Eulogies

Sorry but I can’t stand it any longer! Not quite sure where the straw was that broke the camel’s back, but I think it might well have been the late Glen Campbell being described as “the greatest voice of his generation” FFS!

Have you noticed that these days everyone is a complete non-entity until they die. I thnk it might have started the Diana thing. ‘England’s rose, queen of hearts’. Personally I never thought much of the woman although I must admit that old jug ears did treat her appallingly. On the Monday after her demise, one of the women in the office failed to turn up to work because she was so upset at Dear Di’s Death (Great name for a band come to think of it!).

Since then we’ve been quick to talk up every bloody dead cunt under the sun. Lennon was a great visionary – no he fucking wasn’t. He was up his own arse, full of his own importance and high as a kite most of the time.

Amy Winehouse. Made one fucking album. Just as well because if she’d made a second one then people might have worked out that, frankly, she wasn’t that good.

And what about David Bowie? Apparently he was the best of his generation, a visionary, a prophet and could walk on fucking water. Actually I do sort of admire the way he cynically videod his own death just to promote his last great work which, incidentally, was also not very good.

And only today they were eulogising Mo Farrah and Ushain Bolt. “Athletics will never be the same again. We will never see their like return to the track!” Well, actually, yes we fucking will. All they did was run about quickly. Anyone can do it. You just put one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible. Next time there’s the borefest on TV that is atletics, you will see exactly their like again and, frankly, if we don’t then who would really give a fuck? Not me, thats for sure!

To put this in perspective, I recall a chap I worked with back in the bad old days. He was the most obnoxious, snidy, back stabbing son of a bitch you could ever hope to come across. A real nasty piece of work. One day – ironically whilst tearing one of his staff a new arsehole – he had a massive heart attack and dropped dead across his desk. Kid you not.

The next day someone asked me if I’d heard about ‘poor old Bob’. “Yes” says I. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke”.

The someone was appalled and told me that I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. “Why not?” I replied. “The bloke was a complete cunt. The only difference is that he’s a completely dead cunt!”

Eulogising the mediocre has become a national trait in this country long overdue for a good stamping out…