Category Archives: bullshit

Glastocorbyn


Jesus H fucking Christ on a bicycle! Are there no depths to which Jeremy Corbyn will not sink in order to garner a few extra votes from the great unwashed, know nothing, snowflake generation?

Apparently not.

Is it only me that thinks it’s ironic that Jezza gives a lecture on austerity to a bunch of people who just paid £300 to see Katy ‘Airhead’ Perry?

Apparently.

Jezza pushed all the snowflake, gimme generation’s buttons. Gimme a job. Gimme high wages. Gimme a house to live in. Gimme the money the rich worked hard for so I can have it for nothing. Gimme open borders and help the poor refugees. Gimme free healthcare. Gimme a tree to hug. Gimme cultural diversity. Gimme freedom from poverty.

But more than all that what he was really saying is “Gimme your vote and I’ll give you lots of money!”

Except that reality doesn’t work like that, does it Jezza. So this is what I say to…

SOD OFF AND GIMME A FUCKING BREAK!

Vote Muppet!


So today was the big reveal of the Labour Party manifesto – well, if you ignore the leaked one last it was anyway…

Now let’s forget all the rash promises in the manifesto and concentrate on the meat of the matter : How are they going to pay for it all? Well, of course, we know the answer to that one. They’re not going to pay for it. You’re going to pay for it.

Those of you who read this blog regularly may remember that I’m a retired Chartered Accountant, so I understand creative accounting but I have to say that Fantasy Corbynomics exceeds any notion I may have had about accounting even in my most creative moments.

Here’s a simple example. You go out and spend £20,000 buying a new car. How much has this cost you and how much cash did you use? Well according to Labour, it’s cost you nothing because the value of the asset you now own means that it’s cost neutral. So how much cash did you get through? Well, none because Labour tell you this is capital expenditure and was funded by borrowing so it doesn’t come out of your revenue budget.

These are the arguments they use for their nationalisation and infrastructure spending plans. They say that renationalising loads of stuff is cost neutral because you still have the assets and that the cash used was raised by borrowing by issuing gilts so they’ve not used any cash either.

This is, of course, patent nonsense. If you buy a new car, it’s true you still have the car but it’s also true you ain’t got the money any more because you spent it. The fact that you borrowed the money to buy it still means that eventually you’ll have to pay it back so you can’t ignore the outflow.

Labour says that apart from it’s ridiculous tax and spend plans, it will borrow £250 billion. Let that sink in for a moment : that’s £250,000,000,000 or a quarter of a trillion pounds.

Let’s assume they raise that money at an optimistic 1.5%. The interest on that borrowing alone would cost £3.75 billion per annum. Where’s that going to come from? Well, out of your taxes or rolled into the borrowing.

The simple fact is that Labour’s plans simply aren’t feasible. They cost too much and there’s no money to pay for it. It’s a fantasy and if they try to do it then they’ll bankrupt this country.

And at the end of the day, they know it – but they’ll never admit it…

Sturgeon to resign!


Nicola Sturgeon seems to have pulled off a master stroke with her letter yesterday to Theresa May demanding – yes, actually demanding – that Scotland be given a second independence referendum. The Prime Minister is, however, having none of it.

The block buster letter reveals that should the Prime Minister not bow to her demands, then she will call a Scottish Parlimentary General Election on the single issue of an independent Scotland remaining in the EU after Brexit. Sturgeon says that if the vote does not give her a clear majority, then she will resign as First Minister.

It’s a bold move, but she seems to have completely missed the point that most Scots don’t want to leave the UK and the EU won’t allow Scotland to remain after the UK leaves as it isn’t a member.

Sturgeon says she has had secret talks with the EU and that they are prepared to let Scotland remain to punish the UK for leaving the club. She’s confident that she can carry a Scottish Parliament majority in an election and lead Scotland in to a bold new future as a subservient to Brussels instead of Westminster.

I’d like to see it happen because we might actually see the back of her at last…

Kindness


I was surprised to hear on the BBC Breakfast programme this morning that today is National Kindness Day. Why surprised? Well, it’s like this…

We already had National Kindness Day 2017 on 17th February. Did anyone notice? No. Thought not. Anyhow, according to Wikipedia – which as we all know is the definitive work for all things irrevocably truthful and accurate – we celebrate National Kindness Day every year on 31st March. Except we don’t. It’s in February.

Then again, I could be getting confused because I thought Kindness Day was on 13th November. That’s when the UN seems to think it is, and they should know. It’s their idea after all. Anyone notice that one? No. Thought not.

Seems that this year we’re having two. Or is that three? Anyhow, never mind because today’s the day that happens to coincide with the death of that paragon of selfless kindness, none other than Princess Di – or should that be Princess Dead?

Tessy Ojo, chief executive of the Diana Award (what else?), said: “It’s heartening to see that as a nation we’re kind and caring, but new statistics also highlight there’s much more we can do to make us even kinder. That’s why we’re kick-starting a campaign of kindness on National Kindness Day in memory of Princess Diana.” So shame it’s not actually National Kindness Day today. Did I mention that’s in February. Or was it November? I’m confused.

I’ve been very kind today as I always am. I held a door for someone to walk through. They ignored me. Then I stopped to let a old couple cross the road. They ignored me too. I pulled over to let a car come the other way. The driver ignored me. Then I stopped to let someone pull out of a side turning and guess what? Yes, they ignored me too.

So to hell with Kindness Day. I propose we launch ‘National Ill Mannered Cunt Day’ as that’s the way to seems to be panning out so far.

Still never mind. It’s also National Bunsen Burner Day today, and at least that will fit when I tell them where to shove it…

Happiness


Yes, today we should all be happy because the UN has decreed it. To me the fact that the UN even had the time to set up this shit demonstrates just what an ineffective talking shop it is…

Founded June 28, 2012 The International Day of Happiness Resolution 66/281 was the result of the effort of United Nations adviser Jayme Illien, who conceptualized the idea for a U.N. Resolution that would recognize the pursuit of happiness as a human right and a “fundamental human goal.”

Apparently the UN resolution marks a new historical milestone in humankind’s ultimate quest for happiness, which dates back to the time of ancient sages and philosophers such as Bhudda, Socrates, Confucius, Aristotle, Plato, Epicurus, Mencius, Abu Hamid al-Ghazali, and religious figures like Jesus, Abraham, Moses, and the prophet Muhammad – all of whom theorized about the purpose and meaning of life, the definition of happiness, and how to achieve it. Mind you, they all had fuck all else to do – a bit like the UN!

Well, here’s the Dioclese philosophy on happiness : you can’t enforce it and you can’t talk it up. Life is shit and you just have to get on with it.

And every time somebody says ‘happiness’ to me I think ‘Ken fucking Dodd’ and depression sets in immediately…