"The name’s Blond. Jane Blond…"

First of all, let me point out that today is not April 1st – so this is definitely not a Fools’ Day joke.

Now I know there’s an election coming because I’ve noticed the odd politician or two mouthing off and making ridiculous policy statements, posturing outrageously, and doing and saying whatever it takes to screw a few extra votes off Joe Public. However, my vote (sic) for the most outrageous and desperate posturing of the campaign so far goes to….

Ed Miliband for his desperate appeal for the female vote. Miliband has announced that he thinks the next James Bond should be a female!

FFS Ed. Get a bloody grip! Now, I know that the Labour Party is a party of equal opportunity. After all, that’s why you introduced all female selection lists in order to exclude any men from applying. You can’t get more equality minded than that, can you? “This is 2015” says Ed. “We should move with the times.” That’s good advice, Ed. You should take it yourself, perhaps?

Mr Miliband has made gender equality a key part of his campaign and has committed to ensuring his Labour Cabinet team is 50 per cent female. But here’s news for you, Ed. That’s not equality. That’s political correctness!

And not content with suggesting that Rosamund Pike should be the next Bond to appeal to the female voter, Ed’s also going for the ageing hippy vote too by admitting he was “a bit of an 80s fan”. “I like bad taste – things like Take On Me, by Norwegian pop band A-ha” he went on.

But while you’re at at it, Ed, what about the youngsters voting for the first time? “I’m aware of both Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith. I’ve heard them on radio and both of them are huge exports – they’re great artists. It’s brilliant we have a great number of great British artists, it makes us incredibly proud.” Hey – a potential PM that’s both hip and happening! Cool…

He also revealed that the band Bastille had impressed him at a charity concert he attended recently. “Singer Ellie Goulding invited me along” he said, “and I never want to be missing out on a photo opportunity. After all, every vote counts and I’m really really desperate!”

Actually, I made that last bit up…


6 responses to “"The name’s Blond. Jane Blond…"

  1. The cunt is not only inept, he is also a cunt.

  2. XX It's brilliant we have a great number of great British artists, it makes us incredibly proud.XX

    Ähhhh…. Like…. WHO? (Not the group, and not he doctor, I mean WHO the fuck? NAME one that I have heard of after Pink Floyd.

  3. Just when you thought that he couldn't possibly make himself out to be a bigger pillock, he proves you wrong!

  4. Perhaps a non smoking lady from our ethnic minoriites could be considered,

    The problem that Daniel Craig has is that when it comes for new contract to be Bond again ,,,, Benedict Cumberbatch will probably be even more popular than he is now.


  5. Dear Dioclese

    That nice Mr Milliband is a little behind the times.

    Casino Royale (1967), features not one but two female James Bonds, plus Mata Bond, Sir James Bond, James Bond and Jimmy Bond.


    Hope this helps.


  6. Why not just make a series of spy action films each with a NEW character, each one a different gender (inc a trans – all the rage these days), a different colour, a different sexuality, religion or (dis) ability. HAve I left anything or one out? What a cunt tthat Milliband is.