93 Men in a Boat (16) : The Upper Class Twit

You know the type. We’ve all come across them. Their over accented voice enters the room several minutes before the rest of them…

On a small ship, it becomes rather difficult to escape from them, especially when one is in the bar or the dining room. They consider themselves, naturally, to be a cut above; better than the rest of us common types. And, of course, they delight in letting us know it.

We suffered ours over dinner one evening. Now I am a fan of open seating in dining rooms – not least of all because it enables me to avoid making the same mistake twice when choosing with whom I sit. It also enables one to meet a cross section of interesting people – by interesting, of course, I am not referring to one of these twits and there is always that risk.

Nearly always the first question is “Where are you from?” and naturally what ever your response they will always come from somewhere better and fail to understand why anyone would choose to live where you do!

I recently visitted Monaco so I thought I give that a go as an offputting answer. “Top that!” I thought. Totally nonplussed, he replied “Oh how dreadful for you. Isn’t it so awfully overcrowded and passe?” Bugger!

The next question is “And what do you do for a living?” although their career will always have been so much more rewarding, fulfilling and worthwhile than yours. I usually try to put them of by replying “Actually, I’ve had several careers” without actually saying what but it doesn’t always work.

On this occassion I just replied “Nothing” and thought “Get out of that one!” but he did. “Absolutely with you there, old man” he replied. “Not sure how I’d fit in all my committees if I had to work as well!”

And then comes the lecture about the relative merits of this evenings wine choices and a list of how many cruises he’s been on and the 6 deluxe star hotels he always stays in.

“I only ever travel on this ship these days,” he drones on. “Somehow the others just don’t seem to measure up.”

“Indeed, it is very nice”, I reply. “But don’t you just find some of the passengers rather snooty?”

“Know exactly what you mean, old chap” comes the response

Somehow I rather doubt it…


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