How to lose an election…


It’s quite clear that you lot just can’t be trusted to behave while I’m away. I mean, I go off to Namibia for a little cavort in the Kalahari and an election is announced. I pop off for a couple of weeks to Corsica, and come back to find the government completely fucked up. I can’t turn my back for a minute…

Had I been here, this is what I would have advised our illustrious Iron Lady wannabe :

(1) In general elections no governing party should expect themselves to be popular. Somebody has to make decisions in government and what ever they might be, they’re never going to be popular. You’re going to get less votes.

(2) If you’re in power and losing 6 seats is going to cost you your majority, refer to rule one above and don’t bloody well call an election.

(3) Never have an election thinking you can stick to one issue. It ain’t going to happen. William Hague tried it and got hammered. Learn from history.

(4) Don’t put policies in your manifesto that are going to alienate your core vote especially if you then fail to properly think them through and get them across plainly and unequivocably. “Dementia Tax” might have been bollocks, but that’s how it came across.

(5) The UK isn’t America. We don’t elect Prime Ministers like they elect a President. Maybe we should but that’s not the issue. You cannot conduct a Presidential Campaign in a UK General Election – especially if you’ve had an empathy transplant.

(6) Project Fear doesn’t work. Demonising the other side ad nauseum will turn voters against you. The Brits love an underdog so don’t give them one

(7) We’re in the 21st century. If you don’t use social media then you’ll lose. Get yourself some geeks who understand it – like Labour did!

(8) Elections are fought and won on the economy. Labour brought out the magical money tree. You rolled out the soundbite and failed to rip their manifesto to pieces. You then compounded that by failing to produce a clear credible manifesto, fully costed, and economically sound. You have to have a costed and credible economic policy

(9) Don’t duck debates especially if you’re in power. You have to defend your policies or people will assume you can’t. But more importantly, if you decide that the Party won’t attend a debate, don’t send a substitute. Go yourself or stay away!

Now I know that the tories increased their share of the vote by around 5% but the fact is that Labour increased their’s by 10% – so you lost. As a result the country is in for months of not years of social unrest, strikes, disruption, protest marches and the rest. As I predicted a couple of years back, Corbyn is unelectable so the left will do what they’ve always done and try to bring down the elected government by taking it to the streets.

And the tragedy of all this is that there was no need to call the bloody election in the first place…!

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3 responses to “How to lose an election…

  1. Yes, you’re quite right. Lots of conspiracy theories being touted as to why May called an election when she didn’t really have to….

    :o)

    • Yeah – as I said in my earlier post “Words fail me” – possibly the most incompetent election campaign I can remember. I am seriously concerned as to what will happen next…

  2. Well at least she created a new word.

    Maybot.

    A combination of May and robot (as in repeating the same thing, like strong and stable).