Mass suicides across Britain !

News today of mass suicides across Britain. “What could have caused this?” we ask.

Could it be the news of the destruction of Palmyra by IS, or maybe the threat by North Korean to engage in nuclear war, or even the thought that Jeremy Corbyn could become Leader of the Opposition? Maybe it’s some kind of mass religious cult thing?

Well, as it happens that last one’s not far off the truth. The cult of One Direction is to blame. The ‘band’ – so called although thy don’t actually play anything – have decided to take a year off. Not split up permanently mind you. Just take a break. Not the end of the world, you would think but apparently it is if you are a 1D fan. Various Twatter and Farcebook posts confirm the imminent death of their many fan who can’t live without them.

It leads me to reflect on my own tender youth and my generation. Where we really like this too or is it something new? I remember once attending a Stones concert in the Odeon, Plymouth – a venue which alone should tell you how long ago it was. I can honestly say I never heard a single note and my ears rang for three days from the girls’ screaming. Do they now do the same at 1D concerts? I don’t know because I’ve never been to one, but I can’t honestly imagine todays kids ripping up seats or dancing in the aisles or throwing their knickers onto the stage. Well, maybe that last one…

The Beatles, Stones, Kinks, Who and many others were real bands. Mates who went to school or college together, formed up and learnt their craft on the club and pub circuit. One Direction are different. They were manufactured by cynical manipulators and marketeers to cash in on the music business. Such ‘bands’ have a limited shelf life as they have nothing in common to keep them together other than the money machine. Can you hnestly se 1D headlining Glastonbury in 2046? I don’t blame them taking the money – good luck to them –  but it devalues music.

My favourite anecdote about this lot is when they tried to get into a London club and were refused entry by the doorman because they were underdressed. “We’re One Direction!” they bleated. The doorman simply pointed down the road and replied “One Direction? Yep – it’s that way.”

One Direction are dead. Long live the next One Direction…


5 responses to “Mass suicides across Britain !

  1. Come on Dioclese, if you didn't have so many holidays I'd say you needed to get out more. Aren't you even just a little embarrassed to admit that you know these toss-pots even exist? The only people who should be aware of them are pre-pubescent females (of all ages).

    Surely it matters nought whether or not the “band” is manufactured or not, little girls have always screamed and wet their knickers when faced by the latest “musical” phenomenon, be it Elvis Presley or this particular shower of shit (please don't tell me you can recite their names and birth signs).

    As for devaluing music, yes I agree, but it's been happening for a very long time now and I find it quite sad. However, as soon as wankers like Simon Cowell and dozens more like him realised the huge amounts of money to be made out of promoting talentless morons the flood gates were bound to open, and I'm afraid it's impossible to turn back the tide. it's no longer about the music, it's about the money.

  2. Unfortunately you'd have to live in a cave in Siberia not to know these cunts exist – especially when the 'news' of the 'split' is all over the BBC and Sky news channels and headlines in the papers!

    I don't have a problem with manufactured bands as such, but I don't expect them to last. There's no glue to hold them together.

    As for Cowell, he's the satan of the music business in my book. As my Mate Chas C said in one of his songs : “I wouldn't wanna be Simon Cowell – wouldn't mind the money but I wouldn't wanna be him”

    As you say, we can't turn back the tide…

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  4. I don't care if this current incarnation of teen hysteria break up, burn up or sink without trace. I have no idea of their music and could not recognise one anyway. I've managed up to now without knowing about them and reckon I can last a bit longer.
    (Edited to remove minor mistype)

  5. ''Long live the next One Direction'' ……………To be manufactured very shortly in our own living rooms with the impending new season, if you care to watch this crap, The X factor. Simon Cowell a master of PR