93 Men in a Boat (26) – The Royalist

It is a great honour to be invited to dine at the Captain’s table and one that I have been privileged to experience on more than one occasion…

…and I should hope so too given the humungous amounts of dosh I have forked out on cruises over the years!

So there we are; all sat there in our finery with our pretty little name tags enjoying the envious glances from the assembled plebs who are having to pay for their own wine. What could be better? Refined company, elegant surroundings, convivial companions and intelligent conversation. Bliss.

Until, that is, Sir Lordly Plumsucker opposite starts sounding off about what a wonderful institution the monarchy is and what a wonderful King Charles would make if only the old trout would stand aside and give him a chance before he gets too old.

Now I have nothing against the monarchy, but I do happen to think that we could do better for a King that some jug eared senile old eco loon that hugs trees and spouts bollocks about climate change. So naturally, I feel honour bound to point this out.

At this point, the second English civil war rapidly takes shape across the table.

Stuck between us, our Russian captain takes it all in with amused bewilderment and then drops the bombshell to end all bombshells…

“In Russia” he says, “we knew how to treat our Royal family!”