the House in protest, this afternoon’s continuing debate on Brexit should go much more quickly and smoothly…

Oh Sod ’em !

A Small Town Man post…

News hitting the nationals this week from sleepy small town Bury St Edmunds. Seems one of the local celebs disapproves of the appointment of the new Dean of St Edmundsbury cathedral because he’s gay. Shock! Horror! How politically incorrect in these enlightened time where we all so willingly embrace diversity!

Which brings me to the picture above. For those of you too young to remember Spitting Image, this is Norman Tebbit. Our Norman is quite a big wig in Bury, famous for kicking a Chinese guy up the arse for letting off fire crackers outside his house as part of the New Year celebrations and telling him to “Bugger off!” As it turns out this phrase brings us rather nicely on to the point of this article.

Norman lives opposite the Cathedral and attends regularly. He also takes his bible seriously, and is adamant that the the new Dean, the Rev Canon Joe Hawes, is a “sodomite” – a biblical term seen as unacceptable by gay people.

He said : “I stand by what is written in the Bible, which is the basis on which the Cathedral was built. It says the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed by God. It cannot be a sin to be born homosexual. It is what one is. What I can’t accept is the activity. I use the expression sodomite. I find it difficult to accept a sodomite as a member of the clergy who will, for example, be called upon to conduct marriage services. I will struggle to attend if he is officiating.”

Needless to say he has been strongly criticised for his comments, but frankly if that’s what the bible says I fail to see how the Church of England can pick and chose what it decides to accept as the word of God and what it choses to ignore. Of course, in Smalltown, we do this all the time…

So good ol’ Norman gets a big thumbs up from me. Good on yer, Norm! Sod ’em!

93 Men in a Boat (69) – Mr. Phonie

It’s an occupational hazard on a cruise these days. You just can’t get away from people with mobile phones surgically attached to their hands, so it’s really refreshing to meet someone of, shall we say, more advanced years whose phone isn’t an appendage. In fact it turns out to be anything but!

He was actually a very pleasant chap, he just had this tendency to misplace things. Like his phone. The first couple of times it wasn’t a problem, but finally he lost it somewhere between the town and the ship which caused a bit of consternation – especially as it was a rather expensive iPhone. At least that’s where we think he lost it having arrived late for dinner after turning the cabin inside out.

Still, this was at least an improvement on his previous encounter of the telephonic type when he put it in his back pocket and then went so a swim. All attempts to revive said phone only seemed to result in it going ‘glug’

Anyhow he got away with it my offsetting his wife’s anger against her flushing his false teeth down the toilet the previous week…

Stupidity at the RNLI

Why would anyone want to slag off the RNLI you might ask? The selfless unpaid volunteers risk their lives on a regular basis. They’re heroes in the true sense of the word and should be praised!

Well, quite. But it would appear that the management are a bunch of humourless, PC snowflake cunts. They’re the ones I’m after.

Cue Whitby lifeboat station. Enter stage left RNLI manager (female, of course) who spots a couple of comedy mugs with – God forbid – a picture of a naked woman on the front. Shock! Horror! Seems the men had given each other Secret Santa gifts including a mug which featured a photo of a nude woman with the face of one crewman superimposed on top.

Humourless twat from RNLI decides that said mugs could have been found by schoolchildren, which posed a ‘safeguarding risk’.

So the two lifeboat men are sacked. By telephone ‘natch. Snowflakes don’t do confrontation after all. I’m just surprised that she didn’t do it by text, or Facebook, or Twatter frankly.

And the reaction to this load of OTT PC bollocks? Well, it seems that four fellow crew members have told the RNLI to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Reportedly, three more have quit this morning. Two of the crewmen who quit are said to be women. A petition has been raised locally demanding that the men are reinstated. So far 500 locals have signed it.

So has the RNLI backed down? Has it fuck! A spokesman said “We want to stress that this was not a trivial matter. The lifeboat station should be an environment where people can expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

We cannot allow bullying, harassment or discrimination in what should be a safe and inclusive environment and there will be serious consequences for anybody who demonstrates this behaviour within the RNLI. By challenging this behaviour, we are standing up for the thousands of volunteers who are committed to doing the right thing as they operate our 238 lifeboat stations, saving lives at sea around the clock, 365 days of the year.

Our dedicated volunteers represent the values and principles of our organisation and we will not allow any behaviour that brings the work of the RNLI and our people into disrepute.

So I would suggest to the RNLI that the correct way to treat people with dignity and respect is not to sack them by phone. And if you don’t want the RNLI to fall into disrepute, then I would suggest that you don’t behave like a bunch of over officious, humourless, feminazi idiots! And yes, I’m afraid it really is a trivial matter.

Interestingly, I have tried in vain to find out the name of the fool who sparked all this off in the first place.

Now there’s a surprise…