The truth behind the Nice attacks…

It was revealed today that terrorists in Nice were targeting a man largely regarded by some as the most important man on the planet and possible reincarnation of Christ himself, Paul Hewson – better known to his messianic followers as Bono the Good.

Intelligence sources (sic) revealed that this is the second occasion Islamic state have tried to eliminate this charismatic figure as he was only a couple of miles away during the Bataclan attacks in Paris. This time he was hiding eating in a restaurant less than a mile away.

A spokesman for Bono the Good made this statement…

We are pleased to announce that for the second time Bono has escaped attempts by Islamic fundamentalists to silence the voice of the most important man on the planet. Bono is a natural target as one of the leaders of the free world and the propaganda value of his death could not be underestimated.

Luckily, in Paris the terrorists went to the wrong theatre. On this occasion, they couldn’t read a SatNav so all is well – apart obviously from the hundreds who were killed and injured. But at least Bono is safe and well and continues as a shining example of capitalism and free enterprise that we can all admire.

I’m also pleased to announce that Bono’s hat is completely unharmed as it was returning from a holiday in New York at the time of the attack.

You couldn’t make it up – although actually I just did…

7 responses to “The truth behind the Nice attacks…

  1. The only thing of note that I remember about Bono (apart from the fact that he’s a complete bell end) is the story about him at a concert of his. Apparently in his arduous desire to polish his SJW credentials he started clapping slowly and saying at the same time, that “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies” Somebody, from the the rear of the venue, shouted “Well stop fucking clapping then”

    Yeah, I know it’s old, but it’s still funny and he’s still a bell end.

  2. Even the C-word is insufficient to decribe this oxygen thief.

  3. He looks like Dean Gaffney in that photo, both thick as shit

  4. Yea, a total twat, but it gives me an idea for a post….

  5. No point in bumping off Bono – three days later he’d rise up and be back amongst us.


    He’s been looking for it long and hard, and been disappointed 😉