There’s one on every trip. You know the type. The sort of people who book into a hotel room, put white gloves on and then go round looking for dust just so they can write a shitty review on TripAdvisor.
I once met one in St Lucia who wrote three letters after every holiday – one each to the tour company, the hotel and the airline. He reckoned it wad usually good for £100 off each of them. Well frankly life’s too short isn’t it?
On this trip we got a couple who’s pure reason d’être is to find fault. They’re relentless and have been at of all week. This particular night we’re in the bar after lunch and they’re moaning at the cruise director. The room isn’t being cleaned quickly enough, or to a high enough standard. There’s some dirt on the bathroom tiles. The drawers don’t fit properly (despite the fact the ship’s just had a 20 million quid refit) and – the best one I’ve ever heard – the gap under the bathroom door is too big! FFS!
The CD points out that if these things are not reported to the reception or the hotel manager then they can hardly be expected to address their concerns, but apparently if the ship is being run properly then it should not be necessary to report these things!
Apparently he will be writing a two page letter of complaint which I am confident will be treated with the contempt that it richly deserves!
Then they start about the itinerary and the ‘unacceptable deviations’. I can remain silent no longer. “Flexibility is the key to cruises such as this!” I point out. “Well I won’t be using this company again” he bellows.
“Pleased to hear it,” I reply. “At least I won’t be subjected to your incessant petty bitching!”
We’ve not spoken again since, but I seem to have made a friend of the cruise director…