Reasons to vote for…

Tomorrow is the big day. At-fucking-last !!!! So here is the Dioclese guide to who you should vote for in the biggest cuntfest in modern political history…

  • SNP : Because I’m Scottish and I hate the fookin’ English, especially fookin’ Tooory bastards.
  • Plaid Cymru : Because I’m Welsh isn’t it? And I hate the fucking English, look you bach? And Leane Woods has nice tits.
  • Lib Dem : Because I’m a masochist and I hate the fucking Tories and the fucking Labour lefties. In fact I’ll hate anyone if it gets me elected.
  • Conservative : Because I hate the fucking Labour Party and we’ve voted Tory for six generations
  • Labour : Because I hate the fucking Tories and we’ve voted Labour for six generations
  • UKIP : Because I hate the fucking EU
  • Greens : Because everyone should eat their Greens. Greens help you shit yourself more easily
  • Communist Party :  Because at least their policies have been consistent for the last century
  • Socialist Labour : Because Arthur Scargill deserves another chance at fucking up the country
  • Monster Raving Looney : Because they have the most sensible and believable policies

In fact, anyone who can put a fag paper between a bunch of clowns making up policy on a day to day basis is a fucking genius. But if you don’t vote, then don’t complain about it afterwards. At least get off your arse and write ‘No suitable candidate’ across the ballot paper! Put up or shut up…

All I know for sure is that if Miliband gets in – on his own or with the help of the SNP – then this country is well and truly fucked because Ed Balls will make sure of it.

And lest we forget…


11 responses to “Reasons to vote for…

  1. I was under the distinct impression that for many months past you had been stating that you were going to vote UKIP. Now you seem to be advising us to spoil our ballot papers. For God's sake make your mind up – you're starting to sound like a bloody politician LOL.

    Going down your list my first choice by a large margin is still UKIP, second the Conservatives and third the Communist's, like you say – at least they've been consistent.

    I Haven't had a TV licence for several years and don't bother with the idiot box, so I won't be tuning in to watch events unfold. Does that prize prat Jon Snow still prance about with his make believe House of Commons based on one or two early results? I guess they still have representatives from the all the parties in the studio claiming that the results are good for them in spite of the actual figures. All no doubt overseen by of one or other of the nepotistic Dimbleby clan, trying and failing to hide their distress if Labour doesn't do well – I clearly remember the look of anguish on their faces in 1992, and smug satisfaction in 1997 – bias in the BBC surely not?

    Roll on Friday when the fun really begins – or not, as the case may be.

  2. I voted UKIP by post over a week ago. I haven't changed my mind but I thought I'd try and be unbiased!

    What I've always said is that voting should be compulsory with a 'no suitable candidate' box. In the absence of NSC, spoil the ballot by writing that across it but at least get off your fat arse and exercise your democratic right to vote. If you don't vote or write 'nsc' then you've no right to complain afterwards.

    My old mate Dave Sutch said he started the OMRLP to represent 'did note vote' and that every election he stood in, 'did not vote' would have won. Perhaps we should start the 'No Suitable Candidate Party'? Now there's a thought!..

  3. And if like me you hate everyone? what should I do 😉

  4. Ps. I will be voting tomorrow an my vote will be UKIP, It won't make any difference around here the Labour MP is incumbent and extremely unlikely to be ousted by anyone. His majority at last election was 8,138. That said however I can't in all good conscience revert to family type and vote conservative because they are Labour under a blue banner only slightly better with the economy but just as crap on every other level. This is my time to protest and UKIP is my protest of choice.

  5. Ditto:- although I'm in one of the safest Tory constituencies, and our MP is actually a very good constituency MP – but I can't live with his 'Dear Leader' any more. Shame.

  6. Same here, the sitting tory is a decent stick, but despite his genuine anti EU stance he still has to do as he's bloody told and vote as Cast Iron Dave wants.
    Have to vote on principle, so no voting for the least worse of the likely two.

    I stopped voting tory around the time of the pit closures, never voted labour and that bastard Lucifer Blair has made sure even if i lose me bloody marbles in me dotage i'll never lower meself to vote for them.

    The last few weeks of Cameron throwing bones from the magic money tree for people to hopefully chase after has forever finished any hopes of the return of an honourable straight talking conservative party, it's been pitiful to watch…do they really think that genuine British people can be bought, as they so obviously can?.

    'er indoors and mesen voted for UKIP in the euros and we'll be doing the same tomorrow, and unless Farage et all suddenly become the other bastards, thats where our support will stay for our remaining years.



  7. Well this could be encouraging.

  8. Hear hear and amen Judd.

  9. rapscallion

    The constituency in which I live is Meon Valley. True Blue, even the donkey wearing the blue rosette votes blue. So voting UKIP (as I will) is a waste of my time and effort, but I'm going to do it anyway because it's my way of saying “F**k You” I'm also doing because it still counts, it raises the overall number of votes cast for UKIP, and hopefully some may see that when UKIP come 2nd that there is a chance after all. The more 2nd places UKIP get, the better, Better still would be loads of 1st place, but lets keep a grip on reality here. I think the MSM have deliberately understated UKIP's percentage of the intended vote, because a) they want others to think that voting for UKIP is wasted, and secondly because they're doing their masters bidding. Never have I seen a GE that has had the Establishment gang up, abuse, traduce and smear one small party so often and with such venom. The bastards are scared, and you know, they've got every right to be scared.

  10. As somebody said to me the other day, the safe seat will always continue to be a safe seat while the majorities are so high – so we need to vote to get them down a bit at a time until they're no longer safe at all…

    Incidentally, just watched tonight's Newzoids. Fucking brilliant! Took the piss out of all of them. Well done ITV. You wouldn't get that on the Beeb!

    Mind you, after tomorrow the politicians can all get back to taking the piss out of us!

  11. You said it all there rapscallion. I'm in the same boat as you. My constituency is a pretty safe Tory seat, but I'm voting UKIP for much the same reason as you. I know quite a few people with postal votes and most of them claim to have voted UKIP as well. I agree that the MSM have delibrately talked down the level of support for UKIP – I hope a few folk are in for a bit of a surprise when the votes are counted.