Shitipedia : T is for TSA Locks

The fight against terrorism is very important. No more so than when you’re getting on an aeroplane. Yes indeed – it might be a bit of a pain queuing up at the airport but it’s a better option than bits of you and your flying coffin dropping out of the sky and inconveniencing the people below….

The Americans take this particularly seriously. Well, after the twin towers you can see why but, in their usual hamfisted way, they haven’t thought it through properly.

The Transportation Security Administration x-rays all your bags before they’re loaded, but sometimes they need to look inside as well. That’s not unreasonable. But on the other hand it’s a bit of a bother if the case is locked. But then again if you don’t lock it, it’s another security risk. So they’ve come up with a really elegant solution.

You can buy a TSA Lock for your suitcase. This is really really secure because the TSA officials can use a universal key to open the lock and look inside your case and then just lock it up again. If they didn’t tell you, then you’d never know the case had been opened.

Naturally this is really, really secure because terrorists and drug smugglers would never ever be able to get hold of one of these keys.

So next time you’re lying into Thailand with a half kilo of heroin in your bag and are sentenced to death for smuggling it into the country, they’ll never accept your plea that it was shoved into your suitcase without your knowledge somewhere in the States because these TSA locks are just so, so secure it would be impossible.



3 responses to “Shitipedia : T is for TSA Locks

  1. It must be worth a try as a defence though.

    It wasn't there before and it was there at the other end, who had access after you left it at the terminal. The TSA. Mmmm. Bunch of crooks if ever there were.

    Although it sounds good it is unlikely don't they fly drugs the other way, to the US?

  2. Thanks for the heads up. I'm off to Thailand next week to sample the cultural delights. Sadly the missus is not going. Anyway, probably best to post the drugs- leaving them in your bags is just asking for trouble.

  3. Drew peacock

    Any case can be opened lock or not, by sticking a pencil in the zip and sliding it open. The locks then provide a handy way to recluse said case by running the zip closers around. Hey presto, no-one’s the wiser.