An occasional series highlighting people talking bollocks about Brexit.

Guy Verhofstadt
”Brexit is a dictatorship of the majority” – look up the definition of democracy ‘Mr President’

Emmanuael Macron
“After they have implemented my reforms, the UK will want to stay in the EU” – Call me Dave…

Donald Tusk
“The British accept that cake and eat it is no longer an option” – Now we just need the EU to do the same?

Jean Claude Juncker
“Miracles are need to make progress on Brexit” – Especially on the EU side

EU ‘sources’
“Northern Ireland can stay in the single market and customs union even if the rest of the UK leaves”

Michael Heseltine
“Even if the UK did cut ties with the EU in two years time, it would rejoin again in the future”
“The UK will adopt the Euro when the circumstances are right”

Nick Clegg
“I’m just saying look at the demography. The oldest voters voted for Brexit in the largest numbers, the younger voters did the opposite” – so we just wait for the Leavers to die off.

Nick Clegg
“You cannot end austerity if you don’t end Brexit” – Well you certainly can’t end it without Brexit


Sold down the river

Well, what a speech that was, wasn’t it? Only an accomplished liar politician could delivery a crock of shit dressed up as a bouquet of roses and get away with it. What an achievement.

So to be certain I understand it all clearly, we’re now leaving the EU in 2019 but not until 2021 or possibly later. During this time we continue to pay billions into a budget we will have no say over, accept free movement despite not being part of the EU, have access to a single market that we would have had access to anyway under WTO rules which would have added billions to our treasury, and will implement any new laws that we have no say in whatsoever. Apparently, this is defined as ‘delivering the will of the people’?

So what happened to ‘no deal is better than a bad deal’? What happened to ‘go whistle’? What happened to the ‘bloody difficult woman’?

The EU has not budged one single inch in the course of these farcical negotiations, so what do we do? Well, seeing who blinks first would have been my way of doing things, but not our Treesa. Oh no, she goes for the full eyelash fluttering capitulation never mind blinking first!

A little while back we had a general election. One of the justifications for this was so that we didn’t have an election in 2018 when Brexit was looming large. So now we offer to delay things for two years so that we have a general election in 2020 just before Brexit in 2021. Maybe there’s some logic in there somewhere, but I can’t see exactly where it might be.

This speech was a backslide of monumental proportions from a Prime Minister with no backbone clearly out to defy the referendum result and keep us in the Fourth Reich at any cost. Fuck knows what she threatened Boris and Gove with in order to get them to support this, but it must have been pretty damning for them to not only to let her get away with it, but to say it was a great speech and openly support it.

There are no negotiations in reality. Barnier and his gang aren’t interested in a deal. They want to punish us and rob us blind. And thanks to Treesa, we really are being sold down the river and flogging a dead horse…

Victims of our own success

A Smalltown Man post…

Ominous news this week to all of us who live in Smalltown and are so lucky to live here. It seems that according to the “Smalltown Free Press” (available weekly for only £1.50 from your independent local paper shop) we’re in danger of becoming a victim of our own success! Oh dear! What could possibly be wrong in this picture perfect jewel in the English crown?

Well, it seems young people are being priced out of the housing market because everybody wants to live here and it’s forcing up the prices. The Press says we’re in danger of becoming a London dormitory town. Kings Cross is, after all, only two hours away on the chugger line making your door to door commute to work a doddle at about 5 hours a day! How easy is that after all?

Because of this, we need more affordable housing so that single young people can have their very own three bedroom detached starter home. None of this nonsense of pooling resources with a partner, foregoing eating out and going down the pub with our mates, saving up for a deposit and settling for a one bedroom flat in a cheaper part of town like their parents and grandparents had to! Blimey! How twen-cen is that?

The increase in house prices has, of course, nothing to do with the lack of availability of housing because buy to let landlords are cashing in on the rental market. Nor is it due to the two adjacent USAF bases whose personnel are snapping up the local housing and paying through the nose with the mighty dollar. Oh no! Nothing to with that at all!

After all, the Americans are an enormous boost to our local economy! Well, certainly if you’re a buy to let landlord anyway.

God bless the United States of America! We’re so lucky not to live there…

Pointless technology

Every so often, some tech company comes up with something which is best described ‘we did it because we could even though there was no point!’ and last weeks announcement by Apple was no exception.

Wireless charging for your phone is not new. The picture above shows a cheapo Belkin charging pad that been around for a while. It’s actually not a ridiculous idea in itself, but it’s the ‘wireless’ bit that gets me. What’s that thing sticking out the back of the charging pad? Oh, let me think… Looks like a mains lead to me.

So, before the wireless charger came along we plugged one end of our lead into the phone and the other into a USB socket/charger in the wall socket. Now we plug the charging pad into the wall socket and have a charging pad on the table top to rest our phone on to charge.

Excuse me if I missed something, but instead of having a dangling lead to plug the phone into we now have a bloody great lump of hardware taking up usable space instead. This is, according to Apple, a giant leap forward.

Well, no actually. It isn’t. It’s just a pointless gimmick to persuade idiots to spend over £1,000 on a phone which, in my book, makes the idiots just a pointless.

“A fool and his money are soon parted”

How fucking stupid can you get?

It never ceases to amaze me just how stupid some people can be!

Earlier today, some jidahi bastard planted a bomb on a District Line tube train. Thankfully these days even the jihadis are so dumb they can’t build proper bombs, so we were spared total carnage when it failed to detonate properly.

So there I am watching the BBC news and they’re showing some video footage shot by some moron on his mobile phone through the train window of the part exploded bomb burning inside the carriage. Never for one second does it occur to the thick bastard that he’s filming a burning unexploded bomb up close which could easily detonate any second.

But that’s not the end of it as some even more stupid cunt is filmed walking in front of him and pressing her nose against the window for a better view.

Clearly, these are two candidates for the Darwin Award who need to be eradicated from the gene pool and never allowed to reproduce. If this is representative of what the human race has become in the 21st century then clearly humanity is doomed and, frankly, doesn’t deserve to survive…