93 Men in a Boat (14) : The Trophy Wife

There is a saying in the cruising world : “The more you pay, the more you sway” because the most expensive cabins are located on the top deck of the ship. This is, I suspect, a throwback to the days of the great ocean liners where the third class accommodation was down in the deep guts of the ship. Well, you’d want to be well away from that lot, wouldn’t you?

The trophy wife will, of course, settle for nothing less than the very best : a top deck stateroom, preferably the owners suite!

There is a preconception that the trophy wife is like MacDonalds and Starbucks – an American thing. But if this was ever so, then she is becoming and increasingly British phenomenon. And she is, of course, very easy to spot.

Hanging on the arm of her ageing husband (very touchy feely, the trophy wife), the jewellery is the first thing to note. No trophy wife would be seen dead with a diamond solitaire smaller than a couple of karats. And, of course, the matching earrings and necklace. There are, when all said and done, her insurance policy. That and the will…

She is a method of showing off her husbands wealth and status. Jewellery, clothes, accessories – the labels are everywhere. She glides through the public rooms exuding expense leaving a trail of perfume wafting on the air (French, au naturel). Should she be missing, you need look no further than the spa or the hairdresser.

And if she’s not there, then she’s likely to be found propping up the bar with a G&T; or glass of champagne (depending on the time of day) in her hand. She likes to impress the plebs with stories of her homes in Cheshire and the Cote d’Azur and how terribly difficult it is to get dependable staff these days.

She’s definitely a possession to be shown off. A status symbol proclaiming her husbands virility. She always looks totally out of place – overdressed and with far too much make up. She is struggling to maintain the image of youth.

They always have a table for two in the dining room. Preferably the same one. They like to be noticed.

Whilst trying to impress Mrs D at a wine tasting, he said to her “I’m seventy-one years old. It’s having a young wife that keeps me looking so good!”

“It’s not working” she replied, taking another swig of plonk…

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One response to “93 Men in a Boat (14) : The Trophy Wife

  1. Captain Haddock

    (French, au naturel)..Wot .. you mean essence of hairy arm pit ?