Category Archives: politics

How to lose an election…


It’s quite clear that you lot just can’t be trusted to behave while I’m away. I mean, I go off to Namibia for a little cavort in the Kalahari and an election is announced. I pop off for a couple of weeks to Corsica, and come back to find the government completely fucked up. I can’t turn my back for a minute…

Had I been here, this is what I would have advised our illustrious Iron Lady wannabe :

(1) In general elections no governing party should expect themselves to be popular. Somebody has to make decisions in government and what ever they might be, they’re never going to be popular. You’re going to get less votes.

(2) If you’re in power and losing 6 seats is going to cost you your majority, refer to rule one above and don’t bloody well call an election.

(3) Never have an election thinking you can stick to one issue. It ain’t going to happen. William Hague tried it and got hammered. Learn from history.

(4) Don’t put policies in your manifesto that are going to alienate your core vote especially if you then fail to properly think them through and get them across plainly and unequivocably. “Dementia Tax” might have been bollocks, but that’s how it came across.

(5) The UK isn’t America. We don’t elect Prime Ministers like they elect a President. Maybe we should but that’s not the issue. You cannot conduct a Presidential Campaign in a UK General Election – especially if you’ve had an empathy transplant.

(6) Project Fear doesn’t work. Demonising the other side ad nauseum will turn voters against you. The Brits love an underdog so don’t give them one

(7) We’re in the 21st century. If you don’t use social media then you’ll lose. Get yourself some geeks who understand it – like Labour did!

(8) Elections are fought and won on the economy. Labour brought out the magical money tree. You rolled out the soundbite and failed to rip their manifesto to pieces. You then compounded that by failing to produce a clear credible manifesto, fully costed, and economically sound. You have to have a costed and credible economic policy

(9) Don’t duck debates especially if you’re in power. You have to defend your policies or people will assume you can’t. But more importantly, if you decide that the Party won’t attend a debate, don’t send a substitute. Go yourself or stay away!

Now I know that the tories increased their share of the vote by around 5% but the fact is that Labour increased their’s by 10% – so you lost. As a result the country is in for months of not years of social unrest, strikes, disruption, protest marches and the rest. As I predicted a couple of years back, Corbyn is unelectable so the left will do what they’ve always done and try to bring down the elected government by taking it to the streets.

And the tragedy of all this is that there was no need to call the bloody election in the first place…!

Words fail me…

desperation1

Never underestimate the ability of people to be stupid…

Keep calm – it’ll soon be over!


This time next week, we’ll all know whether we’re in the deep shit…

I can’t remember an election which has produced a less edifying spectacle than this current one. When Corbyn did his U-turn the other night and decided to grace that dreadful debacle of a BBC ‘debate’ it hit an all time low. The audience was plainly hand picked by momentum. Rudd was quite right to point out that this squabbling bunch of kids is the sort of ‘coalition of chaos’ that could be in power this time next week. God save us!

Mr clever dick Corbyn thought he was so clever wrong footing May but it just made him look stupid, petulant and untrustworthy. How he can bang on about May making U-turns and then make an even bigger one himself is beyond me. I don’t blame May not turning up. At least she kept her word which is more than you can say for Corbyn. The man makes up policy on the hoof, contradicts himself five minutes later, and then changes it again.

Only this morning Corbyn announced that there’ll be no coalition with the SNP if Labour are the largest party whilst almost simultaneously Sturgeon was announcing that the SNP have agreed to join a Lab/SNP coalition.

Explain to me how allowing sick patients to retain their home instead of selling it to pay for their care, and how raising the threshold at which care becomes free allowing you to keep £100,000 in your estate instead of £23,000 can be called a ‘dementia tax’. They’ll be better off FFS!

This has been a campaign where the media has never been so biased. It’s been a campaign where soundbites take precedent over facts. It’s been a campaign of fantasy Corbynomics.

Corbyn confirmed this morning that McDonut, Flabbott and Thornbird will remain in post in his cabinet if he’s elected. A Marxist chancellor, racist home secretary and a foreign secretary that wants to scrap our nuclear deterrent. How the hell can people be stupid enough to vote for that???

And what’s more to the point remember that Corbyn lost a vote of confidence from his parliamentary party and most of his cabinet resigned. So exactly who is there apart from the these three that would be prepared to serve in his cabinet? But what the hell! Let’s put a glossy spin on it!

If the Tories lose their majority, there will be no Brexit. Corbyn has said there must be a deal so all the EU have to do is not give us one. If Labour win you’ll see your taxes rocket, your council tax treble, your job at risk as corporation tax hikes bankrupt businesses and cripple inward investment. You’ll see immigration go through the roof. You’ll see the national debt spiralling upwards as Labour redefine borrowing. You see yourself recategorised as ‘wealthy’ so you can be taxed even more. Labour will attack “the many, not the few”.

In fact even if you hate the Tories, you need to vote for them – because Labour will bankrupt this country and you – the electorate and taxpayer – will be the ones footing the bill…

Unite’s new poster…


Today McCuntsky’s lefty boys have launched a new post campaign in north of England to persuade people to “come home to Labour” on the 8th June.

They say ‘only Labour will protect jobs, the NHS, education and pensions’ – but I prefer a more honest version.

Labour will flood the country with immigrants – banging up class sizes, push taxes through the roof to pay for their ridiculous schemes, raid your pension fund, and destroy your jobs by raising corporate taxes and driving away investment.

So the real truth is that voting Labour on 8th June will wreck the country and the prospects for you and your kids. Come home to Labour on 8th June – and the next day you can come home to poverty and destitution.

That’s the real truth behind Labour…

Electionballs

“I’m really really upset about Manchester – now stop banging on about my Christian beliefs…”

Here’s my round up of the piss boiling moments of the election campaign so far this week :

Tonight the Limp Dumps decided to replace their election broadcast with a heartfelt, personal and non-political message from leader Little Timmy Farron following the heinous attack in Manchester. Except that it wasn’t non political if you think about it was it Timmy? It was about getting caring, compassionate, Christian Timmy in front of the voters.

Bear in mind that this is the same Little Timmy who wants to keep open borders and free movement so more of these bastards can come here and murder our children.

Labour have announced that Corbyn will relaunch the campaign tomorrow with a speech blaming Manchester on ‘our involvement in foreign wars’. He will say the UK “must be brave enough to admit the ‘war on terror’ is simply not working” and that a Labour government would base its foreign policy on “solidarity, humanity and compassion”.

Good luck getting ISIS involved on that one, Jezza! And while we’re at at, let’s just remember that our involvement in the foreign wars he’s alluding to were down to a LABOUR government.

And this is the same Labour leadership who refuse to condemn the IRA, the last bastards who blew the shit out of the heart of Manchester.

Still there’s always UKIP or the Greens to fall back on. UKIP being so sensitive that they launch their manifesto while all the other parties have suspended campaigning.

And the Greens are making such a success of the council they control in Brighton that there’s talk of drafting in an emergency council to sort out the mess. Never mind, let’s all go hug a tree.

And what are the Tories doing? Well, May visited the victims in hospital and then chewed the bollocks off Trump after the Americans leaked pictures of the Manchester crime scene. Other than that, they’ve been keeping a dignified silence and getting on with running the country.

After all, someone has too. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else capable of doing it…