Are people getting uglier?

On the face of it, I suppose this might almost seem to be a rhetorical question. The answer is obvious, isn’t it?

Of course they are!

As my regular reader will know, on my many tours around the world I have been a keen observer of my fellow travellers – especially the women. Not for the obvious reason, but because I found them to be overwhelmingly of the ugly persuasion. It makes me realise what I lucky bloke I am to have married someone as outstandingly striking as Mrs D. (Was that bit OK, darling?)

Seriously, though. People really are getting uglier. Well, the European ones anyway – and particularly, I have to say, the Russians.

On one particular trip, there was a woman who bore a striking resemblance to Piggy in the Lord of the Flies who was, by a happy coincidence, married to a man with more than a passing similarity to Miss Piggy of the Muppets.

Now I know we were on a cruise ship which prides itself on expanding our waistlines, but it led me to reflect on why we are all looking so naff these days. Then the answer came to me. It’s obvious really. It’s all to do with sex.

The world is overpopulated. This comes home to you quite clearly when your tour guides tells you about his 6 brothers and 5 sisters and goes on to tell you that it was common in his parents’ generation for families to have 10 or 12 children. But this has now changed, and 2 or 3 is more the norm these days. They’ve realised that there isn’t enough food or enough jobs to go round unless they cut back on breeding.

This is true for the whole planet. Resources are finite. Thankfully, mother nature is lending a hand!

Shortage of decent food means we eat more crap. This makes us fat and ugly. Fat, ugly get less sex. Ergo population growth diminishes. Simples…

…except, of course, this argument falls apart when fat, ugly people start shagging each each. I’ll have to think a bit more about that one.


2 responses to “Are people getting uglier?

  1. Flaxen Saxon

    Indeed Dioclese, a most fascinating thesis. Of course, I consume only tofu and drink spring water and consequently have maintained my astonishing good looks. Favoured by nature I have sired two stunningly beautiful children. Alas, I should have been encouraged to produce further issue in order to populate the earth with beautiful people. I contend that I should qualify for a government grant (shag allowance) and unlimited access to supermodels. In fact it is still not too late as I’m a very vigorous man and still capable of knocking out gorgeous and perfectly formed human beings if only I was granted unlimited access to the right breeding material. And when I say supermodels, you can exclude Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell (shudder). Time for my afternoon nap and medication.

  2. Flaxen, you waster, all that you deserve is castration.