“I’m voting Reform – keep it quiet!”

A Small Town Man post…

Here in Smalltown election fever is hotting up! Oh yes! We take elections very seriously here in Smalltown which is why whatever is on offer, we always vote Conservative.

After all, Labour is going to raise your taxes by £2,000 although it doesn’t say that in their manifesto. We know it’s true because Rishi says so and he never tell fibs. Oh, no! Not Rishi. He’s a paragon of virtue which is why the election was so much more important than attending the D-day commemorations and why he’s representing the country in the G7 meeting…

But it seems the new kid on the block – Reform UK – is a bit of a dark horse here. They’re out and about on the streets and closing to within a point of the Conservatives in the national polls. But not here in Smalltown because we know which side our blue bread is buttered if you see what I mean.

In Smalltown we’re very, very special and we’re so lucky to live here where the Red Menace has no chance of getting elected. We know better than that here!

Anyhow it would seem that not everyone is being honest with us, because people keep holding their fingers in front of their lips and saying things like “We’re actually voting for Reform, but don’t tell anyone or we’ll be ostracised down the Village Club. It’s a secret.”

Of course our aging population will never be swayed – except that with their fading eyesight and cataracts they might mistake the colour of the rosettes on the candidates. After all the Reform blue is almost the same colour and we’re easily confused.

Anyhow that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it…