Category Archives: FFS!

Eulogies


Sorry but I can’t stand it any longer! Not quite sure where the straw was that broke the camel’s back, but I think it might well have been the late Glen Campbell being described as “the greatest voice of his generation” FFS!

Have you noticed that these days everyone is a complete non-entity until they die. I thnk it might have started the Diana thing. ‘England’s rose, queen of hearts’. Personally I never thought much of the woman although I must admit that old jug ears did treat her appallingly. On the Monday after her demise, one of the women in the office failed to turn up to work because she was so upset at Dear Di’s Death (Great name for a band come to think of it!).

Since then we’ve been quick to talk up every bloody dead cunt under the sun. Lennon was a great visionary – no he fucking wasn’t. He was up his own arse, full of his own importance and high as a kite most of the time.

Amy Winehouse. Made one fucking album. Just as well because if she’d made a second one then people might have worked out that, frankly, she wasn’t that good.

And what about David Bowie? Apparently he was the best of his generation, a visionary, a prophet and could walk on fucking water. Actually I do sort of admire the way he cynically videod his own death just to promote his last great work which, incidentally, was also not very good.

And only today they were eulogising Mo Farrah and Ushain Bolt. “Athletics will never be the same again. We will never see their like return to the track!” Well, actually, yes we fucking will. All they did was run about quickly. Anyone can do it. You just put one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible. Next time there’s the borefest on TV that is atletics, you will see exactly their like again and, frankly, if we don’t then who would really give a fuck? Not me, thats for sure!

To put this in perspective, I recall a chap I worked with back in the bad old days. He was the most obnoxious, snidy, back stabbing son of a bitch you could ever hope to come across. A real nasty piece of work. One day – ironically whilst tearing one of his staff a new arsehole – he had a massive heart attack and dropped dead across his desk. Kid you not.

The next day someone asked me if I’d heard about ‘poor old Bob’. “Yes” says I. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke”.

The someone was appalled and told me that I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. “Why not?” I replied. “The bloke was a complete cunt. The only difference is that he’s a completely dead cunt!”

Eulogising the mediocre has become a national trait in this country long overdue for a good stamping out…

Trolls and glove puppets


Those of you who read my ramblings with any regularity will know that I have attracted the attentions of my very own internet troll called Rickie aka Dickie Doubleday aka many other names – including mine!

I’ve been ignoring the little shit for some time. He will tell you that’s because he’s warned me that there will be ‘consequences’ if I ever mention him online anywhere and that this will lead the the impending doom that is ‘the finale’ something which I fear as much as Cardinal Fang fetching the comfy chair.

Anyhow, I ignore him not because I’m intimidated by him but because it seems to drive him nuts that I ignore him! So why am I writing this now?

The answer is that dear Rickie likes to talk to himself when nobody else will talk to him, so he pretends to be me so we can have imaginary confrontations. He’s hijacked a blog that’s been dormant since 2012 that belongs to a blogger I used to read called The Ranting Penguin. Under the top post, he’s posted a couple of thousand comments and directed people to read ‘his blog’ all over the internet.

The comments mainly complain about a blog called ISAC where I was an editor until the end of last year. There’s an article on there with the background. He became such a nuisance that he was blocked and his address – given to me by a group of several bloggers he’d harassed over the years – was published.

To cut a long story short, Rickie has posted on there continually attacking me and threatening me. He’s posted lies, filth and general abuse on there using my name. Over the last few days he’s also been on a forum called ‘Cunts Corner’ as Upton Man and as me. It’s been confirmed that these two have the same ip address so it just has to be him.

For the record, I am not Upton Man and I have never posted anything on the Corner. Apart from when I confirm my post by cross posting it elsewhere, I have not contributed to the crap on The Penguin. To emphasise the point my publically known gmail address was used. I never post comments under that address and I changed the gravatar associated with it to a red box with FAKE written in it which, to anyone but a half wit like Rickie, would give people a bit of a clue as to the validity of what was being posted.

I ignore Rickie which, unfortunately, just makes him madder. I’m writing this so that people whose blogs he’s contaminated using my name know it isn’t me.

I’m also trying to make bloggers aware that if you’re not going to use your blog any more, it would be a good idea to shut it down or at least time limit your comments otherwise twats like Rickie can openly abuse it.

As Rickie says, nothing on The Penguin can be removed except by the owner. Unfortunately for him, he seems to have forgotten that this cuts both ways.

So there. I’ve ignored your threat and mentioned you again. Now go screw yourself Rickie there’s a good boy…

Banana Republic UK

“It’s fuck all to do with me…!


So it’s official then – the country that gave democracy to the world is now officially pursuing the same type of electoral fraud that goes on in your typical third world shithole.

It seems that the intelligent snowflake yoof have worked out that not only can you register in two places and vote twice, but that you can round up polling cards and vote 6 times. Well, OK then. Commit electoral fraud and risk the consequences but for fuck safe be intelligent enough to keep quiet about it! But no! We need to go on Farcebook and Twatter and tell everyone how clever we’ve been.

