Victims of our own success

A Smalltown Man post…

Ominous news this week to all of us who live in Smalltown and are so lucky to live here. It seems that according to the “Smalltown Free Press” (available weekly for only £1.50 from your independent local paper shop) we’re in danger of becoming a victim of our own success! Oh dear! What could possibly be wrong in this picture perfect jewel in the English crown?

Well, it seems young people are being priced out of the housing market because everybody wants to live here and it’s forcing up the prices. The Press says we’re in danger of becoming a London dormitory town. Kings Cross is, after all, only two hours away on the chugger line making your door to door commute to work a doddle at about 5 hours a day! How easy is that after all?

Because of this, we need more affordable housing so that single young people can have their very own three bedroom detached starter home. None of this nonsense of pooling resources with a partner, foregoing eating out and going down the pub with our mates, saving up for a deposit and settling for a one bedroom flat in a cheaper part of town like their parents and grandparents had to! Blimey! How twen-cen is that?

The increase in house prices has, of course, nothing to do with the lack of availability of housing because buy to let landlords are cashing in on the rental market. Nor is it due to the two adjacent USAF bases whose personnel are snapping up the local housing and paying through the nose with the mighty dollar. Oh no! Nothing to with that at all!

After all, the Americans are an enormous boost to our local economy! Well, certainly if you’re a buy to let landlord anyway.

God bless the United States of America! We’re so lucky not to live there…

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5 responses to “Victims of our own success

  1. Of course the shortage of housing has nothing whatsoever to do with letting around 250,000 extra people into the country every single year. They all have to live somewhere and building 100,000 houses a year on an existing deficit is not going to crack it.
    Multi-occupancy is a huge issue around here, many houses with six or seven adults in them all using local services but the property only generates one council tax. Of course everyone has a car, there are cars everywhere, parked up on pavements both sides, on grass verges often leaving only a single cars width down the centre of the street. It’s quicker to get around on a bike.

    • Here in Smalltown we’re a bit like Nutbush. I remember when we moved here 11 years back and they were still building in this street, the foreman came up to me one day talking about the people who just bought one of the new houses.
      In hushed tones he whispered “They’re black, you know!”

      Regarding multi-occupancy, I personally never had any problem with the Poll Tax…

  2. As a militant young idealist I protested against the poll tax. My dear old departed father called me a few choice names and gave me a very swift re-brief over the situation. Then low and behold just 18 months later I received my very own rates/council tax bill for my one bed flat and thought “fuck me!” cant we have the poll tax back. The flat next door had over half a dozen waiters from the local restaurant in it and they paid the same as me.The only fly in a poll tax ointment is that you have to be legal/on the radar to pay it. Either way law abiding tax payers get shafted by one system or another.

  3. NZ has a housing crisis. Rents are high and young folk can’t get a step on the ladder. Of course, the government in waiting, the NZ labour party, say if they get in next week they will solve the problem with a wave of a magic wand. Good luck with that, I say. Great sounding rhetoric, I’m sure. Complex problems solved with a few words. What a wonderful time we live in.

    • Hey Saxon. Plus don’t forget she’s going to solve Auckland gridlock, give every beneficiary double their current handout etc etc. I see king-sized tax increases on the horizon.