Category Archives: taking the piss

Stupidity at the RNLI


Why would anyone want to slag off the RNLI you might ask? The selfless unpaid volunteers risk their lives on a regular basis. They’re heroes in the true sense of the word and should be praised!

Well, quite. But it would appear that the management are a bunch of humourless, PC snowflake cunts. They’re the ones I’m after.

Cue Whitby lifeboat station. Enter stage left RNLI manager (female, of course) who spots a couple of comedy mugs with – God forbid – a picture of a naked woman on the front. Shock! Horror! Seems the men had given each other Secret Santa gifts including a mug which featured a photo of a nude woman with the face of one crewman superimposed on top.

Humourless twat from RNLI decides that said mugs could have been found by schoolchildren, which posed a ‘safeguarding risk’.

So the two lifeboat men are sacked. By telephone ‘natch. Snowflakes don’t do confrontation after all. I’m just surprised that she didn’t do it by text, or Facebook, or Twatter frankly.

And the reaction to this load of OTT PC bollocks? Well, it seems that four fellow crew members have told the RNLI to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Reportedly, three more have quit this morning. Two of the crewmen who quit are said to be women. A petition has been raised locally demanding that the men are reinstated. So far 500 locals have signed it.

So has the RNLI backed down? Has it fuck! A spokesman said “We want to stress that this was not a trivial matter. The lifeboat station should be an environment where people can expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

We cannot allow bullying, harassment or discrimination in what should be a safe and inclusive environment and there will be serious consequences for anybody who demonstrates this behaviour within the RNLI. By challenging this behaviour, we are standing up for the thousands of volunteers who are committed to doing the right thing as they operate our 238 lifeboat stations, saving lives at sea around the clock, 365 days of the year.

Our dedicated volunteers represent the values and principles of our organisation and we will not allow any behaviour that brings the work of the RNLI and our people into disrepute.

So I would suggest to the RNLI that the correct way to treat people with dignity and respect is not to sack them by phone. And if you don’t want the RNLI to fall into disrepute, then I would suggest that you don’t behave like a bunch of over officious, humourless, feminazi idiots! And yes, I’m afraid it really is a trivial matter.

Interestingly, I have tried in vain to find out the name of the fool who sparked all this off in the first place.

Now there’s a surprise…

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Pointless technology


Every so often, some tech company comes up with something which is best described ‘we did it because we could even though there was no point!’ and last weeks announcement by Apple was no exception.

Wireless charging for your phone is not new. The picture above shows a cheapo Belkin charging pad that been around for a while. It’s actually not a ridiculous idea in itself, but it’s the ‘wireless’ bit that gets me. What’s that thing sticking out the back of the charging pad? Oh, let me think… Looks like a mains lead to me.

So, before the wireless charger came along we plugged one end of our lead into the phone and the other into a USB socket/charger in the wall socket. Now we plug the charging pad into the wall socket and have a charging pad on the table top to rest our phone on to charge.

Excuse me if I missed something, but instead of having a dangling lead to plug the phone into we now have a bloody great lump of hardware taking up usable space instead. This is, according to Apple, a giant leap forward.

Well, no actually. It isn’t. It’s just a pointless gimmick to persuade idiots to spend over £1,000 on a phone which, in my book, makes the idiots just a pointless.

“A fool and his money are soon parted”

Trolls and glove puppets


Those of you who read my ramblings with any regularity will know that I have attracted the attentions of my very own internet troll called Rickie aka Dickie Doubleday aka many other names – including mine!

I’ve been ignoring the little shit for some time. He will tell you that’s because he’s warned me that there will be ‘consequences’ if I ever mention him online anywhere and that this will lead the the impending doom that is ‘the finale’ something which I fear as much as Cardinal Fang fetching the comfy chair.

Anyhow, I ignore him not because I’m intimidated by him but because it seems to drive him nuts that I ignore him! So why am I writing this now?

The answer is that dear Rickie likes to talk to himself when nobody else will talk to him, so he pretends to be me so we can have imaginary confrontations. He’s hijacked a blog that’s been dormant since 2012 that belongs to a blogger I used to read called The Ranting Penguin. Under the top post, he’s posted a couple of thousand comments and directed people to read ‘his blog’ all over the internet.

