Category Archives: philosophy

God and humanity

God help us! It’s Christmas. I regard it as a break in the year with time for some reflection but unfortunately my reflections often depress me badly. So this year I though I’d offload them so see if it makes me feel better…

The other night I started watching ‘Humans’ that I’d recorded earlier. It made me think about what exactly is a human being? As far as I could see, what sets us apart is self awareness – consciousness if you like. ‘Humans’ is upsetting because it introduces the concept of non human self awareness in machines; machines that we have created. It led me on to think about the Darwinian theory of evolution and that maybe we were put here merely to create the next stage of evolution – intelligent self aware machines that would ultimately succeed us on the ladder of evolution.

That set me to thinking about where we came from. Personally I think scientology is nonsense, but that doesn’t stop people believing in it. Of course, some people will believe in anything, even invisible pink unicorns, but that’s up to them and as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else then where’s the harm in it? Scientologists believe in extraterrestrial beings, and they’re probably right that they exist although I question their interpretation.

So what about the ‘Botany Bay’ theory? Earth was an inhabitable planet so they dropped all their undesirables down here and left them to get on with it. UFOs are monitoring us to make sure we don’t escape. It would explain a lot about human nature like why we, as a species, behave so despicably towards the environment, animals and each other. We are, effectively, descendants of convicts – and not very nice ones at that. We don’t respect or value anything of importance.

Someone once said “If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.” Personally I think that’s exactly what we did, but that’s just my opinion. I’m not an atheist as such. I believe there is something bigger than us and in an afterlife in some form or other, but not in a single superior God entity. To me it makes no sense.

A short time ago, a religious fanatic drove a truck into a Christmas market because he believed that anyone who didn’t believe in his version of God should be exterminated. The Nazis felt the same about the Jews. You can’t defend either of them, but it goes further. In Islam Shi’ites and Sunni moslems are killing each other. Same God, same church, different way of worshipping the same thing. The human mind is wonderful at inventing reason to kill people who disagree with you. I think they’re all at best deluded and at worst mad as hatters.

So there you have it, the Dioclese philosophy sermon for Christmas. If you’re a Christian and celebrating Christmas this week, good luck to you. You’re not hurting me and I’m happy to let you get on with it. Don’t ram it down my throat and don’t try to convert me. I’m not into missionaries and evangelists but if you are then that’s fine.

If you’re not a Christian then I say leave them alone to get on with it. Don’t try to kill them just because they’re different. You should leave them alone and they should leave you alone. Of course, it won’t happen because “If God did not exist, it would be necessary to find another reason to kill each other.”

Humans really are the most despicable species and if we don’t survive then we’ve really only ourselves to blame…

Meaning of life explained

This is likely to be a bit heavy, so bear with me…

Last night I had a dream. It was in real time, full technicolour and with sound. I dreamed that I came home from work with a headache, snapped at my family and then went to bed where I had a stroke. Pretty much fully paralysed I tried to get my family to help but couldn’t communicate with them. Eventually I managed to fall out of bed. I remember the details of the kitchen I walked through, the colour of the stove, the bedroom, the colour of the carpet. I felt myself hit the floor. I heard myself grunting as I tried to speak.

It was a horrible experience. When I woke up, I couldn’t move so I was rather frightened to say the least. After a few moments I was fine. It was all a dream after all.

Many years ago, I had a similar experience. This time I died. There was a war going on and the air raid warning sounded. It was a nuclear war. I hurried down into this big concrete underground shelter with hundreds of others. The bomb dropped. I felt the shockwave then the lights went out and the ceiling collapsed, crushing us all to death. I woke up rather quickly in a cold sweat, shaking. I had experienced my own death.

I have a couple of theories that explain all this and to be honest I can’t say if they’re home spun or if I picked them up from somewhere. Before I go into them, let’s reflect on Stephen Hawking for a moment.  After all, he is recognised as a right clever bastard…

Hawking reckons that there are more then 3 dimensions. Several more, in fact. I don’t profess to understand all of it, but he describes our reality as being akin to a shadow on a wall. A mere layer in many dimensions. Other eminent physicists such as Alan Guth at MIT and Sean Carroll propose that if you accept the big bang theory, then it is inconceivable that other parallel universes do not exist.

