93 Men in a Boat (68) – The Professional Whinger

There’s one on every trip. You know the type. The sort of people who book into a hotel room, put white gloves on and then go round looking for dust just so they can write a shitty review on TripAdvisor.

I once met one in St Lucia who wrote three letters after every holiday – one each to the tour company, the hotel and the airline. He reckoned it wad usually good for £100 off each of them. Well frankly life’s too short isn’t it?

On this trip we got a couple who’s pure reason d’être is to find fault. They’re relentless and have been at of all week. This particular night we’re in the bar after lunch and they’re moaning at the cruise director. The room isn’t being cleaned quickly enough, or to a high enough standard. There’s some dirt on the bathroom tiles. The drawers don’t fit properly (despite the fact the ship’s just had a 20 million quid refit) and – the best one I’ve ever heard – the gap under the bathroom door is too big! FFS!

The CD points out that if these things are not reported to the reception or the hotel manager then they can hardly be expected to address their concerns, but apparently if the ship is being run properly then it should not be necessary to report these things!

Apparently he will be writing a two page letter of complaint which I am confident will be treated with the contempt that it richly deserves!

Then they start about the itinerary and the ‘unacceptable deviations’. I can remain silent no longer. “Flexibility is the key to cruises such as this!” I point out. “Well I won’t be using this company again” he bellows.

“Pleased to hear it,” I reply. “At least I won’t be subjected to your incessant petty bitching!”

We’ve not spoken again since, but I seem to have made a friend of the cruise director…


4 responses to “93 Men in a Boat (68) – The Professional Whinger

  1. One of the reasons why I left cruise lines after 15 years service on 5 & 6 star ships. The incessant moaning and lack of common sense of Americans. Reputedly, only the top 20% of Yanks have a passport. Ye gods.

    • Know what you mean. These guys were Brits on a Noble Cal ship with 100 passengers. Makes them somewhat more dominant and I’m guessing they liked the attention.

      98 of us thought they were a pain in the arse…

  2. We once shared a hotel table with a couple who complained that we’d been given a hard-boiled egg in the picnic prepared by the hotel when they hadn’t. They asked us when we were leaving if we’d take postcards they’d bought and post them in the UK because it was cheaper. For the entire week we were there the same bottle of wine was produced from the kitchen, they would pour a small glass each (No, of course they didn’t offer us any), the bottle would be marked and taken back to the kitchen. I’ve always harboured the hope that the kitchen staff swigged from it and topped it up to The Mark with something unpleasant..

  3. Moaning bastards should be doused in petrol and set alight so they can dance. Dance and writhe for me, miserable cunts…