The Westmonster Chronicles – part 9…
And Bojo did attend the Great Conflagration in the Eurocrat capital and returned with a Great Settlement Deal allowing Britain to escape the evil empire on Halloween. And with great pride and pomp and circumstance he did take it to the Senate and said unto them “This is a great deal. It will free us from the clutches of the Empire. It will allow us to go forth in the world as a great power and masters of our own destiny. I commend it you!!!”
And the Senators did look at the deal and said with a great voice “Humbug! This is the same deal as Mystic Mavis did present.” And Sir Doddery of the Paddies did speak saying “Thou hast sold us down the river, thou arsehole. We shall never agree!”
And Magic Grandpa did say “Bojo hast taken Mavis’ deal and made it worse. I oppose it with every bone in my body, even though I do not understand it.”
And up stepped Sir Oliver the Halfwit. “I shall lay down an amendment” he says. “You must pass the legislation before us for scrutiny before we agree to your deal and you shall ask the Eurocrats to let us remain whilst it is done.” And Bojo did call upon him to withdraw, but he refuseth causing great consternation and anger.
And so the deal was refused and Sir Halfwit’s amendment passed, and Bojo was forced to request a delay saying “I am forced to ask for a delay I do not want and will not support and sod the lot of them and the horses they rode in on.” (Didn’t he say that before?)
“I shall try and try and try again for this is great deal!” And Sir Nigel of Widdecombe did address the people saying “This deal is a bad deal. It is the Mavis deal. It is false and duplicitous. It is a non deal and I shall fight it with all my might. And Bojo didst reply “Humbug!” for Bojo listeneth not and speaketh much…
And Dame Jo the Swindler cared not, for she would insist that the people were asked and if they agreeth not with her then she would ignore them, for she was a true democrat.
And the Queen of Scots careth not either and all she wanted was power for herself and independence for the Scots under the rule of the Eurocrats, even thought that was not independence at all.
And so Bojo didst soldier on. “I shall persever and I shall triumph. I shall keep asking the same question until there is agreement. I shall win.”
“Nessum dorma!” he said to himself. Over and over again. And again. And again – for Bojo was a great scholar and loved the classics…
(…to be continued)
The Westmonster Chronicles – part 8…
And so it came to pass that the senators did reassemble for it was important that the Great Withdrawal was discussed openly in the chamber. But it didst not happen as all they did was to hurl insults at Bojo for sending them away. And Bojo was cross. Very cross. Very, very cross indeed…
But he was not moved. “I shall do it again next week” he said, “and sod the lot of you and the horses that you rode in on!” And he did call his cohorts together and promise them that the Great Withdrawal would be done by Halloween, do or die for this was the wish of the people and the will of people is sovereign.
And Bojo did make a new offer to the Eurocrats, saying “This is my best and final and you shall take it or leave it” and didst heavily slap it down on the table of King Drunker.
But the Eurocrats were not moved by his offer and Prince Varadkar of the Paddies dismissed it out of hand, before he even read it. And he did tell Bojo that his people did not wish to leave and that Bojo was denying them their right to stay in the Empire, even though the polls showed that two thirds of them wanted the Withdrawal done. And Bojo didst reply “Humbug!”
So it came to pass that the Eurocrats decided to play hardball, saying they would not even talk about it until they had returned from their country estates and a hard earned weekend break of wine, women and frivolity. Especially the ‘wine’ bit.
So Bojo did convene is advisors, especially Dominic the Terrible and did come up with a new approach. He would be nice the senators, tho’ it would stick in his craw, and be nasty to the Eurocrats.
“Let my people go” he proclaimed, “or I shall unleash upon you such fury that has not been seen since the seven plagues of Egypt! I shall veto your budget, disrupt your proceedings and appoint Sir Nigel of Widdecombe as our ambassador to your ruling Commission – and the excrement shall surely hit the fan most mightily! There shall be no more Mr Nice Bojo…”
(… to be continued)
The Westmonster Chronicles – part 7…
And it came to pass that Bojo didst get mightily pissed off with the Senate and did walk into the chamber and proclaim “In the name of God – go!”
