Which one’s the dummy?

The ‘Two Eds’ double act has been in full swing over the last few days. Anyone would think there’s an election or something..

After the overhyped and extremely boring leaders’ debacle last week, it was revealed that Ed M was working from a scripted set of responses and statements prepared for him by Obama’s former spin doctor on the basis of ‘if it worked for Obama, then it’ll work for me.” You might have noticed that Ed never answered any question he was asked. Hell, no! Here’s an excerpt from his notes :

  • ‘Happy warrior’
  • ‘Calm. Never agitated’
  • ‘Negative -> positive’
  • ‘Relish the chance to show who I am’
  • ‘Don’t let them know I’m a cunt’

OK I made that last one up, but you get the idea. I admit I have serious reservations about a PM who needs to remind himself what to be or or how to act from somebody else’s script.

But what about the other Ed – Ed ‘talking’ Balls? Well, he’s been on the offensive over tax. Apparently he’s pressing the Tories to promise not to reduce the top rate of tax and refusing to accept it when they say they’ve no plans to do so. Also he’s adamant that the ‘working man’ – whoever that might be these days – is £1,100 worse off since 2010 despite the fact that according to all the figures they’re actually not. I can however confirm that I am considerably worse off since 1997 and especially so since Brown became PM. You’re not going to win my vote with that argument.

Then just to prove my point, Balls was in a question and answer session over the weekend on Good Morning Britain. He was asked by an audience member what 6 times 7 was. He thought about it for an embarrassingly silent 10 seconds before answering and then spluttered “Actually my mother in law is the mathematician in our family!” Unfortunately, his mother in law isn’t putting herself forward as a future Chancellor of the Exchequer – although, frankly, she’d probably do a better job.

But never mind, because you always know there’s an election happening when politicians start kissing babies. Farage was photographed in Thanet, Clegg in Kingston and Cameron with one of his own in his kitchen and one of somebody else’s in Poole.

Miliband was nowhere to be seen. Presumably babies were not on his script…


7 responses to “Which one’s the dummy?

  1. I was under the firm impression that every serious analysis of the Blair/Brown years had shown that the financial gap between “rich” and “poor” became wider. As Kinocchio might have said – “Yes under a Labour government!”.
    Assuming that this is not another April fool’s prank, I find it disgusting that any person involved or hoping to be involved in running the nation's finances could not instantly come up with the answer of 42 to “what is 6 times 7?”. Having just checked on his educational background, I'm more than ever convinced that many university qualifications aren't worth the paper they're written on. My long dead grandmother who only had a very rudimentary country school education at least knew her multiplication tables up to 12 times 12.

  2. Watching Talking Balls on the BBC this morning was highly entertaining as he spluttered and stumbled his way through the interview. And they want this guy as Chancellor FFS!

    If Labour get in, we're doomed…

  3. “My long dead grandmother who only had a very rudimentary country school education at least knew her multiplication tables up to 12 times 12”

    I dunno about you, but when I started school (1963) the 12 times table was beaten into us on a regular basis. Any the funny thing is that when it comes to mental arithmetic, I can still work out what my change will be faster than the computerised till. Its the look on the faces of the till operators who look at me with that wonderful goldfish look and say “how did you do that?”

    If only they knew.

    Oh, and Dioclese – just larfed my arse off at the fifth checkpoint to Ed Millitwat's list.

    Priceless !

  4. “Which one's the dummy?”

    You're suggesting one of 'em ain't?

  5. Yes, I started school in 1961. The times tables were learnt by rote – “1 X 1 is 1” all the way up to “12 x 12 is 144”. Sums involving pounds, shillings and pence, yards, feet and inches etc. All the old imperial measurments. Wonderful stuff, felt so much better when there were 240 pennies in the pound, I considered myself a millionaire if some generous realtion gave me half a crown for my birthday.

  6. rapscallion

    “if some generous relation gave me half a crown for my birthday” God! that brings back memories – also known as a florin if memory serves me right. Even remember the old threepenny bit (No, not those threepenny bits), tanner, a sixpence, a guinea even. I still think in imperial measurements, lengths, fluids as well as weights. Its still a pin, not 460 odd or whatever milli-fucking-litres.

    I must stop this – I'm beginning to sound like a silly old c**t 🙂

  7. Not quite:- A florin was two bob and a half-crown was half a dollar.