Prince Philip

“You’re fired!”

His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke of Edinbugh. My sort of person. Speaks his mind, please or offend.

Here’s a few of his best quotes :

On places he didn’t like :

  • His description of Beijing, during a visit there in 1986: “Ghastly.”
  • His verdict on Stoke-on-Trent, during a visit in 1997: “Ghastly.”
  • To a tourist in Budapest in 1993: “You can’t have been here long, you haven’t got a pot belly.”
  • To Cayman Islanders: “Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?”
  • To a British student in China, 1986: “If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes.”
  • “I’d like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.” 1967

Good job he missed the concert, because…

  • On Tom Jones, 1969: “It’s difficult to see how it’s possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.”
  • On how difficult it is in Britain to get rich: “What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.”
  • To Elton John on his gold Aston Martin in 2001: “Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car, is it?”
  • To deaf children by steel band, 2000: “Deaf? If you’re near there, no wonder you are deaf.”
  • To a children’s band in Australia in 2002: “You were playing your instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?”

On politicians and civil servants :

  • To President of Nigeria, who was in national dress, 2003: “You look like you’re ready for bed!”
  • To a civil servant, 1970: “You’re just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don’t trust me and I don’t trust you.”
  • To then Paraguay dictator General Stroessner: “It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.”
  • To black politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, 1999: “And what exotic part of the world do you come from?”
  • After hearing President Obama had had breakfast with leaders of the UK, China and Russia, 2010: “Can you tell the difference between them?”

On feminism :

  • To a woman solicitor, 1987: “I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.”
  • To female Labour MPs in 2000: “So this is feminist corner then.”

On disasters :

  • To Lockerbie residents after plane bombing, 1993: “People say after a fire it’s water damage that’s the worst. We’re still drying out Windsor Castle.”
  • After Dunblane massacre, 1996: “If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?”
  • On smoke alarms to a woman who lost two sons in a fire, 1998: “They’re a damn nuisance – I’ve got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.”

On ecology :

  • At a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965, he said: “Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?’”
  • At a Scottish fish farm: “Oh! You’re the people ruining the rivers.”
  • To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002: “If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.”

On his family :

  • On the Duke of York’s house, 1986: “It looks like a tart’s bedroom.”
  • On Princess Anne, 1970: “If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.”
  • On marriage in 1997: “You can take it from me the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.”
  • “I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.” 1988.

On the press :

  • To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception: “What are you doing here?” “I was invited, sir.” Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come.”
  • “You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.” To matron of Caribbean hospital, 1966.
  • To newsreader Michael Buerk, when told he knew about the Duke of Edinburgh’s Gold Awards, 2004: “That’s more than you know about anything else then.”
  • To journalist Caroline Wyatt, who asked if the Queen was enjoying a Paris trip, 2006: “Damn fool question!”

On food and drink :

  • At party in 2004: “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!”
  • To Scottish driving instructor, 1995: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test
  • When offered wine in Rome in 2000, he snapped: “I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!”
  • To Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002: “They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.”
  • “Where’s the Southern Comfort?” When presented with a hamper of goods by US ambassador, 1999.
  • After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy, 2002: “The French don’t know how to cook breakfast.”

And finally a few of my personal favourites :

  • A VIP at a local airport asked HRH: “What was your flight, like, Your Royal Highness? Philip: “Have you ever flown in a plane?” VIP: “Oh yes, sir, many times.” “Well,” said Philip, “it was just like that.”
  • At Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme, 2006. “Young people are the same as they always were. Just as ignorant.”
  • “People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” 2000.
  • To wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident, 2002: “Do people trip over you?”
  • To a group of industrialists in 1961: “I’ve never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.”
  • “It’s my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.” 1956.

Get well soon – because it just wouldn’t be the same without you!


4 responses to “Prince Philip

  1. I quite agree.

  2. Captain Haddock

    From one old Bootneck to another ..Get well soon sir .. you are a legend !

  3. “They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.” New to me, now a favorite.

  4. These are cracking! New to me too.