We’ve all met one, haven’t we? The proud grandmother who just can’t wait to tell you all about how wonderful her grandchildren are. Now you might these these people are mightily boring, but clever people like her who talk loudly in restaurants will tell you different!
There we are having dinner, sat at a nice table for two by the window when off she goes. Why would that bother us when we are sat on our own? Well, she might be three tables away but she’s got an audience of 7 other people sitting with her and she does want any of them to miss any of the details, so naturally all the rest of us have to listen as well.
She’s got three grandchildren and they’re all wonderful. They’ve all been to Oxbridge and they’ve all got firsts. One in history, one in geography and one in the Arts. Wowza! And what did they do with those wonderful degrees, we all wonder? Well one is a social worker and the other two are chartered accountants! On hearing the latter, I nearly choke on my coffee from being unable to suppress a laugh – basically because I’m used to be an accountant before I retired. And I only have ‘O’ levels to my name…
Of course all her grandkids have wonderful families. They’re all perfect and their children are angelic. Oh heaven!
Afterwards in the bar she regales me with the same story. I stop her short because I’ve already heard it in the restaurant. She looks me up and down and asks me what my grandchildren do for a living. Unfortunately she’s assumed that I’m not really that young, I’m just backdated.
“Oh,” I reply. “My grandchildren don’t work.”
“Well you must be pretty wealthy then if that’s the case!” comes the retort.
“Not at all” says I. “They’re four and seven” and it’s her turn to choke on her coffee…