Except you’re not very clever are you? Because Corbyn bought your vote with ludicrous promises to abolish tuition fees (£4 billion) and refund all your £9,000 a year tuition fees (£10 billion) knowing damned well he couldn’t afford it and now he’s proving just what a bunch of mugs you all were by saying it wasn’t a promise, it was just “something we said we’d try to look at and see what could be done”.

Amazing isn’t it that turnout in some student infested areas was as high as 95%? No? Well, this is amazing – the police are coming under criticism for not investigating cases brought to their attention. Well, it’s all those nasty Tory funding cuts. No resources and all that…

Think about it. May only need to lose 6 seats to lose her majority. The top eight seats where the Tories lost by wafer thin margins seems to be in heavily student occupied constituencies. In Kensington, they lost by 20 votes. That would only take 20 people to vote twice to swing it.

Nobody is going to be bold enough to suggest that Labour orchestrated it but they’re sure as hell not going to do much to prevent it or investigate it are they?

The yoof have been played for bunch of mugs whose votes were bought by promises not worth the paper they weren’t written on – and this country has been reduced to the status of banana republic. It’s bloody shameful – even if it’s not that much of a surprise to some of us…

“Cheers, Jezza. Have 4.5 million quid…”

News just in that Len McCluskey aide Dan Carden has been selected for the safe Labour seat of Liverpool Walton. It’s completely unrelated to Unite having given £2 million to the Labour Party’s election campaign.

In another absolutely unrelated event, during a meeting of its executive council on Monday Unite voted to release a further £2.5 million from its political fund of members’ contributions. None of this has anything whatsoever to do with the Labour NEC steamrolling Carden into Liverpool Walton constituency against the direct wishes of the Constituency Party.

As a result of these completely unrelated events, the Secretary of the CLP, Ben Williams, has resigned his post. He commented “When I’ve finished in work I will be tendering my resignation as CLP Secretary in protest at this disgraceful undemocratic stitch-up.”

Liverpool mayor, Joe Anderson, announced his disgust at the appointment, but didn’t have the balls to either resign from the CLP or stand against Carden as an independent Labour candidate. He did go as far as to say “We are reminded that Labour is not a meritocracy. But we will continue to campaign for the general election after which there will be more to say.” Whoa! Consequences! More to say!

It seems to me that principles are bought cheaply in the Labour party.

Is there anyone out there who still believes that if you elect Corbyn, McCuntsky won’t really be running the country? If so, then I suggest you question just how unrelated these totally unconnected events really are…

Fuck you, Asda!

asdas-3-for-10-wines
I used to like Asda for wine. They sold my favourite white at an excellent price and I’d go down there regularly for 6 or more bottles. But not any more because they’ve blown it…

I went down there and bought 6 bottles for £6.00 each. No bother. I went to the till and paid. Then before I left the store I thought “That doesn’t sound right?” and it wasn’t. They charged me £6.98 a bottle instead – so I went to the cashier and queried it. A girl went to the shelf with me and there it was : £6 a bottle so I said I’d been overcharged so gimme my six odd quids back.

“Can’t do that” she says. “Not able to do that on the tills. You either accept the £7 or we’ll give you your money back.” I’m a reasonable bloke. Not her fault. “Manager” says I. “Now please” and out comes some spotty faced kid who is apparently the manager of the wine department. “I’ll check the price” says he and buggers off. Five minutes later, back he comes and declares that the price I’ve been charged is correct and the price shown on the shelf is wrong. Again I’m told accept it or take a full refund. FFS!

“Store manager” says I. “Now please.” “Not available” I’m told. How convenient. “Here’s a solution” I suggest. “Just give me a gratis bottle so I have 7 at effectively £6 instead of 6 at £7.” Seems reasonable. It’s called customer service.

“Can’t do that” says he. “Messes up me stock control.” FFS again! “So” says I holding out a bottle at arms length, “what happens if I drop this and it smashes. How does your stock control handle that?” “That’s shrinkage” says he. “These things happen!” “So let’s pretend it happened this time and we can all go away happy?”

“Can’t do that” says he. FFS! FFS! I’m starting to lose it now! “So” I continues, “do you never have any wine stolen from your store that makes your figure wrong?” “That’s shrinkage” says he. I’m getting bloody nowhere and beginning to think that the major shrinkage is in this idiot’s brain cavity?…

“But it’s £6 on your website” says I, “and it’s click and collect. So if I put these 6 bottles back on the shelf and then go on line and order 6 bottles off your website, I get the same physical bottles from the same shelf in the same store for £6! What’s the problem.”

“That’s OK” says the moron. “The prices on the website aren’t necessarily the prices in the store.” “But it’s the self same actual physical bottles FFS!” “Yes, but you bought them on line not in the store – you just collected them from the store.”

So I’m marched down to the customer services desk where I’m ignored for around 15 minutes due to the queue of similarly pissed off customers, they refund my money and I piss off home without any wine.

What a bunch of fucking idiots…