Merkel : Ve velcome you here to Greater Germania. Ve haf important issues to discuss…
Cameron : Indeed, Chancellor. It is important that the Euro is supported or we will all be in it together!
Merkel : Ve haf vays of solving zer crisis. I believe ve need greater political integration
Cameron : Hold on there, Kincaid! I must protect the British interest!
Merkel : You British are all zer same – afraid to take your rightful place in zer Reich! Call yourself a leader? Edward Heath – now zere was a leader!
Cameron : But Britain in a proud sovereign nation! Just look at the Jubilee.
Merkel : Enough of zis crap. Just gif us zer fucking money, Cameron!
Cameron : But we have no money. We are following your doctrine of austerity…. and we have the Olympics to pay for!
Merkel : Olympics? Pah! Anuzzer stupid Greek idea!
Cameron : Then there’s nothing more to say!
Merkel : Ach! Zo!
(Silence ensues for several hours until a suitable period has elapsed to make the meeting look credible)
Leaders emerge smiling to address joint press conference…