Category Archives: crap

Trolls and glove puppets

Those of you who read my ramblings with any regularity will know that I have attracted the attentions of my very own internet troll called Rickie aka Dickie Doubleday aka many other names – including mine!

I’ve been ignoring the little shit for some time. He will tell you that’s because he’s warned me that there will be ‘consequences’ if I ever mention him online anywhere and that this will lead the the impending doom that is ‘the finale’ something which I fear as much as Cardinal Fang fetching the comfy chair.

Anyhow, I ignore him not because I’m intimidated by him but because it seems to drive him nuts that I ignore him! So why am I writing this now?

The answer is that dear Rickie likes to talk to himself when nobody else will talk to him, so he pretends to be me so we can have imaginary confrontations. He’s hijacked a blog that’s been dormant since 2012 that belongs to a blogger I used to read called The Ranting Penguin. Under the top post, he’s posted a couple of thousand comments and directed people to read ‘his blog’ all over the internet.

The comments mainly complain about a blog called ISAC where I was an editor until the end of last year. There’s an article on there with the background. He became such a nuisance that he was blocked and his address – given to me by a group of several bloggers he’d harassed over the years – was published.

To cut a long story short, Rickie has posted on there continually attacking me and threatening me. He’s posted lies, filth and general abuse on there using my name. Over the last few days he’s also been on a forum called ‘Cunts Corner’ as Upton Man and as me. It’s been confirmed that these two have the same ip address so it just has to be him.

For the record, I am not Upton Man and I have never posted anything on the Corner. Apart from when I confirm my post by cross posting it elsewhere, I have not contributed to the crap on The Penguin. To emphasise the point my publically known gmail address was used. I never post comments under that address and I changed the gravatar associated with it to a red box with FAKE written in it which, to anyone but a half wit like Rickie, would give people a bit of a clue as to the validity of what was being posted.

I ignore Rickie which, unfortunately, just makes him madder. I’m writing this so that people whose blogs he’s contaminated using my name know it isn’t me.

I’m also trying to make bloggers aware that if you’re not going to use your blog any more, it would be a good idea to shut it down or at least time limit your comments otherwise twats like Rickie can openly abuse it.

As Rickie says, nothing on The Penguin can be removed except by the owner. Unfortunately for him, he seems to have forgotten that this cuts both ways.

So there. I’ve ignored your threat and mentioned you again. Now go screw yourself Rickie there’s a good boy…


Uncomic relief

Jesus H Christ on a motorcycle, it’s come around again! Comic bloody relief!

It doesn’t seem five minutes since the last time this pile of steaming horse shit was heaped upon us. And it seems to go on longer and longer every year. Get your fundraising packs now, all proceeds to third world dictators and chuggers. Children brainwashed and forced into taking part at school. Get ’em young enough and you’ve got ’em for life – and if they don’t join in then the parents are dragged before the head and duly chastised, and their kids feel ostracised for not conforming.

Personally if it was my kids, then I’d tell them to grow and I’d tell the head to go fuck himself. Orwell would be proud.

So tonight there’s fuck all on the Beeb (what’s new?) apart from a load of has beens trying to relaunch their careers, so-called ‘comedians’ making us cringe with their puerile attempts at being funny, and starving cheeldren being wheeled out to tug at the heart strings and part us from our hard earned dosh. Well, fuck ’em. You shouldn’t have kids if you can’t support them.

Well, they can fuck right off because they’ll get what they get from me every year, namely bugger all.

And this year there’s ten different red noses to choose from. Personally, I’d like one with ‘cunt’ written on it…

Oh! Seems it’s been done! Where do I get one…?

What’s in a name?

I was busy pissing myself laughing the other day when I saw the picture I’ve used above. Then, a few minutes later as if the great wheel of irony had inexorably turned there was an item on the local news about Gravesend.

Now Gravesend is, to be fair, a bit of a dump. In 2013, it was voted the sixth worst place to live in England by the website Chav Towns, which stated that it was home to some of “the most grotesque, loathsome, vile and vulgar” people in Britain. A view which seemed to be shared by the locals they interviewed on the vox pops who agreed it was a bit of a dump.

But apparently the local council think that they can give it an image makeover by changing the name to Gravesend-upon-Thames. Their argument? Apparently it worked for Staines. Really? I used to work in Staines. It’s still a dump…

Cllr Meade, cabinet member for tourism and youth, said a name change would “end some of the stigma” attached to the town and bring about a much-needed boost to tourism. He said at a meeting: “For too long, we have looked at tourism as a cost instead of looking at the potential economic benefits. Tourism is on the up in the county, but we are not seeing that trend reflected in the borough.”

He seems to think it will allow them to compete with places such as the Lake District on a more even keel.

He’s seriously deluded. You can’t polish a turd!


It’s that fucking time of year again. The run up to Christmas. Christ, I hate Christmas! It’s the most insincere pile of steaming bullshit ever invented!

So prepare yourself for bonfire night, diwali, the Christmas Fair, Children in Fucking Need (that Pudsey really is a cunt!), and all the unrelenting chugging and pulling on heart strings designed to guilt trip us into parting with our hard earned dosh.

But before that, there’s this evening’s American import. Hollow-fucking-een. A pagan festival hijacked by the marketing men as yet another way of selling us trash to dress up the darling kiddywinkles, and sweeties and treats to give the little sods…

….so in the interests of providing a valuable public service, here’s a handy poster to stick up in your window this evening to – hopefully – prevent the little buggers ringing your doorbell and demanding money with menaces.

"Please enter a new password…"

Please enter your new password:


Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

   “boiled cabbage”

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

   “1 boiled cabbage”

Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.


Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.


Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.


Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.


Sorry, that password is already in use.