New EU sex line opens…

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As the EU Neverendum campaign formally starts, news today that former party leaders – and one soon to be former party leader – have buried their cross party differences to open a new EU wide sex chat line…

Under the inspiring leadership of ‘Dodgy Dave’ Cameron, the three directors can be seen above welcoming new subscribers. Former Lib Dem leader ‘Pantsdown Paddy’ Ashdown and former Labour leader Neil ‘Kinnochio’ Kinnock are clearly enjoying the launch of this new enterprise.

‘Dodgy’ commented “We’re really pleased to be bringing this new business to the people of Europe. It’s essential that in these times of economic uncertainty and mass migration that people can have a nice chat with someone who really understands how important it is to think about something else for a change!”

‘Pantsdown’ added “I been away from the action for quite a while so it’s nice to get back into the swing, if you catch my drift. Nod, nod, wink wink…”

‘Kinnochio’ pointed out how important it was that the open market made such enterprises possible. “We need to bring peoples’ attention to the importance to maintaining the open European market. Without it my entire family would be out of a job” he said.

We asked Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn how he felt about this new enterprise. “I was against it” he said, ” but now I see just how wrong I was especially when the Union leaders and my MPs pointed out the error of my ways. I now see just how important it is for workers’ right that we embrace all that Europe has to offer – especially my workers right because I just can’t see myself being happy on the dole queue.”

We asked the Lib Dems for a comment, but they’re a bit thin on the ground these days and we couldn’t find anyone to ask.

Boris Johnson commented “I wish them well, but to be honest I think they’re seriously deluded. I’ll give them two months at the most, and then we’ll see how they get on!”

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