Church of the Heavenly Wood

We continue our quest for the ultimate religion this week with the Church of the Heavenly Wood.

Woodism was created in 1996 by Reverend Steve Galindo. They follow the late cult director Edward D. Wood Jr., and look to him as a saviour. The Church of Ed Wood use Ed and his films to inject spirituality into those who get little fulfilment from more mainstream religions like Christianity. By looking at his films and his life, we learn to lead happy, positive lives. We strive for acceptance of others and of the self.

Their words :

“You might think that it’s silly or stupid, but Woodism currently boasts over 3,000 legally baptised followers worldwide! That’s over 3,000 who have joined Reverend Steve Galindo in keeping Ed Wood’s spirit and message alive! You might think we’re silly or stupid. And that’s fine with us. After all, we don’t expect you to believe in Woodism. We expect you to respect the OUR belief in Woodism.

One of the most important rituals in this religion is dressing up opposite of the genders, as Wood often included transvestites in his movies. If you were wondering if these people are really weird, you gotta know that the first sentence that appears on the official website is: ‘To answer your first question – yes, we’re totally serious.’

The Covenant of Happiness is a period from August to the end of October during which ten holy days fall. In this LENT-like time, a person who is fully in tune with the ways of the Woodites tries to honour Ed by living one’s life in an extended party. It begins with the Ed Wood Day of Remembrance, a day for preaching, a day to spend with friends, and a day to not be afraid to be yourself, all the while remembering Ed. The second holy day, the death of Bela Lugosi, is not a sad day but a happy day when one tries to remember him by watching one or more of his films.

The last day of the Covenant of Happiness is Halloween, Ed Wood’s favourite holiday. As such, Halloween acts as the Woodian New Year within the WOODIAN CALENDAR. The Woodian calendar starts on November 1948, the year Ed made his first film, STREETS OF LAREDO. So, in our calendar, November 1948 to October 1949 is Woodian Year 1, which means we are currently [October, 2003] in WY55 with 56 coming at the end of this month.

Yeah, it’s a bit confusing to us, too. We don’t use it a lot. We use it to sort of impress people but to fully understand it you need math and we all hate math, so it’s a concept that pretty much is just gathering dust.

We might re-work it one day. We might not. No rush.”

So, if I’ve managed to wet your appetite, then why not go for an online baptism?


2 responses to “Church of the Heavenly Wood

  1. Captain Haddock

    I had "heavenly" wood this morning .. but then I had a pie & mash and it vanished .. 😉

  2. If it all began in November 1948, we must be in AW63 now.As the captain says above, Morning Wood!