You’ll piss yourself laughing at how stupid people can be and how learned bodies can be conned into paying vast amounts of money for meaningless research projects when you read this. I know I did…

Apparently, according to James Proffitt of the University of Texas (where else but America?) why penguins waddle is “one of the great scientific dilemmas of our time” so he’s taking a team of scientists to London Zoo to study the ‘problem’. They’ve designed a pad, full of sensors, to measure the force the birds apply as they waddle along on those silly little legs. Wow!

And they also roped in no less than a Professor from the Royal Veterinary College to lend a hand too.

Why? – especially when it’s so bloody obvious!

I’m a scuba diver. When they teach you to swim under water, they tell you to kick from the hip rather than the knee as it takes less effort and is considerably more efficient. Penguins do the same. They fin from the hip. So evolution has removed their knees.

And because penguins have no knees, they waddle. Give it a try. Lock your knees and see if you can walk without waddling.

So there you have it. The solution to one of the great scientific dilemmas of our time in a nut shell. So now they all can fuck off back to America and stop pissing about. My invoice is on the post and please can I have an honorary doctorate from the University of Texas?

As to why the penguin in the picture waddles – well, that’s because he’s an actor and he’s paid to walk like that…


5 responses to “Penguins

  1. Genius “one of the great scientific dilemmas of our time” and 'problem' are not words that spring to mind when you think of the humble penguin nor when considering what is really going on in the world today, specifically in the US. Oh my days whatever next “why the Elephant has a trunk”, why the tiger has stripes and can a leopard change it's spots… this is starting to sound like the “Just so stories”.

  2. Bugger, what can I say, my doctorate is in dandelions……..

  3. Bit like why do dogs lick their bollocks? Answer- because they can!

  4. “…please can I have an honorary doctorate from the University of Texas?”

    I'm sure as a scuba diver that you were also taught not to hold your breath!

  5. Two blokes looking at a dog licking his bollocks.

    The first one says “I wish I could do that!”

    The other replies “Give him a bone and he'll let you…”