93 Men in a Boat [67] : The Quizmaster

p01lcgf2Dinner is always a bit of a lottery on a ship with open seating. One is never quite sure what one will end up with.

This particular evening we were landed with what on the face of it might have been considered a sweet little old lady. Shame she wasn’t really…

We exchange names. Strangely, she insists on calling me Ron although it’s not actually my name. She asks where I live and proceeds to ask whereabouts in Scotland that is even though I live in the east of England. Oh dear! This going to a good night.

It would seem that our little old lady is a bit of a nosey old biddy. We have acquired the quizmaster, the queen of the never ending interrogation. It’s like being on Mastermind and still getting points even when you get all the answers wrong!

But at least I’ve worked out the problem. Seems the old dear is as deaf as a post, so I might as well have a bit of fun. “What do you do for as living?” “Actually I work for the CIA” “How fascinating!” she replies. “Have you been doing that for long?” “Yes. Actually I was one of the team that assassinated President Kennedy.” “Oh that must have been so much fun!” “Absolutely, I really love killing people. It’s very rewarding in many ways.” “And have you been to Africa before?” “Yes. In fact I was involved in a black ops team that murdered Gaddhafi and I done lots of freelance killings for President Assad. I’m very much in demand in Syria at the moment…”

So after an evening of the most outrageous bullshit we finally retire. “It’s been most enjoyable killing time with you” says she, leaving me wondering whether the turn of phrase means the artful old bugger is not quite so deaf after all…

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4 responses to “93 Men in a Boat [67] : The Quizmaster

  1. Always watch the old ones. The are far more crafty and clever than many people give them credit for. Age, cunning and guile always beat youth, speed and skill,

  2. To find out if the person really is deaf, or just feigning it, say in a fairly quiet voice, “Is that your fiver on the floor?”