I wanna tell you a story…
Once upon a time there was a blogger called ‘Small Town Man’ who was a mate of mine. Small Town Man wanted to write a blog, so I set it up for him but then he got attacked by some people who frequent another blog that champions free speech but where I’m not allowed to comment – you know who you are.
So Small Town Man quit blogging. Which was a shame. Such a shame that I’m going to carry on the tradition over here – and here’s a story that he’d have loved…
News this week from Smalltown, Hertfordshire that’s there’s a bit of a ding dong going on in the sleepy little village of Ashwell. Seems the poor old church at Ashwell has had a bit of a hard time and needed some repairs, so they were forced to shut the church bells down for 16 months while repairs were carried out. Oh, how silence rained supreme over the village! But we can’t have that, can we?
So they turned the bells back on and a right ding-a-ling broke out because they were going 24 hours a day and pissing off people who quite liked to sleep at night. How very uncommunity minded of them!
Complaints were made to the
Ashwell National Front council who felt honour bound to investigate. Apparently the bells constitute a health hazard due to ‘sleep disturbance’, so it was suggested that they be turned off between 11pm and 7am which, you might think, was a reasonable compromise – but then you don’t live in Smalltown!
Gestapo villagers were having none of it. “They’re a part of village life, and if people don’t like the bells then they shouldn’t come and live here. They’re welcome to move elsewhere!” Another suggested that it was all because of “these bloody incomers”.
The fact is, of course, that is there’s one thing Smalltown people don’t like then it’s change. Any change. It’s been suggested that the bells be quietened and there are men from Elf and Safety running around with decibel metres checking they don’t exceed the permitted levels. One villager said “It’s bloody silly! They should just bugger off and let us get on with it!”
Oh dear! However as a bit of light relief, I suggest the people of Ashwell remember that classic performance of Arthur Mullard portraying Quasimodo…
“The bells! The bells! Those bleedin’ bells is gettin’ on my wick!”