Deaf, blind and stupid


It comes to us all doesn’t it? Old age. Second childhood. Senile decline. Death. You know? All that happy stuff…

My regular couple of readers might have noticed that I’ve not posted much lately. One of them might have wondered why. Well, to be honest I’ve had other things on my mind and, frankly, I probably forgot. Things at Chateau D are not all that bright and beautiful at the moment.

It started slowly. Mrs D was wondering if I was ignoring her – always a rather risky thing to do – but I wasn’t. I just didn’t always hear her or catch what she said. So she nagged on about getting a hearing test. Being an obstinate old bastard, I resisted as long as I could then gave in. Off I toddled to Boots for a free test. They said come back for a second one. Then tried to convince me to spend £2,500 on a set of hearing aids. Bugger that, thought I so on the advise of a friend I asked my GP to refer me to the local hospital. Apart from anything else, I wanted a second opinion from somebody who didn’t have a vested interest in selling me the damned things.

Anyway, to cut a short story long I am now the proud owner of a shiny new pair of NHS hearing aids. Just like the ones in Boots, but £2,500 cheaper and with free ongoing maintenance and batteries. I can hear a lot better, but this is not always a good thing!

Then yesterday I went to the opticians for my annual check up. She confirmed that the cataract in my right eye is progressing – thankfully slowly – but that I now have one in my left eye as well. So we’ve tackled the hearing, but the sight is an ongoing problem. Marvellous.

But am I worried about all this? Well, I am in my lucid moments. This morning I tried to put toothpaste on the shaver. Then I tried to put toothpaste on the electric toothbrush without putting the head on it first. It doesn’t work too well like that. When I did remember the head, I put my wife’s pink one on instead of my blue one. So far today has not been going well…

So deaf, blind and gaga. Not a great prospect is it? Even less of a great prospect for Mrs D as she’s the poor sod who is having to put up with my somewhat erratic behaviour.

At least now I can hear her complaining about it – when I remember to put the hearing aids in, of course – and for now I can see when she throws things at me (only joking, darling!). Hopefully it’ll be a goodly while before I’m too far gone to notice or care, and to be honest I worry more about what all this is doing to her rather than to me.

Old age and decline is a bastard. I wouldn’t mind but I’m only bloody 66…

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10 responses to “Deaf, blind and stupid

  1. Look on the bright side Dioclese – at least yer tadger rises to the occasion according to Mrs D.

    I’m 60 in June. Hearing in port ear went long ago, Starboard tundish isn’t too clever, but like you, I’m an obstinate git and won’t get a hearing aid so that I can annoy people. There is no Mrs R, thank God, and isn’t likely to be either, the cost/benefits analysis are dire, so I don’t have that to worry about. That’s the great thing about being an old git, you can get away with the most outrageous behaviour because frankly I couldn’t give a rat’s arse what anybody thinks about me. No doubt dementia will get me in the end, that’s if the liver holds up.

    Toodle Pip old chap

    • Actually, having had them a week now, I recommend hearing aids. They make a huge difference but they reckon it can take 10-12 weeks for the brain to adjust to them. You hear with your brain not your ears apparently…

      • “You hear with your brain not your ears apparently…”

        Well, that’s me f*cked then isn’t it

        Actually I’ve had an hearing aid for about 5 years, but can’t be arsed. I get by with what I’ve got . .

  2. Doxon of Dick Green

    I remember when this was all fields

  3. Well, I’m ten years younger than you and already things are dropping off or falling south. Eyesight and hearing are obviously next on the agenda. I’ve been such a regular to my local hospital, I’m thinking of taking out shares in the place. Or perhaps the car park, since they charge so much, they’re obviously raking it in. Sandwiches are nice though, in the work’s canteen!

    :o)

  4. You poor old sod, Mr D. As you are aware, I’ m a perfectly formed specimen. Women swoon at my countenance and grown men shout: ‘Surely, he is more god than man’. Arse.

  5. What I really miss is my sense of smell! Everything, which I can see or hear none too clearly, is not quite real without the scent of it! I was a fair cook but there’s no reward in it anymore.

  6. Doxon of Dick Green

    All downhill I’m afraid. From about 15. Aching joints, forgetting what you came into a room for, Grunting as you rise or sit, voting Brexit.. Doomed, we’re all doomed.
    By the way, I like the selfie, Dio.

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