The comments mainly complain about a blog called ISAC where I was an editor until the end of last year. There’s an article on there with the background. He became such a nuisance that he was blocked and his address – given to me by a group of several bloggers he’d harassed over the years – was published.

To cut a long story short, Rickie has posted on there continually attacking me and threatening me. He’s posted lies, filth and general abuse on there using my name. Over the last few days he’s also been on a forum called ‘Cunts Corner’ as Upton Man and as me. It’s been confirmed that these two have the same ip address so it just has to be him.

For the record, I am not Upton Man and I have never posted anything on the Corner. Apart from when I confirm my post by cross posting it elsewhere, I have not contributed to the crap on The Penguin. To emphasise the point my publically known gmail address was used. I never post comments under that address and I changed the gravatar associated with it to a red box with FAKE written in it which, to anyone but a half wit like Rickie, would give people a bit of a clue as to the validity of what was being posted.

I ignore Rickie which, unfortunately, just makes him madder. I’m writing this so that people whose blogs he’s contaminated using my name know it isn’t me.

I’m also trying to make bloggers aware that if you’re not going to use your blog any more, it would be a good idea to shut it down or at least time limit your comments otherwise twats like Rickie can openly abuse it.

As Rickie says, nothing on The Penguin can be removed except by the owner. Unfortunately for him, he seems to have forgotten that this cuts both ways.

So there. I’ve ignored your threat and mentioned you again. Now go screw yourself Rickie there’s a good boy…

Idiot of the week


And amazingly it’s not Dianne Abbott walking into a wall at the Police Federation meeting, or McCuntsky falling on his arse at the manifesto meeting, or Corbyn announcing policies not in the manifesto. In fact it’s not a member of the Labour Party at all. It’s not even Tim Farron. “So who the hell can it be?” I hear you asking…

Well, the answer is that it’s Yanis Varoufakis.

“Who?” you say. Well Yanis Varoufakis is the former Greek Finance Minister (look at the state of Greek finances and it says it all) and co-founder of the Democracy in Europe Movement – although the words ‘democracy’ and ‘Europe’ these days do suggest somewhat of an oxymoron. Seems he getting all worked up about the future status of EU citizens currently residing in the UK.

Yannis reckons there’s only on solution to this problem : “The answer is simple and should be supported both by Leavers and Remainers. Grant them British citizenship unilaterally and immediately!

Well that’s bollocks Yanis, because there’s another solution that’s equally simple. The EU agrees to a reciprocal arrangement for UK citizens living in the EU except they’re not going to agree to that because the EU want the ECJ to take precedence over our courts even after we’ve left the EU. That’s not going to happen.

Of course, you’ve got no vested interest in all this have you, Yanis? After all, you’re just one of those EU citizens yourself.

So here’s a suggestion for Yanis : Fuck off back to Greece and stop telling our government what to do…

Buying your first home…

agents
This weeks announcements about the ‘housing crisis’ and the plight of the poor snowflakes who can’t get on the housing ladder has caused me to think back to the ‘bad old days when I were a lad’ and how it was so much easier for my generation. Not.

Here’s how it used to work :

(1) You can’t afford to start with a four bedroom detached house in the same street where your parents live. You have to start with a one bedroom flat in a cheaper area and commute. That’s reality. Get used to it, snowflakes!

(2) You can’t afford to buy it on your own as a single person. In our day you decided to get married and bring two incomes to the table.

(3) You haven’t got a deposit so you have to save for one. This means you and your future partner opened a joint building society account and went without the simple things in life like going out every night with your mates, eating out instead of cooking at home, buying your coffee in Starfucks – that sort of thing. It’s called ‘making sacrifices’.

(4) After three years of saving, you went grovelling to the building society to apply for a mortgage. This was based on joint incomes, not a single income, and you had to prove by saving regularly that you (a) had a deposit and (b) could make the repayments. If you were very very lucky then you could get away with a 95% mortgage. 100% or higher was unheard of! 90% was the norm.

That’s how easy it was for us – which is why it makes by piss boil when I hear the entitlement generation whinging and bitching on about how it was so much easier for us and how they’re never going to be able to afford a home of their own. Reality seems to be something that simply doesn’t impinge on their view of the unfair, harsh cruel world that they’re living in.

In this life, you don’t get ought for nought. You have to earn it like we had to.

Get used to it…!