Hawking also reckons that time is not linear but that we experience it in this way so that our brains can cope with it. I’m not so sure, but it does fit with my theories.

Theory one:  Reality doesn’t exist. I as an individual entity am not actually a human being in a corporeal body. I exist as an ‘intelligence’ of some sort and as such existence is merely something that my being has invented around me. When I ‘die’ in one life, my consciousness flits back to another create another ‘life’ for me. As time is not linear, these inventions sometimes overlap, hence my experience last night.

Theory two:  This uses the multiple dimensions hypothesis. There are many layers of existence. This ‘life’ is just one of them. There are many versions of me in many different versions of ‘reality’. What I experienced last night and all those years ago is what I describe as ‘bleed over’. This is where another version of me experiences a traumatic event. The experience is so traumatic that it connects across all versions of reality and all the versions of myself feel it.

Now you might think that all of this a load of pretentious old bollocks, but the beauty of all this is two fold. Firstly, it all fits with Hawking’s theories.

Secondly, if theory one is correct then you don’t really exist other than as an invention of my mind. And, even better, if I am right then I don’t exist other than a figment of your imagination. So there is no point in you trying to argue with me because you’re really only arguing with yourself.

I did warn you it was deep…

Goodbye! Thanks for all the fish.

If I were you then I’d have my Christmas lunch early this year because you might not get a chance otherwise and it could well be your last.

According to the Mayan calendar – well according to modern interpretations of it, anyway – the world will end at 11:11 pm this evening. So that’s it. More more world. All gone. Over.

Whatever – we will soon know for sure. Or, I suppose, not know if we are all dead.

But it’s not all doom and gloom – figuratively speaking. You could have a good blow out (if you’ll excuse the unfortunate choice of phrase!), stick it all on your credit card and, if the predictions are correct, then you will never have to pay for it.

Plus from the greater cosmic view of things, I’m sure that there are extraterrestrial species out there who will benefit inestimably from the demise of a disgustingly violent, devious, self interested crock of shit like the human race.

And if you take the cosmic view, the sun could explode and it would not make one iota of difference in the great scheme of things given the size of the universe.

There is a lot of debate about whether all this is nonsense and even about whether or not we have calculated the dates correctly. But I have a simpler explanation. The Mayan calendar is carved on a piece of stone…

…maybe the sculptor simply ran out of space?

Bald is the new hair!

I recently received a comment about my article on the Pink List which basically said “What about a bald list – They’re a minority too!”

Well, actually they’re not. 1 in 4 men are bald by 30 and 66% at 60.

Anyway, my researches did reveal this fascinating web site for the “Brotherhood of Bald People” which includes a great article on “14 Great Reasons to Shave Your Head”. Whoa!

Here’s just a few of them :

  • Wearing a hat doesn’t mess my hair up
  • Riding a motorcycle without messing my hair up
  • Riding rollercoasters and amusement park stuff without messing my hair up
  • Going to the beach or the pool without messing my hair up
  • Sleeping on long airplane rides without messing my hair up
  • Working out in the gym without messing my hair up

OK. I get the picture. So one of the great reasons for not having any hair is that you never mess your hair up?

But there must be more to it than that, mustn’t there? Well apparently there is…

“….getting cool nicknames like “Skeletor” and “Captain America”

Wow! I must shave my head immediately, because then…

“I can be more relaxed and my real self comes out more because I am not worried about my hair”


“I get to sleep in longer because I save time having to do my hair”

Clearly there is something really deep and spiritual going on here, so where did I put that razor?…

Religion and philosophy

I will now explain the meaning of life…

The Matrix nearly got it right. Reality is an illusion.
I am God. Nothing exists except me and all reality mearly exists in my consciousness. I have no physical body but I think of myself as having one. Everything that happens in ‘the world’ is a figment of my imagination. You do not exist outside of my ‘mind’.
Now, you might think that’s a load of old tosh – but that doesn’t matter because you don’t exist.
It’s an argument that is totally irrefutable.