Category Archives: culture

10/10 Tango Man


Houston Texas is truly fucked by Harvey. Even more fucked than New Orleans by Katrina. Even more than Haiti.

Hang on! What’s Haiti got to do with it? Well, I started this blog in January 2010 because I was so incensed with the response to the massive earthquake that hit Haiti – particularly the way a bunch of so called ‘Christian’ Evangelists couldn’t get out of the country quick enough when the airport reopened. Then there was a ray of light…

The next day former US President Bill Clinton was spotted at Haiti airport helping to unload relief supplies from a cargo plane. No fanfare, no photo opportunity, no press announcement – just an ordinary bloke doing his bit who happened to be an ex-president of the USA. That’s the way to do it.

The other day Trump donated $1 million of his personal money to the relief fund. Now I realise that Trump has got a lot of money, but nevertheless it’s still a million dollars and it’ll help do some good. But Trump isn’t the richest guy in America by a long chalk, so where are rest of these preening posturing so-called philathropists? People like Gates and Zuckerberg who have one fuck of a lot more money that Trump.

Of course his opponents will say it’s posturing. After all, they’ll slag him off anyway whatever he does, so if he gave nothing it’d be wrong too. So why did he bother?

Well, it’s called leading by example and maybe, just maybe, it’ll shame some other filthy rich fuckers in America to follow his lead?

I’m not holding my breath…

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Festival time !

A Smalltown Man post…

Yes, it’s the August bank holiday and, amazingly, the sun is shining even in Smalltown! So it’s time for our annual summer festival. Never mind Notting Hill. Oh no! Our festival is far better than that.

Notting Hill might have street parties, exotic dancers, parades, floats, music and veritable bon homie oozing from every pore of it’s being but we’ve got something much better. Food and drink! The town centre is transformed into a sea of plastic chairs from which, using nothing more complex than a pair of high powered binoculars, you can watch a ‘celebrity’ chef cooking! How exciting is that? Wowza!

And if you don’t fancy playing ‘Guess the Name of the Chef’ then there’s a series of events happening all across town. There are vetted and approved buskers at strategic locations throughout Smalltown – don’t bother auditioning if you’re over 25! We support our talented young entertainers in Smalltown.

Then there’s the various games we’re sponsoring to keep you entertained. Games like ‘The Used Needle Hunt’, ‘Kick the Blind Mans Dog’. ‘Throw a Coin in the Beggars Hat’ and let’s not forget ‘Spot the Indigenous Englishman’. Yes, win a major prize – a luxury one night stay in a local hotel. The second prize is a two night stay!

Never let it be said that in Smalltown we don’t know how to hold a festival. Oh, no! And with all this excitement going on, there’s not a stabbing or serious assault in sight. Well, not many anyway…

From our communities correspondent, Upton Nogood

Destroying our heritage


Frankly, I was a pissed off when a rather stupid Rhodes scholar wanted to tear down a statue of Cecil Rhodes – the man who’d just funded his university education – because he was a racist. For an intelligent ( sorry, well educated not intelligent ) Oxbridge student to come out with such rampant bollocks left me speechless. Speechless is not an easy thing to achieve in my case!

And after the bullshit in the States where the non-whites want to tear down statues of confederate war heroes, we’ve now got the same bollocks over in this country. It’s been suggested that Admiral Horatio Lord Nelson was a white supremacist and therefore Nelson’s Column – a landmark of the Capital city and massive tourist attraction – should be torn down.

So what idiot is proposing this nonsense? Afua Hirsch is a 36-year-old half-British, half- Ghanaian journalist brought up in London who, until this week, scarcely anybody had heard of. Her attention focuses on Nelson’s friendships with West Indian slave traders, and his description of the ideals of abolitionist William Wilberforce as ‘a damnable and cruel doctrine’.

Notably, Nelson treated all his sailors equally – black and white – chastising those who screwed up and commending those who performed their duties well. He was a man of his time. He would undoubtedly have opposed women getting the vote, but this would not make him a misogynist. He hated the French because we were at war with Napoleon not because he was a xenophobe.

Cecil Rhodes was by all accounts an unpleasant man, but he served his country diligently and did his bit for the empire. And let’s not conveniently forget that Britain was the first country to abolish slavery.

These men and their attitudes were of their time. We don’t expect the Japanese or Germans to apologise for their actions in WWII despicable as many of them were. The modern generation were not the ones responsible, and yet idiots like Hirsch think we should be atoning and apologising for the actions of our ancestors.

