First of all, let me point out that today is not April 1st – so this is definitely not a Fools’ Day joke.
Now I know there’s an election coming because I’ve noticed the odd politician or two mouthing off and making ridiculous policy statements, posturing outrageously, and doing and saying whatever it takes to screw a few extra votes off Joe Public. However, my vote (sic) for the most outrageous and desperate posturing of the campaign so far goes to….
Ed Miliband for his desperate appeal for the female vote. Miliband has announced that he thinks the next James Bond should be a female!
FFS Ed. Get a bloody grip! Now, I know that the Labour Party is a party of equal opportunity. After all, that’s why you introduced all female selection lists in order to exclude any men from applying. You can’t get more equality minded than that, can you? “This is 2015” says Ed. “We should move with the times.” That’s good advice, Ed. You should take it yourself, perhaps?
Mr Miliband has made gender equality a key part of his campaign and has committed to ensuring his Labour Cabinet team is 50 per cent female. But here’s news for you, Ed. That’s not equality. That’s political correctness!
And not content with suggesting that Rosamund Pike should be the next Bond to appeal to the female voter, Ed’s also going for the ageing hippy vote too by admitting he was “a bit of an 80s fan”. “I like bad taste – things like Take On Me, by Norwegian pop band A-ha” he went on.
But while you’re at at it, Ed, what about the youngsters voting for the first time? “I’m aware of both Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith. I’ve heard them on radio and both of them are huge exports – they’re great artists. It’s brilliant we have a great number of great British artists, it makes us incredibly proud.” Hey – a potential PM that’s both hip and happening! Cool…
He also revealed that the band Bastille had impressed him at a charity concert he attended recently. “Singer Ellie Goulding invited me along” he said, “and I never want to be missing out on a photo opportunity. After all, every vote counts and I’m really really desperate!”
Actually, I made that last bit up…