Uncomic relief


Jesus H Christ on a motorcycle, it’s come around again! Comic bloody relief!

It doesn’t seem five minutes since the last time this pile of steaming horse shit was heaped upon us. And it seems to go on longer and longer every year. Get your fundraising packs now, all proceeds to third world dictators and chuggers. Children brainwashed and forced into taking part at school. Get ’em young enough and you’ve got ’em for life – and if they don’t join in then the parents are dragged before the head and duly chastised, and their kids feel ostracised for not conforming.

Personally if it was my kids, then I’d tell them to grow and I’d tell the head to go fuck himself. Orwell would be proud.

So tonight there’s fuck all on the Beeb (what’s new?) apart from a load of has beens trying to relaunch their careers, so-called ‘comedians’ making us cringe with their puerile attempts at being funny, and starving cheeldren being wheeled out to tug at the heart strings and part us from our hard earned dosh. Well, fuck ’em. You shouldn’t have kids if you can’t support them.

Well, they can fuck right off because they’ll get what they get from me every year, namely bugger all.

And this year there’s ten different red noses to choose from. Personally, I’d like one with ‘cunt’ written on it…

Oh! Seems it’s been done! Where do I get one…?

A man of peace


So former IRA commander Martin McGuiness has popped his clogs. Personally, I’m with Norman Tebbitt on this one…

He told ITV’s Good Morning Britain fronted by Piers Morgan : “I’m just pleased that the world is a sweeter and cleaner place now. It’s not merely these creatures [the Brighton bombers] crippled my wife, but they also murdered five of my friends.”

Norman is a neighbour of mine. I see him regularly in Waitrose doing his shopping. I have always been impressed by the forthright way he expresses his views. He talks a lot of sense and says things that others shy away from. He’s an honest and straightforward man.

I confess to my own strong views on the IRA London bombing campaign, having nearly been caught 3 times by the bastards. I used to work in Westminster Bridge Road. I came to work one morning to find my office covered in glass and the window blown out when they bombed the Central Office of Information which backed onto our building. They bombed High Holborn tube station under the office where I used to work. Thankfully I’d moved on by then but some of my friends were a bit shaken by that one!

The clincher for me was the Westminster Tube Station bomb. I used to buy a paper at the station when I got on the train in the morning. Sometimes I’d cut it a bit fine and buy one the other end – at Westminster Tube Station. That morning, I got my paper at my home station. I walked up the steps – right past the bomb – and started across the bridge. About 100 yards across there was an almighty bang as the bomb went off.

If I’d stopped to buy a newspaper that morning, I’d have been killed.

That was enough for me. I got a job out of London at less pay. It was better than being killed or – worse – maimed like Margaret Tebbitt.

I reflect at this stage on the words of Custer when he was minister for Indian affairs. When asked how he reconciled his views on Indians with being a ‘man of peace’, he replied “Ain’t nothing as peaceful as a dead Injun!” I believe McGuinness, man of peace, believed there was nothing as peaceful as a dead protestant.

So that’s why I’m with Norman. The world is a better place this morning…

Happiness


Yes, today we should all be happy because the UN has decreed it. To me the fact that the UN even had the time to set up this shit demonstrates just what an ineffective talking shop it is…

Founded June 28, 2012 The International Day of Happiness Resolution 66/281 was the result of the effort of United Nations adviser Jayme Illien, who conceptualized the idea for a U.N. Resolution that would recognize the pursuit of happiness as a human right and a “fundamental human goal.”

Apparently the UN resolution marks a new historical milestone in humankind’s ultimate quest for happiness, which dates back to the time of ancient sages and philosophers such as Bhudda, Socrates, Confucius, Aristotle, Plato, Epicurus, Mencius, Abu Hamid al-Ghazali, and religious figures like Jesus, Abraham, Moses, and the prophet Muhammad – all of whom theorized about the purpose and meaning of life, the definition of happiness, and how to achieve it. Mind you, they all had fuck all else to do – a bit like the UN!

Well, here’s the Dioclese philosophy on happiness : you can’t enforce it and you can’t talk it up. Life is shit and you just have to get on with it.

And every time somebody says ‘happiness’ to me I think ‘Ken fucking Dodd’ and depression sets in immediately…

NICked again!


Much has been said today about Hammond’s so called U-turn on changes to National Insurance. It is, of course, no such thing.

If you read Hammond’s open letter to MPs he says that increasing benefits for the self employed has to be matched by increased contributions. However, these benefits will not be explained in detail until later this year. What he actually doing is putting things in the right order. You can’t expect people to cough up extra unless they know what they’re getting for it!

He is pressing ahead with the abolition of Class 2 NI. Unsurprisingly nobody is objecting to that and it does mean that the self employed will now pay less – so the inequality between contributions and benefits is now even greater. If I was an employee, I’d be protesting about that bit of unfairness. It just goes to prove that you really can’t please all of the people all of the time…

At the end of the day, the government has listened to the reaction to the proposed changes and modified its approach. The opposition make much of this, saying the government is in disarray and chaos which is, of course, nonsense.

Personally I saw nothing wrong with the changes announced but they were badly explained. And at the end of the day a government that listens and responds to public opinion can’t be a bad thing can it?

More taxing stuff


My ‘friend’ Longrider has been sounding off again ripping apart my ‘logical fallacies’ in the recent posts I published about tax. You can read his latest here.

Normally I would comment on his article at his place, but as he blocks me from commenting I reluctantly have to respond here.

The thrust of his argument is twofold. Firstly he continues to insist that the self employed shouldn’t pay the same NIC for unequal benefits. It might surprise him to know that I agree with him. However, the fact is that even after the proposed NI increases, the self employed will still be paying less than employed.

It is sensible that the government has delayed the changes until later in the year. In the summer the House will examine benefits and it will be made clear how the benefits the self employed enjoy have been improved to bring them closer – not equal but closer – to those given to the employed.

Secondly, he regards all taxation as theft. This is patent nonsense. He sites the waste of government as his justification for this stance. Again he may surprised that I agree with him that much government spending is wasteful and shameful, but that is not the real issue. There has to be collective responsibilty for the operation of a civilised society.

He rightly points out the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion. As a chartered accountant I am well aware of the difference. Avoidance is perfectly legal and a thorough knowledge of tax legislation should always be used to ensure each person or organisation pays the proper amounts required by law and no more.

The morality and fairness is irrelevant when one is filling a tax return, as I do every year. Several of them, in fact! However, it is proper to consider such issues when framing the laws that govern what level of tax is appropriate.

I am criticised for citing large companies who pay little or no UK tax on their profits. They do this by setting up complex corporate structures to artificially move profits to tax shelters, thereby paying little tax in countries when their profits are generated. There are laws – too lax in my view – that make such practices illegal in the UK.

And are such schemes immoral? Well it’s answer that depends on which side of the fence you’re sitting, isn’t it?

So let’s have a direct quote from the self appointed expert. He’s fond of quotes so how about this one from him?

“So, to summarise, there is no morality in taxation; merely theft”

Right on the first, but the second is ‘a logical fallacy’ and ‘cockwaffle’

Feel free to comment because I don’t censor you the way you censor me…