Category Archives: bullshit

Sleeping Beauty

Personally, I love a good story. In fact there’s nothing quite like a fairy tale with a happy ending to instil the spirit of the festive season.

Unless, of course, you’re a kill joy and total arsehole like Sarah Hall from North Shields who rather stupidly claims that Sleeping Beauty sends an ‘inappropriate sexual’ message to young children and insists that her school bans it. She says the story is irresponsible because it teaches children it is acceptable to kiss women while they are asleep. Apparently it’s all about sexual behaviour and consent. It’s just not appropriate in these enlightened times.

I expect the next victim will be Cinderella with it’s inappropriate sexual stereotyping and gender roles. FFS!

Anyhow, you might be interested in the original version of the story as written by Giambattista Basile in the 17th century, entitled “Sun, Moon, and Talia”:

Talia, the daughter of a lord, falls into a deep slumber after pricking her finger on a magical splinter. The lord cannot bear the thought of burying his beloved daughter and decides to leave her to rest in one of his estates.

One day a king is led into the estate and is enchanted by Talia’s beauty. He tries to wake her, but after failing to do so, he carries her to a bed and has sex with her while she sleeps.

The king then leaves Talia, who falls pregnant and gives birth to twins, a boy and a girl, all while still asleep.

She only awakes when one of her children mistakenly sucks the magical splinter out of her finger.

I think it’s important to maintain the historical accuracy of these old stories, so I can’t wait for the panto season…

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Pointless technology


Every so often, some tech company comes up with something which is best described ‘we did it because we could even though there was no point!’ and last weeks announcement by Apple was no exception.

Wireless charging for your phone is not new. The picture above shows a cheapo Belkin charging pad that been around for a while. It’s actually not a ridiculous idea in itself, but it’s the ‘wireless’ bit that gets me. What’s that thing sticking out the back of the charging pad? Oh, let me think… Looks like a mains lead to me.

So, before the wireless charger came along we plugged one end of our lead into the phone and the other into a USB socket/charger in the wall socket. Now we plug the charging pad into the wall socket and have a charging pad on the table top to rest our phone on to charge.

Excuse me if I missed something, but instead of having a dangling lead to plug the phone into we now have a bloody great lump of hardware taking up usable space instead. This is, according to Apple, a giant leap forward.

Well, no actually. It isn’t. It’s just a pointless gimmick to persuade idiots to spend over £1,000 on a phone which, in my book, makes the idiots just a pointless.

“A fool and his money are soon parted”

Destroying our heritage


Frankly, I was a pissed off when a rather stupid Rhodes scholar wanted to tear down a statue of Cecil Rhodes – the man who’d just funded his university education – because he was a racist. For an intelligent ( sorry, well educated not intelligent ) Oxbridge student to come out with such rampant bollocks left me speechless. Speechless is not an easy thing to achieve in my case!

And after the bullshit in the States where the non-whites want to tear down statues of confederate war heroes, we’ve now got the same bollocks over in this country. It’s been suggested that Admiral Horatio Lord Nelson was a white supremacist and therefore Nelson’s Column – a landmark of the Capital city and massive tourist attraction – should be torn down.

So what idiot is proposing this nonsense? Afua Hirsch is a 36-year-old half-British, half- Ghanaian journalist brought up in London who, until this week, scarcely anybody had heard of. Her attention focuses on Nelson’s friendships with West Indian slave traders, and his description of the ideals of abolitionist William Wilberforce as ‘a damnable and cruel doctrine’.

Notably, Nelson treated all his sailors equally – black and white – chastising those who screwed up and commending those who performed their duties well. He was a man of his time. He would undoubtedly have opposed women getting the vote, but this would not make him a misogynist. He hated the French because we were at war with Napoleon not because he was a xenophobe.

Cecil Rhodes was by all accounts an unpleasant man, but he served his country diligently and did his bit for the empire. And let’s not conveniently forget that Britain was the first country to abolish slavery.

These men and their attitudes were of their time. We don’t expect the Japanese or Germans to apologise for their actions in WWII despicable as many of them were. The modern generation were not the ones responsible, and yet idiots like Hirsch think we should be atoning and apologising for the actions of our ancestors.

