Category Archives: taking the piss

Idiot of the week


And amazingly it’s not Dianne Abbott walking into a wall at the Police Federation meeting, or McCuntsky falling on his arse at the manifesto meeting, or Corbyn announcing policies not in the manifesto. In fact it’s not a member of the Labour Party at all. It’s not even Tim Farron. “So who the hell can it be?” I hear you asking…

Well, the answer is that it’s Yanis Varoufakis.

“Who?” you say. Well Yanis Varoufakis is the former Greek Finance Minister (look at the state of Greek finances and it says it all) and co-founder of the Democracy in Europe Movement – although the words ‘democracy’ and ‘Europe’ these days do suggest somewhat of an oxymoron. Seems he getting all worked up about the future status of EU citizens currently residing in the UK.

Yannis reckons there’s only on solution to this problem : “The answer is simple and should be supported both by Leavers and Remainers. Grant them British citizenship unilaterally and immediately!

Well that’s bollocks Yanis, because there’s another solution that’s equally simple. The EU agrees to a reciprocal arrangement for UK citizens living in the EU except they’re not going to agree to that because the EU want the ECJ to take precedence over our courts even after we’ve left the EU. That’s not going to happen.

Of course, you’ve got no vested interest in all this have you, Yanis? After all, you’re just one of those EU citizens yourself.

So here’s a suggestion for Yanis : Fuck off back to Greece and stop telling our government what to do…

Buying your first home…

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This weeks announcements about the ‘housing crisis’ and the plight of the poor snowflakes who can’t get on the housing ladder has caused me to think back to the ‘bad old days when I were a lad’ and how it was so much easier for my generation. Not.

Here’s how it used to work :

(1) You can’t afford to start with a four bedroom detached house in the same street where your parents live. You have to start with a one bedroom flat in a cheaper area and commute. That’s reality. Get used to it, snowflakes!

(2) You can’t afford to buy it on your own as a single person. In our day you decided to get married and bring two incomes to the table.

(3) You haven’t got a deposit so you have to save for one. This means you and your future partner opened a joint building society account and went without the simple things in life like going out every night with your mates, eating out instead of cooking at home, buying your coffee in Starfucks – that sort of thing. It’s called ‘making sacrifices’.

(4) After three years of saving, you went grovelling to the building society to apply for a mortgage. This was based on joint incomes, not a single income, and you had to prove by saving regularly that you (a) had a deposit and (b) could make the repayments. If you were very very lucky then you could get away with a 95% mortgage. 100% or higher was unheard of! 90% was the norm.

That’s how easy it was for us – which is why it makes by piss boil when I hear the entitlement generation whinging and bitching on about how it was so much easier for us and how they’re never going to be able to afford a home of their own. Reality seems to be something that simply doesn’t impinge on their view of the unfair, harsh cruel world that they’re living in.

In this life, you don’t get ought for nought. You have to earn it like we had to.

Get used to it…!

Antidemocracy in action

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There really are some very stupid people out there as was proven this Saturday afternoon by 40 odd thousand of them marching through London in an attempt to overturn a democratic referendum result that many of them didn’t even bother to vote in.

Read your own banners FFS! “We are the 48%” he proudly proclaims. Yeah – that’s right. You lost. The 52% won you thick git!

And how about this guy :

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He’s so dumb he hasn’t worked out that New York isn’t in Europe.

Take a listen to this guy. He’s talking a lot of sense. And he’s a millennial…

Honestly, if this is what getting an education does for you, I think we might as well all give up now.

EU immigration doesn’t effect jobs and wages

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It’s official. Immigration isn’t effecting the labour market. In fact, it’s a good thing. This is the view of TUC General Secretary Frances O’Grady as seen being interviewed by Andrew ‘Brillo’ Neil on the Daily Politics.

According to Frances it’s all down to the wicked employers. Seems they are employing perfectly legal cheap labour from the EU under the freedom of movement rules and paying them the UK legal minimum wage when they should be paying more and employing UK workers instead.

Well, Ms O’Grady, it seems that you are neglecting some simple facts.

(1) Businesses are there to make money not run charities. Over the past year, 400,000 jobs were created in the UK and 80% of these went to immigrants.

(2) 2.2 million EU migrants now work in the UK – a rate that has doubled in the last 5 years since the Eastern European countries joined the EU

(3) An influx of cheap labour from the EU means that wages for UK workers are being suppressed. It’s the simple law of supply and demand. If supply increases, then prices – or in this case wages – go down.

Brillo asked O’Grady no less than 14 times whether EU migration pushes down wages and reduces job opportunities for the UK workers who pay her £143,000 a year through their membership subs to represent them. Her answer? “There is no evidence that EU migration effects UK wages.” FFS!

If you want to know what people think if such blatent barefaced ineptitude ( dare I suggest lying? Shurely not! ), then you need look no further than the expression on the face at the left hand side of the above picture. It really says it all.

Just which workers are you being paid to represent Ms O’Grady? The UK or the EU…?

When is a tax break not a tax break?

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What with the new tax year being upon us and all the hoo hah about Cameron’s perfectly legal tax avoidance, this one almost passed me by…

This year, the Chancellor has decided that we will all get a £1,000 tax allowance on our savings if we are basic rate tax payers, anything over this being subject to the standard rate of income tax. “Great” you think. “I’m going to pay less tax on my savings interest!”

Well as Francis Urquart once famously said “You might very well think that” but in this case, you’d be wrong. You’re actually going to be paying more tax. “What?” I hear you yelling. “How can this be?”. Well, I’ll explain :

Currently, there is a 10% band for savings interest up to £2,885 so on the first £2,885 you pay tax of £288. With me so far? Good.

Under the new regime you pay no tax on the first £1,000. So far, so good. But then after the first £1,000 you pay tax at 20%. This means that you pay 20% on £1,885 (£2,885 less £1,000) which amounts to £377 – an extra tax payable by you of £89

Brilliant isn’t it? Trumpet the additional allowance to encourage you to save and then increase the tax on the interest when you do. This is a move of which the Machiavelli of stealth taxes himself, Mr Gordon Brown, would have been truly proud!

Sneaky bastards…