It was revealed today that terrorists in Nice were targeting a man largely regarded by some as the most important man on the planet and possible reincarnation of Christ himself, Paul Hewson – better known to his messianic followers as Bono the Good.
Intelligence sources (sic) revealed that this is the second occasion Islamic state have tried to eliminate this charismatic figure as he was only a couple of miles away during the Bataclan attacks in Paris. This time he was
hiding eating in a restaurant less than a mile away.
A spokesman for Bono the Good made this statement…
“We are pleased to announce that for the second time Bono has escaped attempts by Islamic fundamentalists to silence the voice of the most important man on the planet. Bono is a natural target as one of the leaders of the free world and the propaganda value of his death could not be underestimated.
Luckily, in Paris the terrorists went to the wrong theatre. On this occasion, they couldn’t read a SatNav so all is well – apart obviously from the hundreds who were killed and injured. But at least Bono is safe and well and continues as a shining example of capitalism and free enterprise that we can all admire.
I’m also pleased to announce that Bono’s hat is completely unharmed as it was returning from a holiday in New York at the time of the attack.”
You couldn’t make it up – although actually I just did…