Why I voted Leave…


Some people think I’m thick. Some people think I don’t know what I’m doing (possibly true some of the time), but what really annoys me is that people say I don’t know what I was voting for in the EU referendum…

So what was it I voted for? Was it the the end of free movement? Exiting the single market and customs union? Was it an end to the jurisdiction of the ECJ or foreigners making our laws? Was it keeping more money for ourselves instead of giving it to a load of unelected bureaucrats who might then deign to grant us the crumbs from their corrupt and corpulent tables that we paid for in the first place??

Well, all of those things of course. But they’re not the main reason. The main reason is…

I WANT MY FUCKING UK TOILET BACK!

Yes, I really am that shallow. We were forced to take these useless continental cisterns with the push buttons on because “they use less water so they’re better for the environment”. Well, are they fuck!?!

The UK syphon cistern can’t leak. These Eurotwat things leak continually. Also how many times do you have to flush the bloody things? I’ve never managed to get rid of that final elusive piece of toilet paper or lingering floater yet without using the full flush (forget the useless short flush) at least twice. Sometimes three times.

So please don’t tell me they use less water. They’re bloody useless. Nearly as bad as those oil damped toilet seats I have to hold up with my knee every time I take a piss. Cock choppers, I call ’em. Don’t get me started.

No. To me, the ultimate symbol of EU dictatorship is the button flushing toilet cistern. And it’s symbolic too – because just like the EU, it’s full of shit that you just can’t get rid of…

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4 responses to “Why I voted Leave…

  1. When my coffee machine packed in and I bought a new one, it only kept the coffee hot for 20 minutes due to EU regulations. I can’t drink an entire fucking pot of coffee in 20 minutes
    That one went in the bin and I had to buy an older, discontinued stock model from ebay. I can now keep my coffee hot for 2 hours again
    That’s why I voted leave. And all the other stuff you said

  2. Mr D, why not buy a large property so you can shit el fresco in the field. I’m often found crapping next to the Alpacas.

  3. I am plesead to here some one else hates these things. It would take 2 flushes on full to get rid of rabbit shit.

  4. Grumbler of KIlljoys

    Number one on my hitlist for my new hoose. British toilet, please.

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