93 Men in a Boat [61] : The iDiners

So there we are, cruising merrily up the coast of Norway and it’s dinner time. We’re on a set seating arrangement tonight so once again I get to admire the antics of our American friends on the table across the aisle. The iDiners…

I know he’s American because every day for the past week he’s turned up to dinner wearing a baseball cap. Now I know it’s cold in the Arctic, but we are in a restaurant on a boat. Indoors. Perhaps he’s folically challenged? Perhaps he suffers from a cold head? Perhaps he’s just ignorant? But I digress..

Clearly he and his wife are very close and have a lot in common. In fact they have so much in common with each other that they both produce identical iPads and start surfing the web – no mean achievement on a boat in the middle of the ocean – totally ignoring each other throughout the entire course of the meal. Indeed, they even carry on surfing while they eat; but then Americans only eat with one hand. Why is that? Is it perhaps because they need the other one free to work their technology?

The next night they’re doing the same again but at least he’s wearing a different baseball cap (why would anyone need two?) and he’s looking rather resplendent in a bright orange body warmer. Nice! And tonight they been joined by another American couple.

How do I know they’re Americans too? Well, one of them is wearing a baseball cap and playing with his iPhone…


8 responses to “93 Men in a Boat [61] : The iDiners

  1. How rude and ignorant of them…

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  3. Perhaps the iYankees were using their technology to 'speak' to each other because they did not want to be overheard by the British eavesdropper at the table across the aisle?

    Wearing a hat to dinner in a restaurant is standard behaviour in North America. Not having one is considered 'weird'.

  4. In my 11years on cruise ships I had the theory that the one handed diner only used one half of their brain. This theory continued to be proven.

  5. “…….but then Americans only eat with one hand. Why is that? Is it perhaps because they need the other one free to work their technology?……”

    No, they always keep one hand free to hold their handgun.

  6. Actually this popular myth is untrue.

    It's a habit they inherited from the American Indians who eat with their right hand and wipe their arse with the left. The Arabs have the same tradition which is why they cut the right hand off a thief – making him an outcast because he brings the foul hand to the table.

    Not a lot of people know that…!

  7. I hope you sounded like that adorable rogue from Zulu, The Italian Job and Get Carter when you wrote that?

  8. You could ask innocently when the baseball game begins (and how many balls were lost at sea).
    Last time I was in 'mer-ca I had to ask for cutlery in most “restaurants” – not much demand for it apparently.