These people are the real racists. And let’s not forget that racism is only white on black and never the other way around. Personally, I’m proud to be English and refuse to apologise to anyone for what my grandparents did. I object strongly to calls for Rhodes statue to be torn down, Nelson’s column to be demolished and – let’s not forget this one – Waterloo Station to be renamed because it’s offensive to the French.

These things are part of our heritage and are what make Britain British. In New Zealand there are calls for the statue of Captain Cook to be torn down because it offends the indigenous people of that country. And yet in the UK it’s open season on the indigenous peoples whose culture is being eroded on a daily basis.

To those people who espouse such things, I have a simple message : Fuck off and live somewhere else..!

Vanity publishing

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They say everybody has at least one book in them itching to get out, so how do you get it out there? I know a couple of well known bloggers who have written books, so out of interest I thought I’d take a look…

For many years – and certainly before the digital revolution and eBooks – authors have been self publishing. Mark Twain, for example, did just that. The costs however can be prohibitive so the so-called ‘vanity publisher’ appeared on the scene. These less than scrupulous people preyed on authors sick of getting rejection letters, offering to publish their books in exchange for contributions towards costs. More often than not, these costs were considerable and the services offered in exchange minimal. Basically, they were exploiting the vanity of the author, hence the label.

In addition, you need to ask yourself whether you are signing away a proportion of your royalties because, in general, if you are then you’re probably being exploited. If they have your money and the book sells, they make a good profit. If the book doesn’t sell, then you’re the one out of pocket. If they’re not marketing or promoting your product, then why are they charging for it? It’s a reasonable question and a win/win for them not you.

Vanity publishers should not be confused with genuine companies who offer editing, proof reading, design, ISBN registration and other genuine services in exchange for a fee. These processes can be expensive, complex and time consuming so you are being offered a genuine service in exchange for your money.

Now, of course, it is possible to do it all yourself and sell digitally on line. This keeps costs to a minimum and makes your book available to a huge potential market – provided your seller knows it exists. Amazon is the obvious choice for your eBook. You can get it on there for a reasonable cost and the returns are potentially enormous – or, indeed, non existent if nobody buys it. But beware of the main pitfall of eBook publishing. Piracy.

Books are no different to music in that respect. Loads of people out there will download your book without paying for it. My friend Chas C has the same problem with music. He has several albums on Amazon, iTunes and other sites. He doesn’t make much from them but is proud of the fact that he’s got a couple of albums heavily pirated throughout Russia and Portugal on download sites. He’s about £10,000 out of pocket on what he would have got if the downloaders had bought them. Of course, not everyone who grabbed it for free would have parted with cash for it.

So if, like him, your attitude is to spread your work for the artistic pleasure you get from it rather than the money, then digital could be the way to go. On the other hand, if you need the money…

It’s a minefield alright, but if you want to give it a go, I wish you all the very best.

The Ministry of Truth

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I was interested to read this morning an article in the Daily Fail by Katie Hopkins about the infiltration of our schools by snowflakes and libertarians who are brainwashing our children.

She’s quite right when she says that it’s fine for teachers to teach our children to think, but goes on to point out that that what’s increasingly happening is that teachers are teaching our children what to think. By pushing their own agenda and their biased view of the world, they’re brainwashing an entire generation – and that’s not only wrong, it’s dangerous as well.

The anti-Trump protests are a visible example of this insidious practice. I worry when I see 9 year old kids carrying banners saying things like “Not my president” or “Immigrants welcome” or “No hate, No racism!” because my grandson is 9 years old and is certainly not au fait with the complicated goings on in world politics. He simply doesn’t understand it. And why should he? He’s 9 nine years old and enjoying his childhood. Plenty of time later for worrying about the state of the world!

When kids start coming home and telling their parents that Mr Trump is a racist and wants to do bad things, I seriously wonder how young children could have arrived at this opinion unless it was rammed down their throats by teachers with their own political agenda. I doubt my 9 year old knows very much about the new President of the USA or, for that matter, about Brexit. Somebody is filling their heads with this stuff.

Now I’ll admit that some of this might be down to the political leanings of the parents and that’s been going on for generations. My political leanings might have been considerably different if my father had a different job to the one he actually had. He never rammed his political opinions down my throat, but at the same time we are all heavily influenced by our upbringings. I’m not defending it – it’s just the way it is and has always been. But it is worrying when out teachers do it.

We send our kids to school to be educated, not molded; taught to think not what to think; to behave not how to behave. It’s a school, not the ministry of truth. They’re there to be educated, not re-educated.

Orwell got it right – he just got the year and venue wrong…