Jesus was hanging on the cross and St Peter was skulking around at the bottom of Golgotha, a bit ashamed about pretending he didn’t know Jesus. Then Jesus, nigh unto death, calls out: “Peter!”
Peter looks looks around for Romans and starts up the hill. A centurion appears and chops off his right leg. Peter’s down on the ground moaning when he hears another plaintive cry from up on the hill: “Peter! Come here!”
So off Simon Peter hops, further up the hill, when who should he see but the guy he sliced the ear off in Gethsemane. Chops his other leg off, smiling ear to cheek.
Peter crashes to the ground, he’s in a lot of pain now, but he hears Jesus up on the cross calling out for him: “Peter! Come here! I’ve something to tell you!” Swearing under his breath but still feeling guilty about the whole thing in Gethsemane, Peter starts to pull himself up the hill with his arms.
Up comes another Roman soldier, chops off one of his arms. Peter by now is pretty fed-up, but again Jesus calls out for him: “Peter! Come here!” Curses to himself. “Jesus!” He’s got to hear the last words of his master, though, for he truly is the son of God. He uses his one remaining arm to drag himself up. He can just about see the foot of the cross when a big Roman centurion comes up and chops off his other arm.
He can see Jesus dying on the cross now, looking into the distance: “Peter! Come quick!” Using his teeth, Peter finally gets himself up to the foot of the cross.
Peter: “Yes Lord? I have come unto thee, your humble servant!”
Jesus: “Peter…..look, you can see your house from here!”