The Electronic Wallet

Are you havin’ a larf?!?

I have just been bullied by my local U3A into paying my subs by standing order because they don’t want to accept cheques because they are being phased out ‘in the near future’.

Follow that by only being able to access my bank by Internet to set this up and then being forced to have a mobile phone so they can text me a confirmation code and my piss is beginning to boil.

And then I turn on the ‘Click’ programme on the BBC to be confronted by some asshole telling me that the new generation of phones is going to replace just about everything. Apparently, it will hold money and act as a credit card – using, God help us, ‘contactless technology’. Then they are saying it will act as our car keys and house keys, and God knows what else. ‘The complete electronic wallet is coming soon’ they tell us.

Well, that’s fine for geeks, but lets look at it from a practical point of view. ‘Everyone has a mobile phone’ they say. Well, no actually. Mrs D doesn’t have one and won’t even use mine. I have a basic pay as you go that I bought 10 years ago when I was working and agents used to ring me about contracts.

The only reason I don’t bin it is because I have a 16 year old car and I keep it in the glove box in case I break down. Otherwise I would have no use for it.

Two years ago, I out £10 on it – and I still have £4.36 in credit.

So, I am out with my electronic wallet and the battery fails, or someone nicks it, or I lose it, or – shurely not – it just stops working. That leaves me no car keys, no house keys, no money, no credit card and, of course, no way of ringing anyone for help.

Like the NHS computer system, it’s a turkey that will never fly…


5 responses to “The Electronic Wallet

  1. ""The only reason I don't bin it is because I have a 16 year old car and I keep it in the glove box in case I break down.""I hope you take it out and charge it occasionally 🙂

  2. No, the turkey won't fly.But they'll keep throwing it up in the air anyway.

  3. Man with a Polish Wife

    We were in Brighton last Friday and I spotted a fly-by card reader in the coffee shop. Aha! A second chance to use this wonderful technology.Of course, it didn't work…Since you have to take the card out of your wallet (otherwise how can you control what happens when you have two cards?) and wave it around, what is the problem with sticking it in the machine and pinning – it takes a couple of seconds.Of course there are those machines where you: a) can't work out which way round the card goes,b) have to push the card in a bit more,c) aren't able to read the screen clearly to enter the p*nd) find it impossible to enter the pin easily due to the small size of the keys, their stickiness, or illegibility, etc.e) cancel the transaction due to poor keyboard design (e.g. big red key – press me!, delete / back key of non standard design and position) having made a simple mistake because of d)f) have to do some fancy txting to accept/decline a tip for whateverg) hold the machine like a lemon whilst the server is somewhere else, and it is imploring you to 'hand it back' – woe betide if you take control and complete the transaction yourself – it's almost impossible to rip off the receipts upside down.Rant over. Have a nice day.

  4. MWAPW – I rather like the Greek system. You do all of the above and then they rip two copies off the machine and make you sign one, just like the old days.I often use my wifes chip & pin card in Waitrose. No-one ever queries it. And they reckon this is more secure?….

  5. I am out with my electronic wallet and the array fails, or anyone nicks it, or I lose it electronic not just stops working. That leaves me no car keys, no abode keys, no money, no acclaim agenda and, of course, no way of campanology anyone for 360 slim