Category Archives: #Brexit

Mystic Mavis and Magic Grandpa – part 2

And so it came to pass that Mystic Mavis did go to the Eurocrats and consort with King Drunker. “The people are revolting. mighty King” she did say. “They refuse to accept your kind and generous offer in return for pretending to be free!”

And the King was not amused. He put down his glass of wine, belched and said unto her “Your people have always been revolting, but you are fucking useless, Mavis. Go back and tell them they must obey or there will be a plague on all their houses and an outbreak of super gonorrhoea!”

“But the people will not believe it” she replied. Give me more time.” “Very well, Mavis. You have until Halloween to persuade them or it will be the witching hour for you!!”

“Thank you, great King. But will we have to take part in the elections which I promised we will not be holding?” “Yes”, he replied” “And you must ensure that the people elect the people we want who will do our bidding.” And Mavis retreated home with a heavy heart to tell the people what they must do and who they must elect.

But the people were incensed and said a loud “Fuck you” to Mavis and elected Sir Nigel instead. Even Magic Grandpa was rejected and did soil his pants mightily. So Magic Grandpa came up with a new strategy. “We will ask the people again and campaign that they do the right thing and vote to stay in the Eurokingdom”

And the Ides of March did come to haunt Mavis and force her to fall on her sword telling the people that it was all their fault and that her advisors and supporters would not do what was required.

So Magic Grandpa retreated into his bunker, feeding his invisible pink unicorn and counting the branches on his magic money tree while Mavis’ entourage fought amongst themselves to replace her. And two leaders did emerge, Sir Bojo and Huntmeister Jeremy. They would tell the Eurocrats to go fuck themselves, but would they be allowed to do so? And which would succeed her? Time would soon tell.

Meanwhile Mavis was bitter and angry and plotted ways to confound her challengers using Project Smear to discredit them. And the people did grow angrier and angrier while Sir Nigel grew happier and happier at their disarray…

(…to be continued)


The Mass Debate

Just finished watching the Brussels Broadcasting Corporation tory leadership debate which, I have to say went pretty much as I expected.

Faced with the usual leftie political bias one has come to expect from Auntie, poor old Boris was pretty much sidelined by adjudicator Emily Maitless other than when he was asked about muslim letterboxes, journalists imprisoned in Iran or tax cuts for the rich, all famously misquoted, misrepresented and on the whole totally irrelevant to the question being asked.

Wisely, Boris kept quiet whilst the others engaged in squabbling and brawling amongst themselves. All credit to him, even more so since every time he tried to make a positive point, Maitless talked over him and cut him off.

It was also unsurprising that the man who got the most airtime and was allowed to rant away to his hearts content was the guy on the end of the row who bore a surprising resemblance to Woody out of Toy Story. “Vote for me. Altogether now – You’ve got a friend in me!!

A most inedifying spectacle which did nothing to inspire confidence in our politicians or the media.

Rory Stewart, Prime Minister. More of the same. Son of May, but more of an arsehole than a mouthpiece.

God help us…

A Tory loses the plot…

Who? Fair question. I’m talking about Paul Bristow, the Conservative candidate for the upcoming Peterborough bye election. So why has he lost the plot?

Well firstly, he’s obviously a bit deluded. After all, their last MP was a Labour jailbird and their candidate this time is a trades unionist, and he believes that he’s the only candidate that could possibly beat Labour. So he’s completely ignoring the Brexit Party in a heavily leave voting constituency.

Secondly, yesterday morning as an admittedly somewhat pissed off member of the Tory Party – after all they did throw me out of a constuency AGM for daring to criticise the sitting MP – I received an email from Bristow asking for my support. I thought this a little odd as I don’t live anywhere near Peterborough. He was begging for money. Click this link “to donate £5, £10, £25, any larger amount” so I felt honour bound to reply.

I replied “You have a nerve considering I live in xxx.
If you think it will be close, you’re deluded.
I won’t help because you’re going to get slaughtered by the Brexit Party for which frankly you can blame your esteemed leader in the Number 10 Fuhrer bunker .
No deal is better than a bad deal.”

That evening I got a system reply that the mailbox does not receive incoming messages. So in a staggering display of arrogance, I am being told that I am important enough to send him money whilst at the same time being told I am not important enough to be allowed to express my opinion.

A true example of democracy in action – and that’s why Paul Bristow is a twat…

The Brexit Blues

I’ve not done a video for a while so when my good mate Chas C produced this piece of music I thought “Why not?”

Problem is that there is so much content on the web ridiculing the entire protracted farce that it was difficult deciding what to leave out!

Mystic Mavis and the Magic Grandpa

Once upon a time in a country not so far away, there was a remarkable woman called Mystic Mavis who could read the minds of people and foresee the future.

And it came to pass that the people were unhappy and so the Mighty Camoron, leader of the people, went forth to King Junker of the Eurocrats saying “You are a great King but there is a great populist uprising against us. I will ask the people, for the people should have a vote on this important matter and they will see that we are safer, stronger and better off under your wise countenance.” And lo, the people did vote and said “Let us be free again!” and expelled Camoron from the Kingdom

And the people loved Mavis so much that they begged her to be their leader and free them from the rule of the evil EuroCrats who had tied them into penal servitude and suppressed the people for many years, for Mavis was strong and stable. So Mavis called a poll to give her great powers to deliver freedom the people desired

But Mavis’ powers had failed her, for she did not see the coming of the Magic Grandpa. For Magic Granda was able to pluck cash from a magic money tree and did make many promises to the people to buy their support.

And the people were stupid and did not know what they were voting for and Mavis did lose control and become weak and wobbly. And many deserted her council, being sceptic of her leadership and promises.

But Mavis worried not for she saw a great future ahead and produced a deal to free the people from their servitude. But Magic Grandpa could see that if he and his followers resisted then he could wrest power from Mavis and lead the people back to their servitude whilst blaming her for the failure.

And so it came to pass that the deal was rejected three times and Mavis sat down with Grandpa to produce a compromise. This infuriated all their followers but Mavis saw a chance to blame Grandpa for the failure and keep control over the people. For she had foreseen that great fears would grip the nation, pestilence and disasters would befall them if they left the cradle of the EuroCrats. She must get her deal approved at all costs!

And as time passed, the people did get become increasing unrestful and did rise up against Mavis and Grandpa, ejecting their officials from office all across the land.

And from the chaos and confusion a new leader did emerge – Sir Nigel of Widdecombe – and he did annunciate that the people must be freed from treachery and despotism.

And Mavis and Grandpa did tremble!

( to be continued… )