Oh fuck… it’s Wimbledon !

I used to like Wimbledon. Indeed, I have been known to frequent the North Open Stand on Court 1 – sadly no more – on more than one occasion. But the magic, along with the stand, is long gone!

I liked the old Court 1 because it was intimate and you could get close to the action. On one visit, I went with a friend of mine whose mother was once a player. She had Centre Court tickets and I’d never been on Centre Court, so we swapped round for an hour or so. I watched Virginia Wade in the quarter final the year she won it.

It was like so many modern sports venues. You go to a football match and all you see is some dots on a patch of green doing something – but you can’t tell what because the ball is so small you can’t even see it. Well, Centre Court is just like that. Two specks on a bit of green doing something. I was hugely disappointed and thought I’d got the better half of the deal where I was.

So they knocked down the old Court 1 and built a replica of the Centre Court cauldron. Pack ’em in. Count the money. Fuck the punters; not our problem!

And then there are the histrionics.  We never had those back then either. Oh sure, you could always rely on Illy Nastase or John MacEnroe to put on a bit of a show, but at least it was entertaining and in Nastase’s case usually highly amusing. They were characters and showmen giving the crowd a bit of extra for their money. That’s all gone too.

Now you get a load of bitching women wanting equal pay to the men for unequal matches. Grunting tarts without a volume control so you can’t even switch off the noise! Wingeing, whining little turds like Andy Murray throwing a wobbly every time they lose a point. In my day, they’d have been penalised but now the umpires, like so many other used-to-be authority figures, have little or no control over the proceedings.

And before it’s even started, the press are all complaining that Murray will have to beat Federer and Nadal to get to the final where he’ll likely play Djokovic. All because the seedings are oh-so-wrong and unfair to our native talent. Well boo-hoo for you, Murray, because in order to call yourself a true world champion, you have to be able to beat all comers so stop fucking moaning and just get on with it…

No, I’m afraid Wimbledon – like so many other great sporting events – is totally fucked. It’s become over commercialised, monetised, sanitized and over hyped. I sincerely hope that miserable little haggis shagger gets knocked out in the first round so we can at least stop carping on about him.

So you might have guessed that I won’t be going this year – especially as RBS haven’t invited me to their £135,000 tax payer funded junket..

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6 responses to “Oh fuck… it’s Wimbledon !

  1. Two people batting a ball across a net. Mind-numbingly tedious. Almost as tedious as twenty-two prima donnas poncing about after a bag of wind.

  2. I've never really liked tennis. The only time I got mildly interested was during the Borg years. when I was a kid my mother loved watching Wimbledon. In those days the “female” players all looked like bull-dykes to me.

    I used to quite like rugby union – when it was still the FIVE nations, and an amateur game. In the days when they didn't go off the pitch at half time, and when substitutions were only allowed if a doctor deemed a player unfit to continue. Today's players all seem to be fragile, pin-up poster, jessie boys. Same goes for footballers and cricketers.

    I once went to Twickenham to see the Scotland v England game when Bill Beaumont was playing in the very early eighties. I was so looking forward to it. I'd never been to a big sporting event before. It was the first and last time for me. I could hardly see the players. They were just tiny dots in the far distance. All the action was at the far end of the pitch for the whole game. I was freezing cold and busting for a piss. I quickly came to the conclusion that the only way to watch sport properly was on TV, in the comfort of my own home.

    Like all “sport” the big money took over, and inevitably ruined the game. These days, like you rightly say, all televised “sport” is over hyped, played by overpaid, whinging prima donnas and all highly commercialised, added to which the anti-social behaviour from large parts of the crowd.

    The best football match I ever watched was on the local sports field – absolutely hilarious. The sideline antics were priceless. For example – “how come Hashim's playing and you're not Malc?” – “Well Hashim's always got his dick half way up Harold's arse ain't he”.

  3. I find it boring

  4. “Sport???”

    A show put on by queers for queers involving a lot of people in shorts playing with their balls.

    Fucking CRAP, all of it.

    Motor sport?

    Those that can not find their balls in the first place.

  5. Coming from (close to) the West Midlands, I prefer to play squash.

    At least, I did until Plod confiscated my steam-roller…

  6. I too have frequented Wimbledon in the past. My step father was a keen tennis player in his youth.
    I loved going but it's not anything like I remember, it's sterile. bland and lacks any character, every player has an entourage of 50 including dieticians and statisticians. I was watching a little of the highlights and there was some italian playing some English man grunting away like he needed a good shit, if I find it off putting what did his opponent find it. I believe this grunting has become a distraction tactic. It's just another thing that is no longer worth anything and has little to do with real talent and more to do with how much money you can A/ throw at it in the case of the players and B/ how much money you can coin in from it. The real joy of wimbledon is long gone. Unless you are rich or famous you wont ever get a centre court ticket ad proved by the swathes of empty seats round centre court yesterday.