One might have been forgiven for thinking that last weekend’s great festival of ‘Music, art poetry, dreaming, fun, happiness’ was indeed ‘a great day out.’ After all, the great messiah of the working classes, Jezza himself, said as much – so it must be true!
But it’s not true is it? The fact is that Labour Live was a monumental flop. Not that you will have heard that on the TV news, a situation which would not be unexpected on the Biased Broadcasting Corporation, but what about Sly News, or Idiot TeleVision? No. Not a dicky bird. Nothing. But what did you expect? Did you hear them report earlier in the week that six members of the Labour front bench resigned en masse? No, of course you didn’t…
The press were marginally less biased about Jezfest, but not a lot. Even the more recognisable Labour rags were a bit scathing. Even the Grauniad declared “If walking around JezFest is anything to go by, the Tories have little to fear!”
It started badly for Labour when some idiot snowflake at HQ suggested that they could build on Comrade Corbyn’s ego trip at last year’s Glastonbury by holding their own mini version in the north London Labour heartland. It was a bad idea. First, they couldn’t find any committed socialist bands to pay for free. Socialist principals have their price, after all.
Then they couldn’t sell the tickets. £35 to hear a speech from the great Catweazel. Surely a bargain? Well, no. 30,000 on sale, only 2,000 mugs, so just to piss off the 2,000 they slashed the price to £10. And for just ten quid you get to talk to the great McClusky himself in the Unite marquee. Who could refuse that? Well, loads of people actually.
Not that this deterred the organisers. Unite bought 10,000 tickets at the full £35 and provided free transport to bus them in. Of course several of them were there already because they were bullied into working as stewards for free – pretty hypocritical for a party which condemns interns working for free!
But even that didn’t work. Even in a Momentum stronghold, they couldn’t attract people who wanted to listen to the likes of Eddie Izzard and Owen Jones telling them what they should be thinking. To be fair, I suppose that’s understandable. What would your traditional Labour core voter make of a transvestite alternative comedian with fake tits? Hard to say, but we could probably guess. But as one reporter revealed, when he got to the door determined that he wasn’t going to pay more than the discounted £10 for a ticket, he was told that ‘locals get in for free’. What a shame they forgot to tell the locals!
And then there was the moment the great man appeared – only to be met with a group of protesters proclaiming ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ seeking to ‘democratically overturn Brexit’. Well, they were ejected by a bunch of momentum heavies (denied by the organisers despite video evidence) because they were ‘blocking the view with their banner’. Democracy in action, presumably? Where did we see this sort of tactics before? Nazi Germany during the rise of Hitler perhaps?
No, at the end of the day you can spin this any way you like – and be assured they will – this was an ill conceived vanity project and a comprehensive failure. Even some of the photographs on Facebook bore a remarkable similarity to Glastonbury 2016. Presumably that was just a mistake rather than a deliberate lie? Of course it was.
So how do we sum up Labour Live 2018? Let’s be honest – if a major political party can’t even make a profit on a fundraiser, how the hell can you expect them to handle the economy?
“Labour – for the few, not the many”