Our 2023 Christmas single

November is here and it doesn’t so long ago Chas and I cashed in on the Christmas singles market, but here we are with our cynical seasonal offering “Enforced Jollity” because, after all, that’s what it really is, isn’t it?

Take a listen on your favourite streaming site, and if you’re not paying through the nose for one, here’s a link to the free YouTube offering…

YouTube link

The 2022 Christmas Song

Yes it’s that time of year again when Chas and I cash in on the Christmas song market. Well, you expected me to be honest about it didn’t you? After all Christmas starts in October, goes on through December and peaks in November on Black Friday Week.

This year is a bit different and I couldn’t be arsed to do a video to go with it and because Chas needs the money – there’s a cost of living crisis after all – I’ve just posted a link to the song on YouTube music. It costs you nothing and gets in a few groats in royalties. Fair do’s says I.

Enjoy….

YouTube link

The 2021 Christmas Song

Christmas seems to be starting a little early this year, so as everybody else is cashing in early, I thought I might as well join in, so here’s the Dioclese Christmas offering for this year –

It’s my usual annual collaboration with my good friend Chas Crane which he’s making available on iTunes, Spotify and all the usual haul of streaming sites. 

So while you’re stuffing your face with sherry and mince pies, spare a thought for the poor bloody turkey and bung Chas a few Christmas royalties. Last year’s offering got 38,000 plays on Spotify so let’s see if we can beat it this year. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it…

COP-OUT26

What a farce the latest and greatest climate change conference in Glasgow is…

China’s Premier isn’t coming. China produces 28% of the world’s greenhouse gazes and is currently building a new coal fired power station every week. At least they have the good grace not to be hypocrites by turning up.

Putin isn’t coming. The second largest pollutor on the planet isn’t being a hocrite either. At least that’s something.

Biden is coming. The third largest pollutor on the planet is keeping up its side by flying in no less than 1,500 delegates spewing out greenhouse gasses all the way across the Atlantic.

All to be met in Glasgow by striking garbage men and giant rats which, according to Sturgeon, is no worse than any other large city anywhere. We’ll, not in this country darlin’ so get back in your box.

But Boris will be there, waving the flag and showing the world the way to net zero by driving us all off the road and into electric cars that will cut emissions by standing idle because there’s nowhere to charge them up.

Electricity has to be generated. That just moves the pollution point up the supply chain. Wind farms only works when the wind blows. Solar only works when the sun shines. Turbines and panels all have a production process that’s emits carbon. But let’s build loads and pretend we’re making a difference, bearing in mind that we qare responsible for less than 1% of the global total. So, it’s all worth while and we should remember that when the lights go out.

COP26 will achieve fuck all other than to cause a hole in the ozone layer when all that hot air hits the atmosphere. Remember that humans breathe out CO2, a greenhouse gas.
If you really want to cut emissions, stop fucking breeding!

COP26 is an opportunity for photo ops and showboating. That’s why Biden is coming and why the Queen has had the good sense to avoid the megaspreading Covid conference.

If this is what the world’s greatest leaders have to off, then the human race is truly fucked..

The big seven oh, no!

…or maybe just old and fucked. Anyhow, definitely one year older and nearer to death however you look at it.

Fuck knows how I got this far. All around me are dropping like flies or dropped many years ago. Like my friend Phil who dropped dead on Waterloo station in his thirties when an aneurysm in his brain just decided to pop. Or Jim who used to play rhythm guitar in one of the several school blues bands and fell out of the sky in a hang glider accident. Or my old friend Paul who died a year or so back from unknown causes but knowing him as I do probably drink related. Then there’s Keith who popped his clogs from cancer last year. The list goes on so I suppose I should quote Chas’ song “Everybody’s fucked but me” ?

So today I am supposed to be luxuriating on a lovely little boat called Hebridean Princess half way up Sognefjord in Norway. Except, of course, I’m not because Covid got in the way and they cancelled it, offering instead to take me around the wilds of Shetland and the Hebrides. Except I’m not there either because dear Wee Kranky Sturgeon decided that no cruise ships would be allowed into several of the ports we were visiting – even though it was a Scottish ship sailing from a Scottish port and never leaving Scottish waters. I got the distinct impression from  a somewhat unamused tour operator that she was just being a bitch who had to not be seen doing what the hated English were doing.

So they offered me a trip around Lundy and the Isles of Scilly instead. Very nice except that we were already booked to do it with Noble Caledonia the next day. Never mind. Nice big refund to spend on something else.

So where am I today? Well I’m luxuriating on the north Norfolk coast in a very nice boutique hotel in one of my favourite spots, Brancaster. Very pleasant but not exactly the Norwegian fjords. Still, I shall enjoy a few days here stuffing my face with excellent food and wine and celebrating not being dead with a nice bottle of champagne.

Fuck Covid for buggering everything up, but when life is shit – and believe me it is lately – then you just have to get on with it, and at least for a few days I can not worry about my upcoming sleep test although I can’t forget about it altogether because part of the test is that I have to keep a sleep diary for a fortnight before checking in to Papworth.

The section that records alcohol consumption should prove interesting…