More silly questions…

Back in April, I published part of a list of some bloody silly questions that a polar expedition guide friend of mine sent me. I was reminded of it on my recent visit to the Arctic, so I thought I would share a few more gems from it with you…

  • Do polar bears come out when it is light?
  • Do the icebreakers make those icebergs?
  • Do the Vikings cause any ethnic problems in Norway these days?
  • Do they have special charts for the extra ice in winter?
  • Do they sharpen the bows to make it easier for the ship to cut through the ice?
  • Do the crew sleep aboard?
  • Does the midnight sun set above the horizon?
  • Does the world spin in the other direction at the North Pole?
  • Does this driftwood come from trees?
  • Does this island go all the way down to the bottom of the sea?
  • How tall is the North Pole?
  • If all the lines meet at the pole how do we know where we are?
  • If I toss a coin in the sea at the North Pole will it ever reach the bottom?
  • If it is January at the South Pole what month is it at the North Pole?
  • Is it so cold at the poles because the Sun is farther away?
  • Is it the waves, which push the glaciers so far inland?
  • Is the North Pole farther north than we are now?
  • Is there such a thing as a female Sperm Whale?
  • Is this island completely surrounded by water?
  • They announced there were whales; why can I only see fins?
  • What bird species made that pooh?
  • What colour is that snow?
  • What do the fish do when the tide goes out?
  • What do they do with the glaciers in winter?
  • What is the local time at the North Pole?
  • What is the maximum reported speed of fast ice?
  • What is the nationality of the Russian crew?
  • What language is spoken at the North Pole?
  • What makes that guano?
  • When you said the Polar Circle was at 66½ degrees, is that in Fahrenheit or Centigrade?
  • Where do the seals go when it rains?
  • Who owns those glaciers?
  • Why aren’t there any seat-belts on the Zodiacs?
  • Why do the whales keep coming to the surface?
  • Why don’t they build extensions to the historic huts so more people can get in at once?
  • Why is that side of the ship moving but this side isn’t?
  • Why is the horizon so bright at sunset?
  • Why is this island uninhabited?
  • Will I be able to buy postcards at the abandoned village?
  • Will the whale surfacing at 10 o’clock be in the morning or the evening?
  • Will you call me ten minutes before the next whale surfaces?

And I swear they are all real…

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5 responses to “More silly questions…

  1. Captain Haddock

    And I'm willing to bet that all the questions were asked by Americans ..

  2. It's likely – as the guy who gave them to me was an American!

  3. Question: Do polar bears come out when it is light?Answer: Yes, but they need to wear their sunglasses.Q: Do the icebreakers make those icebergs?A: Not anymore. The Titanic sunk the last one.Q: Do the Vikings cause any ethnic problems in Norway these days?A: No, they haven't come out of their graves recently.Q: Do they have special charts for the extra ice in winter?A: Yes. Global Warming skeptics are in charge of those.Q: Do they sharpen the bows to make it easier for the ship to cut through the ice?A: If I'm not mistaken, they use a chainsaw. Q: Do the crew sleep aboard?A: No. The ship returns to port every 12 hours. They sleep at their girlfriend's house.Q: Does the midnight sun set above the horizon?A: If it’s heavy enough it will go below the horizon. If it’s too light it, will float over the horizon.Q: Does the world spin in the other direction at the North Pole?A: No, it stops spinning altogether. Q: Does this driftwood come from trees?A: Some of it comes from grass.Q: If it’s January at the South Pole what month is it at the North Pole?A: Since the South Pole is at the opposite of the North Pole, the month should be the opposite of January. That would be December.Q: Is it so cold at the poles because the Sun is farther away?A: No. The poles are not cold because the Sun is further away from them. It’s the poles themselves that are further away from the Sun.Q: Is it the waves, which push the glaciers so far inland?A: No. It’s the glaciers that run away from the waves because they’re afraid of being melted.Q: Is the North Pole farther north than we are now?A: No. Polaris is further north.Q: Is there such a thing as a female Sperm Whale?A: No, they’re all gay.Q: Is this island completely surrounded by water?A: This one is but there are others that are completely surrounded by sand.Q: They announced there were whales; why can I only see fins?A: The whales are coming up but they haven’t caught up with their fins yet.Q: What bird species made that pooh?A: The species Cretinous Imbecilitas. They like asking stupid questions.Q: What colour is that snow?A: It’s white right now but it gets dark at night.Q: What do the fish do when the tide goes out?A: They have special scuba gear with tanks filled with sea water.Q: What do they do with the glaciers in winter?A: They get covered with blankets so that they don’t freeze to death.Q: What is the local time at the North Pole?A: Time stops at the North Pole.Q: What is the maximum reported speed of fast ice?A: Since we need light to see it, and thus make a report, it’s about 186,000 miles per second.Q: What is the nationality of the Russian crew?A: Soviet.Q: What language is spoken at the North Pole?A: Brrrrrrrrrrrr!Q: What makes that guano?A: Bulls.

  4. Q: When you said the Polar Circle was at 66½ degrees, is that in Fahrenheit or Centigrade? A: Kelvin. Q: Where do the seals go when it rains?A: Under the ice.Q: Who owns those glaciers?A: An ice making company.Q: Why aren’t there any seat-belts on the Zodiacs?A: They don’t have government regulations over there.Q: Why do the whales keep coming to the surface?A: They’re curious to see what we look like.Q: Why don’t they build extensions to the historic huts so more people can get in at once? A: We haven’t found any historical extensions yet.Q: Why is that side of the ship moving but this side isn’t?A: It can’t make up it’s mind.Q: Why is the horizon so bright at sunset?A: Mirrors are set up so that we can get some extra daytime.Q: Why is this island uninhabited?A: Everyone moved because there being no people around. Q: Will I be able to buy postcards at the abandoned village?A: Yes. You’ll find them at the Ghost Town Gift Card store.Q: Will the whale [be] surfacing at 10 o’clock be in the morning or the evening?A: Both, so long as it’s watch is set right.Q: Will you call me ten minutes before the next whale surfaces?A: I’ll have the whale give you a ring.

  5. Excellent tuff, vilabolo! Thanks