That Brussels dinner…


Proving that John Redwood really does have a sense of humour, I reproduce this from his website. It really does say it all about the EU’s attitude and makes some good points…

Prime Minister
It is a pleasure to be here with you today for dinner. I come to renew my friendly proposals about our future relationship. The UK wants a comprehensive and deep partnership with the EU. We will offer you tariff free access to our market with no new barriers. We will continue our substantial contribution to European security and intelligence. We will carry forward joint working on space , science, academic life and much else. We will continue our welcome for all EU citizens legally settled in the UK

Mr Juncker
Thank you for coming. I do hope you have brought your cheque book. You must understand that we cannot keep on meeting like this unless the UK pays the bills for the dinners and much else. The EU is getting cross with the UK for not being realistic, so I hope this evening we can make some progress on the divorce settlement.

Prime Minister
As I have made clear the UK will pay anything it owes, but you have to understand UK Ministers do not have powers to send money to the EU after we have left. We need to look at all the issues together including our future relationship.

Mr Juncker
I don’t think you understand. The UK has signed up to a soup course for future meals which is going to cost billions of pounds. Doubtless you want coffee, which does not come cheaply either. I have explained before to you that we decided to order drinks right through to the next decade, so that will be another big bill. The UK cant expect to get away without paying

Prime Minister
I can do without the soup course, and coffee late in the evening keeps me awake at night. In the UK we accept we have to pay all the time we remain in the EU but not after we have left. You should cancel the drinks for us for when we have gone and save some of your cash. As to this dinner I thought you had invited me, and I have had the cost and inconveneience of coming to you here in Brussels.

Mr Juncker
You British are so unreasonable. You cant just walk out and leave us short of cash. There is a big bill to pay.

Prime Minister
So how much is the bill, and what is the legal base for the items you want to charge

Mr Juncker
There’s no need to get legal with us. We want you to make a realistic offer. Its all about European solidarity, about setting the right tone for our future relationship. We dont have an itemised bill backed by a legal base.

Prime Minister
When we joined the EEC we did not get a discount or a payment to deal with all the spending commitments the others had decided on before we joined, so why would there be any bill for future spending after we left?

Mr Juncker
You agreed then to join on the terms available. That is different.

Prime Minister
Are you also saying that if a country left the EU now that gets money out, the EU would go on paying it after it had left?

Mr Juncker
There’s no point in getting clever wth the EU. The rest of the EU expects you to pay a large sum. I do hope you understand we cannot possibly talk about trade any time soon given the UKs stubborness.

Prime Minister
That is a pity, as it hugely in the EUs interest to have continued tariff free access to the UK market. We have to go ahead and plan for WTO tariffs on EU food and goods without sensible discussions.

Mr Juncker
The EU has other priorities.

Prime Minister
So the EU does not care about all its exporters to the UK?

Mr Juncker
The impact on the EU is containable

Prime Minister
May I suggest we talk about something else, like Iran, where we may agree and put out a statement on that?

Mr Juncker
That’s the best we can do

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5 responses to “That Brussels dinner…

  1. mikesplaceweb

    Hey Dioclese, what’s going on at ISAC? All my comments are stuck in permanent moderation. Am I banned?

    • No, not banned! Not at all! For some reason your comments always seem to go to moderation. Not sure why but from memory you’ve had this problem ever since you set up you own site?
      I’ll pass a comment on to the moderators to keep an eye on the ‘Pending’ comments box. Between three of them they should be able to cope with it if I used to do it on my own.
      I had a bit of a moan on the site yesterday that there hadn’t been a post for a couple of days. Probably didn’t go down too well 😉

  2. Am I the only one who thinks that the EU is behaving like a partner in an abusive relationship?