And the Chair of the Chamber, Berk the Unconscionable, did protest most loudly. And the accolites of Magic Grandpa did call “Shame on you” as they were led away. And Bojo was pleased for the while.
And so Dame Jo the Swindler did gather her rather small herd together and did say “Expel the Bojo and make me your leader and I will pledge to remain in the evil empire. And should the people not approve then they shall be ignored for I know what is best for them.”
And Magic Grandpa did call his colaborators and said unto them “Make me your leader and I shall ask the people once more what they want and shall give them the choice to remain in the Empire or not leave, even though I agree with them not and may reconsider tomorrow.” But Grandpa was not popular with his flock and they didst openly dissent, which dischuffed him unto his knickers.
But then the League of Traitors did hit on a new plan. “We sball ask the judges to proclaim that Bojo has exceeded his powers and recall the Senators to the chamber” and they did succeed and call upon Bojo to resign.
But Bojo wouldst do no such thing for rather wouldst he lie dead in a ditch than betray his people…
(to be continued…)
The Westmonster Chronicles – part 5…
And Bojo was a mighty popular leader with the common people for he had promised them an escape from the evil Eurocrat Empire and was determined to keep his word. But not all were happy. Oh no!
Magic Grandpa cancelled his trip to Bongo Bongo Land and called a meeting of all the pro-Eurocrat factors in the legislature, and they did sign a great charter swearing to bring down the leader and remain part of the Empire. And Magic Grandpa was so confident that he left his lieutenants to convene the meeting whilst he went to saddle up his white unicorn and visit the Queen of the Scots.
So Dominic the Terrible didst come up with a plan. “Bojo” he sayeth, “disband the senate before they can do you harm.” And Bojo did, causing a great weeping and a-wailing from the traitors on all sides who were defying the will of the people.
And Magic Grandpa called upon his minions to take to the streets and barricade the bridges and cause civil unrest across the land, for the momentum was with them. And many came and a great many more didst not for they couldst not be arsed. But Magic Grandpa was bothered not as he was enjoying tea with the Queen of Scots and having a jolly nice time.
And in the capital a plot was being hatched to bring down Bojo in the legislature, binding his hands and trying to force him to cancel the Great Exodus. But Bojo was having none of it and didst call the ringleaders, Phillip Yellowhammer and Dominic the Grievous to his presence.
“And if you rise up against me and defy the will of the people then I shall banish you from the land and send you forth into the wilderness” he didst tell them. And they retired to consider his words…
(to be continued…)
Iain Macnab proudly flies the Scottish flag outside his home in Brunsmark, Germany where he is the burgermeister – or mayor. He has been elected to the post three times but Brexit means he will not be able to stay in office for much longer.
“The minute Brexit occurs, that’s me,” Mr MacNab said. “That’s the end of my tenure because I am no longer an EU citizen.” He has had that confirmed in writing by the state of Schleswig-Holstein that includes the Lauenburg lakes region of which Brunsmark is part.
The letter states that when the UK leaves the EU, British “people won’t be allowed to hold any office in a local council or local government”.
Unless he becomes a German citizen or secures dual nationality before the 31 October, he will be forced to quit the prestigious office he has held for 12 years. He has a German wife and two children. He says he’s a Scot and proud of it and refuses to renounce that to become German. He says he will move back to Scotland, campaign for independence and wants Brexit cancelled.
He’d rather relocate his family to a foreign country than take dual nationality. Nobody asked him to renounce being Scottish. He’s scoring political points and helping the BBC propaganda machine.
I am sick and tired of the endless anti-democratic BBC Brexit propaganda machine. I am sick and tired of the petty small mindedness of the EU bureaucracy and I am sick and tired of people like MacNab being so petty and pathetic that they would rather tear up their entire lives and those of their family than apply for a meaningless piece of paper that would allow him to carry on without any disruption whatsoever doing what he was already doing anyway.
Mr MacNab, you are a idiot…