It’s lunchtime and time to pop down to the dining room to see who we can annoy today!
So we plonk ourselves down on an empty table for six and wait to see who turns up. Sometimes we’re lucky and sometimes we’re not but it’s always interesting! Today we get a couple of old farts who seem to be barely alive and the merry widow. They studiously ignore us, even placing the menu between us to make conversion impossible.
Then they start talking bollocks!
After the usual exchange of experiences about burying dead husbands, we move onto the subject of anthropomorphic global warming – a subject on which they are naturally world authorities! The poor old boy in the middle is so totally gaga that he just gives up and let’s them get on with it!
“It’s all down to people” spouts the first old biddy. Apparently we need to scrap nuclear power, live green and all go back to dark ages and then it will all be alright.
But apparently that’s all bollocks too! We can actually all save the world by going vegan because eating meat is immoral and factory farming is an abomination! Regrettably I now find it impossible to hold my tongue any longer! I tactfully point out to Mrs Vegan that she’s wearing leather shoes and if you’re going to kill an animal for its hide, then it would be even more immoral not to eat it!
I then point out to the other eco nut that if we scrapped all the pointless solar farms that don’t work at night and the wind farms that only work when the wind us not too little or too much and put all that money into fusion research, then we’d have solved the problem by now.
Naturally, this doesn’t go down too well!
“Never mind” says I, “at your age you’ll all be dead before it matters a shit!” and we promptly leave the table…