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Brexit fantasies…

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Much is said of the fantasies or the leavers, but what about the fantasies of the remainers?

May I remind them that Herr Schultz last year called for a United States of Europe by 2025 – the final realisation of Greater Germania that our fathers and grandfathers fought and died to prevent.

People who believe that the UK cannot prevail as an independent nation are deluded and have no understanding of this nation’s great history and place in the world. They should leave now and go live in the EU if this is what they believe…

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Lookalikes – Paul Hollywood

Has anyone noticed the remarkable resemblence between bake off twat Paul Hollywood and Game of Thrones’ Night King?

Perhaps they are related? I think we should be told…

September bloody September


I bloody hate September – and not for the normal reasons like the nights closing in and temperatures dropping. I can handle those by buggering off to Greece or Italy or some other warmer place once the kids are back to school…

No. I hate September because I have two ageing cars respectively 17 years old (mine) and the other 23 years old belonging to Mrs D. The problem is that both MOT tests come up in September.

When we came here 11 years ago this month and moved into the town centre we knew we didn’t really need two cars but with the age they’re at they were worth more to us than any money we could get for them so we formulated a plan. We’d wait for one to fail it’s MOT and scrap, then sell the other and buy one nice new shiny one. It was a good plan which has failed spectacularly because the buggers keep passing.

This year mine scraped through the emissions test, bang on the red line! I’m told the cat is going but then they told me that last year too. This year they said it likely needs a good blast up the motorway to just blow the crap out of it. Having just given it a 500 mile round trip round the M25, M4 and M5 I don’t find this reassuring so I’m expecting a nice big bill to come around sooner rather than later.

So that leaves the other motor. It’s MOT is on the 19th. Three years back the clutch went as I drove out of the car park at Gatwick. No warning, just pedal to the floor. I drove it home without a clutch and figured if it cost £500 and lasted two years, I’d break even so I got it done. Good decision, but then it failed needing £60 worth of welding last time so I got that done too. It’s a good car even thought it’s getting on a bit.

So here we are again, MOT time. I’ve decided to sell mine whatever. If her’s passes then we’ll carry on running it. If it fails then we need to hastily find a new car and, let’s face it, they’re all crap and it’s a bloody minefield.

So do me a favour, and keep your fingers crossed for me on the 19th…

Unlucky for some…

It’s possible today that the labour leadership may be struck down by triskaidekaphobia. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s the fear of the number 13…

Today the Labour party has hit that hapless number over it’s pledge to hike corporation tax to 26 per cent in order to fund schools and grants to college students. Quite apart from the fact that he promised the Federation of Small Businesses he wouldn’t do it and that it will hit investment in Britain when we need it the most after Brexit, Corbyn’s shambolic team has already made no less than 12 other promises that are funded by the same tax increase.

Now every housewife in the country will know from balancing the household budget that you can’t spend money twice, never mind thirteen times. And as a former accountant, even at my most creative moments I failed to a way in which to spend money that I hadn’t got.

Still, it sounds good, doesn’t it? Raise taxes on the greedy rich bastards and use it to fund better education, smaller class sizes and abolish tuition fees. A good soundbite until you hand over to your Shadow Education Secretary to explain the policy.

Following a car crash interview with Diane Abbott on policing, Nick Ferrari has scored another goal with Shadow Education Secretary, Angela Rayner. Labour is promising to keep class sizes for five-to-seven year-olds below 30, while almost £5billion extra would be pumped into the English school system by 2022.

Ferrari asked her “whether she knew how many children would be affected by the class size pledge”. She responded: ‘There’s quite a substantial amount of pupils that are affected. I haven’t got the numbers on me to hand, but it is quite a substantial amount of children that are in class sizes that are over 30.’

Pushed by Ferrari on whether it would be 50 children or five million, Ms Rayner could only reply: ‘It’s a significant number. I’m not going to pluck a number out of thin air.” Frankly that does make a change for a Labour frontbencher.

Ferrari continued: ‘Do you not think it would be a good idea to have a sense of how many people you’re talking about? You are the Shadow Education Secretary. One of your key pledges is to try to reduce class sizes… I’m asking you how many this will affect and all you can tell me is it is a substantial number?’

Ferrari said that he knew the policy would affect 520,445 primary school pupils in England because he ‘did the research’. ‘Do you not think you ought to have had that number?’ he asked.

Quite…

Operation desert storm

You might have gathered from the lack of posting that I’m on holiday. Actually I am in Namibia writing this on cheapo tablet so excuse the typos!

I’m sat in a bar in Sussuvlei in the Namib desert drinking free beer. It’s free because we are stuck in a sand storm and they can’t fly us out so we are royally buggered for now.

So, we lay back and think of England and enjoy the free booze!

Sand storms are a cunt!..