Shitipedia: A is for Audi

Now I confess that I once used to drive an Audi. It was back in the early 1970’s and the model in question was an Audi 100LS. It was well built, spacious, comfortable and had the best steering geometry of any car I have ever driven. Even though it had no power steering, it was a dream to drive and a dream to park.

Unlike the modern Audi.

Once upon a time, the Mercedes was the executive car of choice – until somebody discovered that in Germany they are common as bratwertz and used as taxis. This took the gloss off the product somewhat and the yuppies moved on to BMW.

All was going well until BMW became the UK sales rep’s choice of company car. I once did a job for a well known firm of consultants in Birmingham. I parked my car in the car park. I drive a Mazda MX5. As I was putting my stuff in the boot to go home, some of the guys I worked with started poking fun at my car. They were intrigued to know why a man ‘in my position’ was driving a ‘piece of shit like that’.

When I asked them they thought I should be driving, they said ‘a BMW, of course!” Then I looked around the car park. Pretty much every car was a BMW. “But I’d never find it here” I replied, got in , and drove off leaving them with their mouths open…

So, Mercedes = taxi; BMW = salesman’s car. What are we to do!?!

Well, you can pretty much guarantee these days that when you are cruising down the motorway at 80 and there’s some dickhead in your rear view mirror right up your exhaust pipe, he’s driving an Audi. Yes, the Audi is now the executive dickmobile of choice.

And what the fuck are those stupid LED front lights about?

And Mrs D insists that if I am going to pick out all the crap in the world, I have to balance it out with good stuff, so here’s the other side of the coin : A is for Aircon. I was certainly grateful for it last week in Greece… 


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