These people are the real racists. And let’s not forget that racism is only white on black and never the other way around. Personally, I’m proud to be English and refuse to apologise to anyone for what my grandparents did. I object strongly to calls for Rhodes statue to be torn down, Nelson’s column to be demolished and – let’s not forget this one – Waterloo Station to be renamed because it’s offensive to the French.

These things are part of our heritage and are what make Britain British. In New Zealand there are calls for the statue of Captain Cook to be torn down because it offends the indigenous people of that country. And yet in the UK it’s open season on the indigenous peoples whose culture is being eroded on a daily basis.

To those people who espouse such things, I have a simple message : Fuck off and live somewhere else..!

Trolls and glove puppets


Those of you who read my ramblings with any regularity will know that I have attracted the attentions of my very own internet troll called Rickie aka Dickie Doubleday aka many other names – including mine!

I’ve been ignoring the little shit for some time. He will tell you that’s because he’s warned me that there will be ‘consequences’ if I ever mention him online anywhere and that this will lead the the impending doom that is ‘the finale’ something which I fear as much as Cardinal Fang fetching the comfy chair.

Anyhow, I ignore him not because I’m intimidated by him but because it seems to drive him nuts that I ignore him! So why am I writing this now?

The answer is that dear Rickie likes to talk to himself when nobody else will talk to him, so he pretends to be me so we can have imaginary confrontations. He’s hijacked a blog that’s been dormant since 2012 that belongs to a blogger I used to read called The Ranting Penguin. Under the top post, he’s posted a couple of thousand comments and directed people to read ‘his blog’ all over the internet.

The comments mainly complain about a blog called ISAC where I was an editor until the end of last year. There’s an article on there with the background. He became such a nuisance that he was blocked and his address – given to me by a group of several bloggers he’d harassed over the years – was published.

To cut a long story short, Rickie has posted on there continually attacking me and threatening me. He’s posted lies, filth and general abuse on there using my name. Over the last few days he’s also been on a forum called ‘Cunts Corner’ as Upton Man and as me. It’s been confirmed that these two have the same ip address so it just has to be him.

For the record, I am not Upton Man and I have never posted anything on the Corner. Apart from when I confirm my post by cross posting it elsewhere, I have not contributed to the crap on The Penguin. To emphasise the point my publically known gmail address was used. I never post comments under that address and I changed the gravatar associated with it to a red box with FAKE written in it which, to anyone but a half wit like Rickie, would give people a bit of a clue as to the validity of what was being posted.

I ignore Rickie which, unfortunately, just makes him madder. I’m writing this so that people whose blogs he’s contaminated using my name know it isn’t me.

I’m also trying to make bloggers aware that if you’re not going to use your blog any more, it would be a good idea to shut it down or at least time limit your comments otherwise twats like Rickie can openly abuse it.

As Rickie says, nothing on The Penguin can be removed except by the owner. Unfortunately for him, he seems to have forgotten that this cuts both ways.

So there. I’ve ignored your threat and mentioned you again. Now go screw yourself Rickie there’s a good boy…

Glastocorbyn


Jesus H fucking Christ on a bicycle! Are there no depths to which Jeremy Corbyn will not sink in order to garner a few extra votes from the great unwashed, know nothing, snowflake generation?

Apparently not.

Is it only me that thinks it’s ironic that Jezza gives a lecture on austerity to a bunch of people who just paid £300 to see Katy ‘Airhead’ Perry?

Apparently.

Jezza pushed all the snowflake, gimme generation’s buttons. Gimme a job. Gimme high wages. Gimme a house to live in. Gimme the money the rich worked hard for so I can have it for nothing. Gimme open borders and help the poor refugees. Gimme free healthcare. Gimme a tree to hug. Gimme cultural diversity. Gimme freedom from poverty.

But more than all that what he was really saying is “Gimme your vote and I’ll give you lots of money!”

Except that reality doesn’t work like that, does it Jezza. So this is what I say to…

SOD OFF AND GIMME A FUCKING BREAK!